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How soon is it to be travelling together?

DepthOfField

By DepthOfField
in Dating Advice

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DepthOfField Collaborator

DepthOfField

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Hi All -

 

I haven't travelled for a very looong time. I am DYING to get away. Normally if I'm not with anyone, I'll just travel solo ... which is great, but I want to go away with someone for a change. I've been single for a while and sucks to travel alone, without being able to share memories with anyone. What sucks even more, is travelling solo while you're partner is staying back at home!

 

There's someone I've just started dating. It's only been a few weeks, but it's going very well so far. I'd be really cool to get away together.

 

I want to gauge to see what her thoughts are, but I'm worried that it's too soon to even ask. I'm afraid it might sound desperate ... like ... 'Hey, we've only known each other for a few weeks, let's fly to a Caribbean destination together!"

 

A) Should I just be really open about it and politely ask what her thoughts are about going away together?

B) Should hold off and wait it out the next few weeks/months and propose this later on as things progress?

 

Not sure what the "norm" is for something like this - Feel free to call me crazy - All opinions are welcome!

Muchos Gracias ENA members ....

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BigKK Collaborator

BigKK

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Too soon in my opinion...

 

 

plus there is nothing wrong to traveling alone...it's my preferred method, ALTHOUGH it's not for everyone since people are too scared and find it weird

 

 

But reasons why you don't do this with your new girl you're dating...

 

 

1. you don't know her that well

 

2. what if she's a horrid traveling partner

 

3. what if you break up before you go? (you will be sad, traveling another country alone)

 

 

 

Personally I just went to another country with a girl I knew for a month... but I was already on vacation, and I'm easy going, and it was only a 1 hour flight... so that's different.

 

 

If you guys are an amazing match, and incredible chemistry... maybe a month or two in is enough, but it'd suck to travel around with someone and then come back and break up. (I've seen it a lot)

 

 

I also went on a planned vacation with my ex-gf, and we began "break up" talks right before vacation. Let me tell you, I would of preferred breaking up at home, and saving the money... I enjoyed nothing on that trip.

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sophie274 Mentor

sophie274

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I think it depends how long the trip is, what kind of trip it is (just chilling on a beach or something more adventurous and therefore potentially more stressful), how far ahead of time you'd have to plan, and how much it would cost. I would go on vacation with someone I hadn't known for very long under certain circumstances, yes.

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jak3 Rookie

jak3

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I don't think that you're crazy. People move at different speeds so maybe she shares this same level of excitement for an adventure with you?

 

Talk to her about it. She'll give you an indication of her interest and whether or not it's too soon to go away together.

 

Best of luck!

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tattoobunnie Grand Master

tattoobunnie

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Every great relationship I had, we went on a trip within a month of dating - a weekend thing. And they were amazing times. Heck, I also married one of them! So, go with the wind - you don't have to share a room together. But if you are looking to do like a 10 day trip, it's a little soon, cuz you have to schedule stuff like that.

 

If we were all rich, this wouldn't be a question. We'd be on our private jets drinking Mai-tais at the moment.

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Ms Darcy Mentor

Ms Darcy

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Here is the reason it's a bad idea. You have been dating for a few weeks. The likelihood of things falling apart is very high right now. It's still pretty high up until three months. If you are together for six months, you at least have established some history and compatibility.

 

You risk wasting money on scheduling a vacation together that might never happen.

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Lorem Ipsum Rookie

Lorem Ipsum

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I can't answer whether or not this woman would be OK going away with you or not, only she can. I wouldn't be comfortable going on a trip with someone I had known a short time like that.

 

However, the other issue is that if you *really* want to go away so desperately that you can't wait for this relationship to be more committed, she is going to have to be told that you're taking a solo trip (or going with a buddy). Unless you've got a good reason or explanation (with this winter, who could blame you?), she may think that you're no longer interested/interested in a fling, looking for some way to get away from her. Not saying it's definite that she would freak out, just imagine how you would feel if you found out that she was planning a trip away without you at this stage, you might have some concerns too.

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MisUnderstood9 Enthusiast

MisUnderstood9

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I think it depends on when you are thinking of taking this trip. Something like a Caribbean destintation is probably a few months away and I doubt you'd be leaving like Friday for example.

 

Planning something like a trip that could be in future (like 4-5months) into the future can be a BAD things. You never know what could happen in the next little while. Ya you have great chemistry and such now, but what happens in a month or so from now and you are just like "yah, she isnt who I thought she was" and you end it but you two already paid to go on this trip?

 

Talk to a close friend about going on a trip with you not the girl you just started dating, definitely wait atleast 6 months into the relationship before planning anything more then a weekend road trip.

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laninaperdida Enthusiast

laninaperdida

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I sayask her because she's more of a body right now than a partner.

You'll go with ANYONE haha it beats going along again, you know?

I'd present it like that as well... No need to scare her or look desperate by saying you want HER to comne... it's not about her it's about you and having someone (anyone) to go with.

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lavenderdove Enthusiast

lavenderdove

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I suggest you work up to a longer trip. As in start with a day or weekend trip somewhere before you go for a full vacation.

 

A week can be a LONG time if you get on the vacation and discover you don't know her well enough to spend all that time alone with her. I was dating a guy early on and went on a week long vacation to the beach with him and discovered the guy was a full blown alcoholic which I hadn't known before. He wanted to start drinking the second he got up in the morning, only go to the beach for maybe half hour while looking for the closest bar to drink thru lunch hour, then sleep all afternoon to start drinking again in earnest when happy hour hit. Then he'd want another nap, then out late drinking at a bar to start the cycle again the next morning.

 

I felt absolutely TRAPPED with him after the first day... it was horrible! If I wanted to do anything other than drink, he whined or got surly and refused, and he didn't really want to go to the beach itself or the other attractions in town other than hitting every bar in town morning noon and night. I never knew how early they started serving booze at shacks on beaches until I met this guy! And he made sure to have a bottle in the hotel room as well for the morning eye-opener. I managed to tough it out thru the vacation because we'd come in one car and drove 5 hours to get there, so no other way to get home again, but I dumped him as soon as that vacation was over and learned a BIT lesson about not taking a vacation with someone you don't know well enough.

 

So take a few SHORT trial trips and weekends together before you go for a long one where you are committed to a long vacation with her. You could discover she's a crashing bore or she gets on your nerves or she has some hidden issues you don't know about. So make sure you know her pretty well before being committed to being 'trapped' with her in a foreign local that you can't get out of easily.

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