Jump to content

Is this normal at all?


Recommended Posts

Ok, I'm nowhere healed enough to enter another relationship in any way, but right now the thought of one makes me cringe. Literally sick to my stomach. Is that something anyone here has ever felt before and does that subside after awhile? My healing could take months, maybe longer I know. I just can't stomach the thought of

1. Ever reconciling with my ex - I'm truly done there.

2. Even dating anyone for fun

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We all vary in the length of time it takes to get over a relationship, but I know from experience that it will take me at least a year and there's no point in trying to date during that time. It's often longer.

 

As for the sensations - yep, sick to the stomach, feel my pulse racing and trembly at the thought of dating anyone; sense of being punched in the gut if I even saw someone who looked like my ex in the street, couldn't even bear to see his name in writing.

 

It does get better with time. One of the positive things is that it does give you the space in which to heal deeply and as fully as you are able - without any temptation to get into another relationship and thereby postpone that healing.

 

I really do understand where you're coming from though!

 

(((HUGS)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Amy - I've just read your other threads, and I'd say that what you're going through is par for the course. Just be gentle with yourself, let yourself know that the way someone behaves is a reflection of the way they are, not the way you are. It took me approximately two years to get over an abusive relationship which lasted around eighteen months - and I was in therapy for the first few months of that!

 

Having been through a very traumatic experience, it's natural to want to protect yourself from this happening again in the future. Totally natural.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it's very normal. It's your mind and body's way of saying you need to take time for yourself right now and other people need not apply. It's a good thing, so listen to it and you and proceed at your own pace. In the end you will only be left with one person that you could have made happy 100 percent of the time--you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, it's very normal. It's your mind and body's way of saying you need to take time for yourself right now and other people need not apply. It's a good thing, so listen to it and you and proceed at your own pace. In the end you will only be left with one person that you could have made happy 100 percent of the time--you.

Definitely normal. Until very recently I really didn't feel like I ever wanted anything 'serious' with someone again, at least not for a very long time. But I'm also determined not to let my ex have that control on me. I won't let her hurt me any more by letting life pass me by.

 

Its different for everyone. The trick is to just go with the flow i think

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The length of time depends on many variables to include:

 

Your level of self esteem and self worth...the lower the longer it takes

How you handled the breakup...ie...did you compromise your values, chase them, grovel, make them your happiness

Why you broke up...did they cheat, verbally or physically abuse you or leave you for someone else

Your support group...the better the support the shorter the time frame

Your ability to cut them out of your life...stalking and staying connected in any way extends the healing process

Your ability to forgive yourself...

 

The better each of these areas are in your situation and life, the faster the healing.

 

longest healing = low self value, compromised values, was cheated on, have no support, stalking them on FB and can't forgive yourself for the BU and blame yourself.

 

Shortest = high self value, accepted the breakup no matter why they left, have a healthy support group of friends, went full NC and don't blame yourself beyond taking responsibility for your part. Even with that you understand it takes two and forgive yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the input. I just found it a little alarming that my body reacted like that at just the thought. In my recovery, I've been able to peel back the layers and find out my codependent tendencies were very attractive to my abuser. There's a lot I'm coming to grips with because I never viewed myself as "victim material", so yeah... It's gonna take awhile. I never groveled or stalked. (I did check Facebook for a few days afterwards since he never confirmed his finality when it happened, but quickly realized I couldn't stand to see him and stopped). I didn't argue and make a scene. I walked away quietly aside from posting here and talking to my very small support circle. When I think of him I know it's affecting my physically, so I try to keep that at an absolute minimum. I'm ok to talk about this, but not specific situations in the relationship because it feels like a trigger with some things. So thanks for confirming this is a normal reaction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...