kayamoyan Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Sorry to say but I think she wanted you as a back up plan just in case things didnt work out with the other guy. Thats why she said all those things. You don't need someone like that in your life, insecure and like others ponted out -- with no integrity. Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 11, 2014 Author Share Posted March 11, 2014 See and that just feeds into my insecurites. I wonder why she picked him over me. She had been going out with him 3 years prior to knowing me. Also - we got into a mini argument 3 months before we finally broke up because he had posted a pic of them together up on facebook. (This was posted when they weren't together and he was trying yo get her back). Anyway I suspected something and got mad at her and she just said she can't control what he puts on Facebook and that she's not with him. I trusted her and we mAde up but the next week it was still on my mind and I said to her "what if I'm not ready to get married and have kids in a few years I don't want to waste your time, if you'd be happy with someone else just let me know" and she got mad at me for saying thaT. Was I wrong to say that, I only said it because I began to no longer trust her when I saw that pic. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted March 11, 2014 Share Posted March 11, 2014 She didn't pick anyone over you. Cheaters have no self esteem so they need to depend on attention from others to feel good about themselves. She simply needed more validation for her ego and just about any warm body can provide that. It was nothing to do with you and all about her insecurities. Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 But this whole situation brings out my insecurities. I still wonder what I could have done different. Did the convo I mentionee about scare her away? I don't know . . . Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 You need to figure out your insecurities. Until you do... o relationship will ever work. Stop focusing on her and your past and figure out why you are entering into any relationship with insecurity! Link to comment
Ted Lee Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I shouldn't care, but I don't get it all. I'm the type of person that tries to understand everything. The other guy knows she lied about being single. He knows that I had the key to her place was there almost every day while they were together. I don't get how he's cool with that. He would be cool with it because he was likley seeing someone else at the same time. They very well might have similar moral principles. If so they deserve one another. And I don't get her . . . it's one thing to cheat but to bug me to tell my mom about you, talk marriage and kids, make plans to move in with me, and to say how you can't live without me all the while doing this behind my back. What type of sick person does that to someone else? I really still hate her. I wish she wasn't happy and didnt get what she wanted from all of this. I don't want to be with her...but I don't like the fact that she got what she wanted from treating me so bad. Unfortunately some people would use others and only think of what they can get out of a relationship and not what they can give. It is not a nice feeling when you release you have been used. I have been there before, the anger can be consuming. The best thing you can do is now start to date and meet fun people. But get one thing right - Karma happens and what she did would backfire. Don't be surprised if she tries to have some form of contact with you in the future. Needless to say I don't have to tell you what to do Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 I feel consumed with anger and hate toward her. Ever after I found out the truth she was so cruel - called me names and was even mad at me for calling the other guy to find out the truth. She showed no remorse for what she did. I didn't have these insecurities before, but when someone cheats on you in such a profound way, you wonder what's so wrong with you that she would do that to you. Its one thing to cheat but to really manipulate and lead someone on like that and talk marriage and kids is really something crazy. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 NO --- you don't wonder what is wrong with you. You wonder what is wrong with them. Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 I'm really becoming consumed with this. And many months have passed. I'm upset with myself for letting this affect me so much. I try keeping busy and going out and bettering myself - physically and mentally. But my mind is clinging to this. What else can I do to get over this? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 You should give therapy a shot. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 But this whole situation brings out my insecurities. I still wonder what I could have done different. Did the convo I mentionee about scare her away? I don't know . . . Nothing you said or did caused this. Nothing would have changed. If someone is going to cheat, they're going to do it regardless of what you say or do. Do not let HER weakness and insecurity reflect you as a person. This is not your fault. Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 You should give therapy a shot. Tried that in the beginning - did not find it helpful. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Not all therapists are alike. Perhaps it was a bad match. Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 13, 2014 Author Share Posted March 13, 2014 Maybe you're right . . . maybe i need to see a psychologist. The whole situation makes me feel so depressed. Link to comment
Kaytie Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I am so sorry for what happened. Your anger is justified; however, there comes a time when it only hurts YOU and I think you are there. I agree that therapy is necessary at this point. Please try initial consultations with a few therapists. It's really important to have a good fit with them and one that has a philosophy that resonates with you. I just found one myself and am currently seeing if she is a fit with me. I SO wish there were a magic pill and one session will do it, but it's a process. It's a process for YOU though - so you are worth the investment. Link to comment
aloneandhurt Posted March 14, 2014 Author Share Posted March 14, 2014 I'm gonna try and find something. I've been really feeling the pain latley. Its becoming unbearable and I think about it 24/7. I just keep thinking about all the lies and manipulation and thought of them together makes me so angry and I just can't take it anymore. I don't know how much longer I can stand this mental anguish. I feel so stupid. Things could be worse - I try and put things in perspective and it just makes me even more angry at myself for letting this effect me. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.