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Perhaps a tad obsessive/needy


Kitsu

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Hello, thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm not really good myself with presentations so I'll summarize who I am. 18 years old, male.

 

I'm in my first relationship ever, I'm happy, but here's the thing. She is way, way, way out of my league. I mean, she's beautiful, she's smart, she's like a dream. And I'm... well, far from that. And yet she's with me, we love each other. The point is: I've grown too attached. My day-to-day life is depending on how I'm with her. She's a rather busy person due to her job, but we talk a lot everyday. Things don't necessarily go well everyday, and when they don't, it's done. Until we're well again, I'm basically useless that time: I can't study, work, concentrate, nothing. Or when we don't talk at all, not necessarily because we've fought or anything, just because.

 

I get anxious even. I feel alone. She is basically the one person I really really trust. I've hurt someone because I wasn't thinking clearly since I haven't talked with her during the day. I've hurt a very important friend of mine because of that, and I feel really bad about it. I'm a calm and patient person. When we fight or something, I don't scream or anything and neither does she, even though it's crystal clear she's pissed and that I'm hurt. I can't help it, I try to cheer her up or something, but most times I fail. I feel even worse because I should be able to maintain her happy, and apparently I'm unable to. It's possible I need her more than she needs me, which I'm quite used to.

 

This is it. I would appreciate some advice because I'm at a loss. I don't wanna lose her, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. An exception to everything that's happened before, she's saved me, I'd say. I really need help.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Well the first problem herrnis that you hink shes out of your league. she only is if you think she is. the other problem is that you are either insecure, or have self respect issues. the relationship wont last if you continue this mind set. i would say figure out why you feel this way about yourself and stop making it her problem.

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I kinda feel where you are coming from. I had this problem recently sort of.. Just try to be more into yourself more independent. i know its not what you want to hear but thats the truth. Depending on someone else for your happiness is not a good thing. (believe me) i had this issue. Am not saying dump her or anything like that. Am just saying do things, work, school, activities, etc. HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS Dont make her your life completely especially if your 18. i had gf i made her my world and she dumped me. she had friends and all these things to help her move on and i had ignored alll my friends and stop doing things just for her and i ended up with nothing. 1-2 friends helped me but other than that i didnt have much.. dont make this mistake.

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Thank you all for the answers. Uh, I'm gonna address each one of you since I think it's better.

 

@RealPetTurtle

I don't think it's her problem. I haven't even discussed it with her exactly because I think it is my problem. This feeling of mine can't affect her because it doesn't happen when I'm with her. She couldn't possibly know. Thank you a lot for your answer.

 

@al227

I'm not exactly making her my life. I haven't got many friends, y'know? I don't even go out a lot. I study, I work, true enough. There's one friend I can count on for anything, which is the same person I've hurt, we're quite back together again, but I can't talk to her about this, because she's too close. She is the person who has introduced me to my girlfriend, and she's not too happy that we're together now, that we've formed bonds of our own, that we kinda grew apart from the trio relationship. Thank you so much for the answer.

 

@Elwood Perkins

I see. Do you think it'd be good for me to see a psychologist to see if it's there, and how it can be worked out? I'm kinda at a loss and I think it'd be good to see a psychologist but I don't know if it's worth it, if it's not just me overreacting. Thank you very much.

 

--

Thanks again.

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Yeah, you should probably see a psychologist if you can. You can tell him how you feel, he's a professional and could give you great advice. But if you wanna save yourself the trouble, you might just do it all by yourself. Of course, it can be really difficult solving things alone. You see, I can tell because it happened to me. I used to grow very, very attached to girls, and very fast. It destroyed me. But I don't like psychologists and I also can't afford them because I'm a college student trying to get by. So, I try to do it by myself. I google about problems I might have, seek friends and family for advice, think a lot and eventually things get better. It's not that hard actually, but it takes time. Think about it as self-improvement.

 

Anyway, by yourself or with professional help, things should really be different for you. Orbiting around someone is dangerous. If your relation with the person goes wrong, you can't just let yourself fall part.

 

That's my opinion.

 

Regards, Elwood.

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