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Rollercoaster with Ex Girlfriend


dto811

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Hey everyone. I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions and just wanted to reach out and get opinions from others...

 

Back around mid-November my girlfriend (of almost 4 years) and I broke up. She claimed that we argued to much and that we weren't compatible and I guess made the call that she wasn't going to be able to spend the rest of her life that way. I will admit that I was not always the easiest person to deal with (neither was she) but to be honest I think our problem wasnt that we werent compatible but more-so that we were/are very stubborn and hardheaded. We always wanted to be the one that was right or the one that called the shots, and that caused friction in the relationship. She also had major control issues - thinking that I was trying to control her when in reality I was not.

 

A little further background on us - she moved in with me and my parents (which i regret) as both of us were attending college in the same city and so we were staying there and saving money while going to school so that eventually we could get our own place. Well i graduated in May of last year and moved about an hour away (the plan was for her to eventually move up here after she finished school in december). We did everything together and that is part of the reason i feel this big void...

 

After the breakup I realized how much I still loved her and wanted to be with her. I told her that I was willing to go to counseling to do what I could to try to make the relationship better. I also suggested that maybe we go together but she showed zero interest in that. She said that she wanted me to go so that I could work on things for myself and not just to get her back (fair enough). She also said that she couldnt see in the future and that she didnt know if we would ever get back together... Meanwhile for the next few weeks we were still hanging out. She went to some college football games with me and tagged me on facebook with hearts and such. I was starting to get confused bc she kept telling me how she was done but yet everything seemed the same - we just technically werent dating. Around Thanksgiving (while she was at her parents house) she laid her foot down hard on the phone and told me how she was done and that we were never getting back together. I took it pretty hard but I had a weird feeling of relief and closure. I didnt contact her much after that but a few days later when she came back from her parents she was all over me. Laying on me, kissing on me, etc. This again was extremely confusing bc of what she had said on the phone a few days prior.

 

Well a month or so went by and we were still contacting each other and would talk maybe 3-4 times a week usually for 30 minutes or more. Things were still going strange and she was hot and cold all the time. One second she would be going with me to get decoration stuff for 'our' Christmas tree, the next minute she would be ignoring my phone calls.

 

A month or so after the breakup she moved out of my parents house and got her own apartment and she invited me over pretty frequently. Over Christmas break we hungout for multiple days and I spent the night over at her place multiple times... Then things seemed to take a turn for the worst. I was driving home one night from the store near her apartment and i tried to call her and let her know that I was thinking about swinging by. She did not answer and my phone was dying (didnt have a car charger with me atm) and I knew by the time I got home a put the phone on the charger she would call and say that I couldve just come over. So I decided to just swing by and she flipped out. She said that I couldnt just show up any time I wanted and she said "what if I was f'ing somebody". I asked if that was what was going on (not at that moment of course) and she said no but for some reason she felt a need to point that out. I could tell she had been drinking but just the fact that she would even say something like that hurt me pretty bad.

 

After that incident I distanced myself from her. We still spoke some but mainly it was me reaching out to her... About a month afterwards she invited me over late one night and it had been a while since I had seen her. So i went and she ended up inviting me to spend the night and I did. Fast forward a few weeks later and I find out that she had started 'seeing' someone else about a week before I stayed over. This was never mentioned to me at the time so I felt like a fool. For the next few weeks I went NC and just tried to heal a little from all the things that went on. This helped me a good bit but I do still miss her and what we had a lot. I spoke to her for the first time a few days ago and ended up hanging out with her a good bit over the weekend. Things went really good between us and we had a good time together. She still says she loves me and I can tell that there is something there but I just dont know what. She mentioned that she didnt want me to sleep over the other night bc she was still seeing someone and idk where that whole deal is going but I feel like it must not be to wonderful if she still wants to hangout with me.

 

I guess really I just dont know where to go from here. I am thinking that I should have very limited contact with her so I can heal up and try to move on. Deep down I would still love to have something with this girl but I know I cant make her want to be with me. I think eventually she will come around and see that she was wrong about us and want to reconcile but I just wonder if by that point it will be too late...

 

Anyways I would love to hear any advice and opinions on where I should go from here.... (and btw sorry it was so long but it felt kind of good to get it all out)

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Well said. I guess I am just confused about the whole thing. I am trying to understand how someone can want to have something to do with you one second and then the next they could care less if they speak to you again... but maybe there is no making sense of things and I should just accept the bottom line - which is she doesnt want to be with me.

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Should I just completely cut her off and go no contact or should I just talk to her if she contacts me? Also, why do you think she would want to hang out with me if she was seeing someone else? Supposively they have been seeing one another for about a month and a half, so it just seems kind of weird.

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