SeaBisquit Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Ok, I'm actually seeing a lot of this..Two people who are broke up but live together only because of their children. Both see other people..I'm asking because one of my old ex boyfriends wants me back but he's living with his ex gf.. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Not on a bet. Why can't he get an apartment/house NOT with his ex....how in the world does he "date?" Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I've never seen this and no I wouldn't date someone who had that living situation. If he wants to date you (or anyone who is looking for something long term) then he will move out and continue to co-parent his children. If he chooses not to move out it's likely because he is either still involved with his ex or wishes to be. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Never ever. Don't care how common it is or will be. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 How is this supposed to be healthy for the kids? The for the kids argument is total nonsense. I would stay far far away from these sorts of messes. I don't know how you are seeing a lot of this, because it's not normal or common. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 My friend is dating a man living with his ex. It's mainly for economic reasons. She's not thrilled about it, and is hoping he moves in with her soon. Apart from that, their relationship is great. Link to comment
Keere Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Absolutely not. This happened to me. Met a girl on pof, went to hang out at her place and she introduced me to her ex(living in her basement) and their kid. I always have a friend text me during a date to ask if I need the "emergency" call. Needless to say yes I did and I got out of there. Link to comment
BigKK Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Ok, I'm actually seeing a lot of this..Two people who are broke up but live together only because of their children. Both see other people..I'm asking because one of my old ex boyfriends wants me back but he's living with his ex gf.. the question is, what changed since you guys failed the first time that makes you think you will work this time, or are you just allowing yourself to be his fallback? Lastly, I have done this, and dated my ex when she was living with... wait for it... two of her exes! Never again. Link to comment
Liraele Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I've heard of this a lot... but have found it to rarely be true. Not saying it never is... but I'd be very, very wary. Why are you looking toward your ex, anyway? Take off that rearview mirror, girl. Your path lies ahead, not behind. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I've never seen any good come out of situations like this. I've seen a whole lot of bad come out of situations like this. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 I actually do know quite a few poeople who stay together for kids sake..they don't want to ruin kids life while they are in school. But they don't love each even sleep in separate bedrooms. It is screwed up but the believe that their commitment to kids is greater..my. ex was always good to me was always good to me his son has emotional problems and his sons mom can't handle him by herself. I do this wonder what position this would put me in..I don't want to by any means mess up his family. That being said, I think I found my answer. I'm not reconciling with him..I think you all helped me see the light..but yes I do know a lot of people that do. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I actually do know quite a few poeople who stay together for kids sake..they don't want to ruin kids life while they are in school. But they don't love each even sleep in separate bedrooms. It is screwed up but the believe that their commitment to kids is greater..my. ex was always good to me was always good to me his son has emotional problems and his sons mom can't handle him by herself. I do this wonder what position this would put me in..I don't want to by any means mess up his family. That being said, I think I found my answer. I'm not reconciling with him..I think you all helped me see the light..but yes I do know a lot of people that do. These people are all wrong and thankfully you can identify and avoid them by their living situation. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Nope, absolutely not a chance. You have a built in situation for heartbreak there. And many people LIE about the true state of their relationship to get a little extra booty on the side. And let's say you do get serious... are you going to let him live with his ex for the next 15 years until the kids are gone, while you live alone? Really, this means they have unfinished business and haven't dealt with it, or the guy is lying about what is really going on with him and the ex, or maybe they have an open relationship that you haven't been told about, where they're very much together, but get to play on the side with others (except he won't tell you that because you probably won't agree to see him if you knew that). And there are plenty of married men who lie about being separated when they are no such thing... and their wives/live-in partners would be very surprised to hear they're not married or have broken up, because they think their marriage is going along just fine. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 Ok but just sayin this..i stayed with my ex husband for 13 years because I didn't want to put my kids thru a divorce..My mom and dad divorced when I was 6. It was hell i told myself I'm never going to do that to my kids. I did not love my husband bbut I was obligated to my kids. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 That may have worked for you, your husband and kids, but it isn't necessarily fair to any new partner who tries to form a relationship with you, unless they don't care about ever marrying you or living together. So that's fine if you choose that, but not realistic if you want to maintain a relationship with someone else. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Ok but just sayin this..i stayed with my ex husband for 13 years because I didn't want to put my kids thru a divorce..My mom and dad divorced when I was 6. It was hell i told myself I'm never going to do that to my kids. I did not love my husband bbut I was obligated to my kids. And there's absolutely no way to measure wether staying together did harm or good. I can tell you that you can't fake a healthy relationship around a kid for 13 years - all that happens is they think that sham was normal and are apt to repeat this themselves as adults. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Ok, I'm actually seeing a lot of this..Two people who are broke up but live together only because of their children. Both see other people..I'm asking because one of my old ex boyfriends wants me back but he's living with his ex gf.. I just freaked myself out. I was initially going to say not in a million years. Then I remembered my ex had a guy she dated living with her. Well, he was a boarder there. They were very close friends. But I never gave it a second thought. But that was symbiotic because of money. There were no kids involved. And they only dated briefly. Yeah, I'm going to go with my original thought. Not in a million years. Link to comment
ALovingKitten Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 No I wouldn't because I would assume that they were still hooking up, she is right there after all and is super convenient. So with my own concerns I wouldn't put myself in the middle of that. Link to comment
kammatthana Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 Never. I'd never place myself in that position. I wouldn't even date someone who was still regularly in touch with their ex. Once it's over its over. There's no need to continue being in touch, let alone live together because it's likely that at least one of them harbours feelings for the other. Personal experience, I dated a girl who was best friends with her ex who wouldn't let go. He knew exactly how to push her buttons and undermined our relationship from the beginning. I was painted as the 'unreasonable one' even though my valid concerns and feelings were completely disregarded. You can only guess what eventually happened. Wouldn't go there in a million years. Link to comment
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