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Meet up with the abusive ex


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So I actually did it. It's been 5 months NC and we met up yesterday.

 

I completely understand I should not have but I would appreciate not being told this because I'm in a bad state from it now...

 

He's insane. That's all I thought the entire time I was there. He's nuts.

 

He also got to me of course and said things that hurt me but then denied ever saying it or any of the other things he said to me, of course...

 

He started to cry when I told him that I knew he was always afraid of loosing me and that I adhered to his insecurities far too much and it was never enough he kept pushing and clinging and pushing...

 

But who knows what is real with him. It doesn't bear thinking about.

 

He said that it wasn't working with us because "You don't know what you're doing with your life, but I do! I'm going to be .... but you you don't know what you're doing!"

 

This makes no sense as when we broke up I had a job and was doing very well in my career...he's just said it to upset me. And he is 33 and has just started university in a creative subject that I also did several years ago so you know it was a ridiculous thing to say but it's got to me of course....arrgggghhhh.

 

I actually feel like he is evil. Pure evil. Maybe those tears were real and I was onto something with him being afraid of loosing me but then he was also so rude, critical, manipulative and selfish throughout the meet up.

 

So the main thing that I want to take away from this stupid terrible experience is this: he is insane, dangerous and cruel. I never want to see him again.

 

I'm just posting here because I am feeling pretty low and any support would be very appreciated. I'm just sad.

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I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. It seems like your head knows what's best with regard to this guy, and your heart is still catching up. It will catch up, don't worry! For now, it's such a huge deal that you can say this:

he is insane, dangerous and cruel. I never want to see him again.
So just hold on to that victory!
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A little time and distance can give you a whole new perspective and it looks like that happened for you. Perhaps without it you might have been bumming/heartbroken for longer. Now you KNOW what you need to know and can move on with your head held high!

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Hey there,

 

Glad you came to this realization, it's truly a good thing! May not seem like it, but you are moving forward with your life and you know you don't want to be around that sort of person anymore.

 

Were you the one that broke up with him?? If so, it makes a lot of sense as to why he's acting this way. Don't let him bring you down, you are far better off without him and you know that. Yes it is sad the way it's turned out, but break ups usually bring out the worst in people.

 

Surround yourself with those that care, love, appreciate and respect who you are and what you choose to do in life.. Not someone who's going to bring you down with his words, you don't need that in your life.

 

Smile, be happy and be glad that you are getting back on with your life after this little stumble

 

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here!

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If a person who treats you like dog crap is afraid of losing you, it's because he's built his ego and control around you. Not because he values you. You don't treat someone you value like that, period.

 

With that being said - Sometimes you need to see it again. I'm not going to tell you you did the wrong thing. In a sense I'm glad I saw what I saw with my ex - I'm not going to wonder. When manipulative people don't get what they want they are very quick to show you who they are.

 

I would write down the experience somewhere, the whole thing. Whether it's here, in your private journal, wherever. And when any kind of longing feelings start coming into play, read it. It really helps.

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Savignon is right about time and distance giving you a whole new perspective. Once you've had a bit of time out of a situation it is amazing how clearly things become once you see it again.

 

Do not let it get you down that he still "got to you". Of course he could and did. You shared a significant portion of your life with him so he knows how to do this. It's just another way he was trying to exploit your emotions with manipulation tactics. It sounds like you have your head on straight about this guy and you kept it that way the whole time at that meeting. You said it right here. --->

That's all I thought the entire time I was there. He's nuts.

 

You might regard it at the moment as a "stupid, terrible experience", but it wasn't. Not in the long run, not at all. In fact, it was a very helpful thing for you to do for yourself. You know you never want to see him again and it's removed all doubt from your mind that being away from him is the right thing to do. You've walked out from the shadow of a bad relationship with a dysfunctional person into the light of freedom. The best part is, now you get to keep moving forward.

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Congratulations, you have now had an epiphany that he is what he is. And you want no part of it. Consider this the final closing the door on any lingering doubts you had about leaving him and let it end. Yes, it sounds like an awful meeting, but look at this bright side to it all--you never have to do it again or speak to him again. Ever. You are done and now so is he.

 

And I agree that nothing he said made sense, but people who are abusive and insane never do. You're free of that now, so rejoice and learn from the experience.

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I really don't no1. Honestly.

 

Thanks guys. I think he might contact me in the future because he wanted to "be friends" but I do not want to be friends with someone who is like this so I know I'm done now. It would be a friendship where he just continued to be mean to me and expected me to praise him. I don't want that at all and the guy just acts on a whim he has no integrity in his actions so who knows what a friendship could mean.

 

It's funny how every abusive guy I've had an encounter with always denies the abuse and says they don't remember saying that/hitting you/chasing you. They all do it. I used to believe them when they said that and think "maybe they just don't remember cause they blacked out". No they do not. They know.

 

Maybe he was crying because he'd lost his ego boost or because he'd got it by seeing me. I don't know what to believe with him.

 

Yeah it's funny how he seems like someone who I dumped, cause he ended it. Although I did leave his house in the night a few days before because in my words "I can't do this anymore" but he spent the week apologising saying he'd change etc etc then he dumped me. I think he didn't like me standing up for myself, I actually said I would leave him if he ever did anything like that again and that made him mad. He was always obsessed with making sure I wasn't going to leave him so I guess it makes sense he would be acting in this way now.

 

 

Anyway. I just didn't like him saying I didn't know what i was doing with my life. But who gives a **** what he thinks about anything.

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