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Is it just pointless to date at 23 years of age??


notsomature

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Is it just absolutely rediculous that I'm looking for a relationship? Despite the fact that at 23, the possibility of my relationship lasting into a marriage is slim to none? At most a relationship for a 23 year old like me would last over a year and just under 2 years.

 

I am saying this because I notice sooo many women my age on the dating sites listing short-term dating, long-term dating, new friends, and casual sex (rarely). But then most guys will say "new friends, short-term dating, casual sex". Is it just going to be impossible to find a guy my age who wants a relationship? All of them my age just want to fool around, spread their seeds, enjoy their freedom and independence...Should I just stay single until I'm 25 so that I can actually date men who are escaping their early 20's and now heading into the scary territory of late 20's to early 30's. Although I'm sure I'll still find some "freedom-lovers" in those age ranges too. What do you guys think?

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I think that age has nothing to do with it. At least this has been my experience.

One of my most reliable boyfriends was 21 when we had met (I was same age) and much more mature than most of the men I've met since. We stayed together for over 2 years.

My ex husband was also 21 when I met him (a few years later and I was 26 at the time) and we got married when he was 26..and he was the one who insisted on getting married.

At my age, now, I meet lots of men in their 40s or 50s who are immature/don't know what they want/are only interested in 'short-time dating, casual sex' etc etc.

So, don't worry about it. If the right guy comes along, he could be under 30 and still know what he wants....or over 30 and have no idea.

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I don't think its impossible. And what age has to do with it? I met my BF at 22, we were both confused about what we want - casual sex or short-term dating, or something else. We are now living together, planning our future, we are both almost 24 now. Most guys that age that I know have long-term GF now since 2-3 years, my other friend of 25 is now making his GF a proposal. I think some guys are in casual dating till 30, some want a family at 25 - it just depends. You will be fine, just don't rush into things because you think some type of clock is ticking. Real love is not about that.

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Is it just absolutely rediculous that I'm looking for a relationship? Despite the fact that at 23, the possibility of my relationship lasting into a marriage is slim to none?

 

Basically yes, your too young. Experience life first then settle down.

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There will always be people out there who want something different to you, just as there will be people out there who will want the same as you. It is about connecting with the right person at the right time … and it does happen …. but it doesn't happen just like that or because you have decided that a relationship is what you now want. It takes time for that special person to come into your life and when they do you go with it. Even if it ends, it is still an experience and all our experiences - both good and bad - shape the person we later become. There is little point in avoiding something because you think it is going to end. You could miss out on a lot of wonderful experiences.

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You may need to date for relationship experience.

 

Read this forum - a lot of men and women focused on other things and get to 30 with zero dating and relationship experience. No clue how to be intimate (emotionally or physically) and how to negotiate and compromise. It would be an awkward situation to be in.

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A lot of women dont put looking for a relationship on their page - but once i chat with them they go on and on about how they want a relationship. I always believed they put "just dating" or whatever to avoid being tagged by people as, "oh my god, look at her, i know her. Shes looking for a boyfriend online, lol?"

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The number of men looking for casual dating, sex and short term actually increases as we age! I used to meet way more guys who wanted a serious relationship when I was in my 20's than now. As you age, more and more men are just getting divorced or ending long term relationships, have kids, lots of baggage and want to 'live it up' by dating various women, and they are much more reluctant to commit.

These are actually your best years to date, and your biggest chance to meet someone more in line with what you dream of in a guy. As you get older, the pool of good men gets smaller and smaller and the choices become limited.

Sad but true.

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Ah, but you learn so much about people and yourself while dating when young... What you are proposing is like saying there is a skier who learns all the principles of skiing from books and watching moving and talking about it with other people, but never actually gets out on the slope and skies until they feel they have a perfect chance of winning a race. And of course you don't have a good chance of winning any race until you get practice, learn the in and outs of skiing by DOING it rather than some intellectual exercise or saying that you won't actually get on skis until you can enroll in a race with a chance of winning.

 

So yes, you should be dating. And dating as much as you possible can, as many different people as you can, so that you learn about love, and life, and people and what does and doesn't work in relationships, and also so that you have enough experience with men to make a GOOD choice when it comes to a partner. The way you are talking the ONLY thing you seem to think that matters is that the guy must be ready to instantly settle down into marriage with you, when there are so many other factors that are relevant to relationships and making them work, and you need practice in dating in order to understand relationships and make a good choice in a partner. Some of the most important things I learned about relationships were from being in relaitonships that didn't work out! I learned very important things that helped me choose a better partner AND avoid the pitfalls of bad relationships, such that I could choose the right man AND do things that kept my relationship alive and happy rather than going down destructive paths with a partner.

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The number of men looking for casual dating, sex and short term actually increases as we age! I used to meet way more guys who wanted a serious relationship when I was in my 20's than now. As you age, more and more men are just getting divorced or ending long term relationships, have kids, lots of baggage and want to 'live it up' by dating various women, and they are much more reluctant to commit.

 

I agree (in terms of observation).

 

Basically, don't 'wait' hoping men will change. You are depending on the desire of others and you may be very disappointed.

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Why does it always have to be about the future? Why is your life 5/10/20 years from now any more important than the life you're living right now? I think too many people focus on this 'perfect future picture' of marriage and babies etc.. every relationship u have is important, enjoy every moment of your life and stop trying to rush to get to some finishing line that you've fabricated in your head. I think the happiest people out there are there are the ones who don't worry about or overthink the future but live in the here and now, and enjoy it all. Who knows what the future will bring, but u certainly shouldn't put your life on hold because you feel you're too young.. that's insane and you'll most certainly regret it when you're older, go have some fun!!

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I think living in the here and now while knowing what your goals are (if you have goals, fine if you don't) is the best balance. When I was 23 I already had had serious relationships and at 23 had a brief engagement (I was the one who broke it off). I think it depends where you're meeting people and how good you are at screening in the early stages for people who are on the same wavelength.

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Is it just absolutely rediculous that I'm looking for a relationship?

I don't think so.

 

At most a relationship for a 23 year old like me would last over a year and just under 2 years.

Sounds pretty arbitrary to me. I was in a great relationship from age 20 to almost 24.

 

What do you guys think?

I think you are looking at stereotypes too much. Like others have said previously, I don't think age has as much to do with it as you might think. Also, I could argue that younger men want a relationship more as they haven't had their heart broken, been divorced etc. Look at it by a case-by-case basis rather than lumping any guy

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Dating for you now is about getting to know yourself better and what you want ultimately in a partner. A relationship need not end up in marriage to be beneficial and important to your growth and development.

 

I tend to agree with this. I really wish I had gotten started dating and/or having relationships when I was much younger. Although you can read books and stuff, trial and error is really the only way you are going to learn how to conduct yourself in a relationship, and also learn about what is good and bad, what red flags you need to watch out for in another person, etc. etc.

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