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Idolizing your ex/feeling foolish


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How does one stop putting their ex on a pedestal. I can't stop thinking I've lost the best there is and that she was meant for me. I can't think of anything wrong with her she was so perfect. I'm terrified I'll never have those feelings for anyone else. I know from reading on here and advice from loved ones that it does get better and you learn to love again but its difficult to have faith. Your heart convinces your mind that your situation is unique and that everyone is wrong. I can't imagine anyone else being right for me unless they're exactly the same as her. When I think of my dream girl its always her and I don't know how to get those thoughts out of my head. EVERYONE tells me I can do better, but I can't see it. I feel like I can't do better than perfect and that's what she was to me. I also kinda feel like even if I do find someone else, what are the chances of them feeling the same way? Thanks for reading, sorry if this is terribly naive.

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Her parents forced her to leave me (we're young). Since then I pushed her away by not giving her space when she asked for it (I acted irrationally out of heartbreak). The status of our relationship right now is kinda in limbo, some days she misses me and some days she tells me shes over me. I don't know how to deal with this. I've tried going NC but there's still hope and that prevents me from getting far with it. Recently she told me we would be back together by now if I had just honored the space she asked for and hearing that hit me harder than anything so far. I'm so riddled with regret and self loathing.

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Well, she's told you what she needs so you should give her the space she's asking for. I will say this though, when someone "needs space" it's because they have their eye on someone else a lot of times. If she really misses you, and she really wanted to be with you, then she would be with you.

 

I'm assuming it's her choice and not her parents because you said "she told me we would be back together if you had honored her request for space." I'm not sure how old you are, but trust me, there's someone out there who wants to be with you. When that time comes, you won't even remember why you were all upset over losing this one.

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I would give her the space now but she claims she no longer needs it. Now I feel like I'm the one who needs space almost. Initially she was just as desperate and heartbroken as I was, but after I kept pushing and bugging her it kinda accelerated her moving on I suppose. So at first she did really want to be with me again, now, I'm not so sure. She thinks I'm immature. I'm eighteen.

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I would give her the space now but she claims she no longer needs it. Now I feel like I'm the one who needs space almost. Initially she was just as desperate and heartbroken as I was, but after I kept pushing and bugging her it kinda accelerated her moving on I suppose. So at first she did really want to be with me again, now, I'm not so sure. She thinks I'm immature. I'm eighteen.

 

This kind of thing happens at any age. I don't have the right things to say because I'm going through my own stuff at 32. But good luck, I'm sure it will get better and you have age on your side. But I know none of this will mean much right now to you. I've gone no contact and people keep telling me to hang in there so I am.

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18, 28, 38, whatever, breaking up hurts. I know it feels like she was the best you'll ever have, but man, you have your whole life ahead of you. You want her back? Then you do what she asked of you, give her space. As for you, you're 18 man, go out with friends and have fun. Live your life. Perhaps once she gets a glimpse of you moving on without her she'll give you another chance.

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I feel the same way, I had 3 gf's before my current ex, none compared to her and our connection. I have met 1000's of girls, dated plenty, but none compared to my current ex of 3 months. Love at first sight, she blew me away, im regretting taking her for granted everyday, but i let her go and i hope she comes back to me. Im being patient and living my life, but no girl will compare to her, they didnt before and they wont for awhile after. The moment i met her was one of those once or twice in a lifetime feelings, i knew we were gonna be together for a long time. You cant fake strong instant connection.

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I feel the same way, I had 3 gf's before my current ex, none compared to her and our connection. I have met 1000's of girls, dated plenty, but none compared to my current ex of 3 months. Love at first sight, she blew me away, im regretting taking her for granted everyday, but i let her go and i hope she comes back to me. Im being patient and living my life, but no girl will compare to her, they didnt before and they wont for awhile after. The moment i met her was one of those once or twice in a lifetime feelings, i knew we were gonna be together for a long time. You cant fake strong instant connection.

 

One, you had a connection with her. Two, you have not met 1000s of women. Three, of course no one compared because you had that connection with her. Four, love at first sight? More like lust. You guys were only together for 3 months. You can and find another connection. Take her off the pedestal. She's human. It's not your fault if she doesn't want to be with you unless you were overly creepy and pushed her away when she said she wanted space.

 

So now what? You work on yourself, live your life and chase after your goals.

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Your right, maybe now thousands but at least hundreds, we were together for 2 years, could have been lust or whatever but it started out as a FWB thing cause neither of us wanted to get to serious (even though i really did) then we just couldnt help it and it turned into a pretty strong relationship. I learned that she really did wanna be with me, she just couldnt try anymore because she had done everything to make me happy and i was still unhappy, just kinda hit a life rut, i burnt her out is she felt i was gonna be depressed or whatever forever, hence why she pulled the i met the perfect guy at the wrong time thing to a bunch of people we both knoew. I get why she left, were both young, she didnt wanna be tied down to some depressed young guy. I repsect her decision and hope maybe again someday we give it another shot, but its gotta be a 2 way street. The connection is still there and we both know it, she texts my dad asking how im doing and stuff and just to get updates.

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The timing will never be right. There is no perfect scenario where life will hand you anything on a silver platter with a golden spoon. To make a long story short, she doesn't want to be with you. She may care about you but it doesn't mean you should be in a relationship together.

 

Also, if you guys break up at the 3 month point over the lack of communication and respect of boundaries, you're better off not together. This a minor test of a relationship and you both failed. Imagine how you and she would react at the 1 year mark and a serious test, like moving in together. Count your blessings.

 

You've only known this girl for 3 months. Yes she made an impact on you but you two don't really know each other. She is her own person and so are you.

 

Good luck buddy!

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We were together for 2 years. She said it was only really bad for the last 2 months, although she saw some things before she didnt like, but i got lazy and never thought she would go anywhere and i could act however i wanted. Which i did. I have learned from my mistakes completely, gotten rid of those negative things that she noticed, my family noticed, and my friends did. They are all so impressed with how i have been over the past 3 months. My therapist tells me that sometimes a break up for an extended period of time is the best thing to ever happen to a relationship, i know in my parents case it is!

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There is a negative and it's the only one that matters - she doesn't want to be with you.

 

We would all be better off if mutual attraction was considered a basic and a dealbreaker if it doesn't exist. I can't even be attracted to someone I know doesn't want me - I'm repulsed by that.

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I totally agree. I feel like my stubbornness on the matter is going to annoy you guys, but I feel like the mutual attraction is there. She claims its not but all her friends tell me shes still not over me and her actions paint the same story. Whether or not we stay apart or get back together is irrelevant at this point, I'm currently trying to figure out how to become less attached to her, so that I'll be okay with either outcome. Also if i focus less on her and more on me that will attract her back naturally.

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Yeah, you're living in a fantasy world where the things you wish were true are - and it's just not reality. If she wantEd to be with you, she would - it's that simple, despite it not being what you want. You should find this unattractive.

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