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Help me see through my boyfriend


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Hi,

 

I'm sorry if this comes up as a dumb problem, but I have very little experience in serious relationships. Especially having a happy relationship is new to me.

 

So I am now with a guy who says he sees us getting married and growing old together. Things are great.

 

However I know that he is a kind of person who goes through life never being single, jumps from one relationship to another. He is very social and open and has female friends at hand all the time. Even though I have no doubt about his sincerity and love, I worry that it would be easy for him to replace me if our relationship hit a rough patch.

 

Am I just going crazy bc I never had something good before?

 

Is there a scenario where our perfect union can be in jeopardy because he starts liking someone else?

 

Are there any people here who are also never single and can give me an advise on how not to become just one of his several ex girlfriends?

 

Thank you for any clues!

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If he is like that, then you can't be surprised when it eventually happens that he dumps you and goes for someone else. You knew it going in, yet you stayed, hoping he'd turn into someone he's not.

 

There is no advice. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. If this is just a lesson in your life that you need to learn for your own development, then he will be in your life long enough for you to learn it and the universe will usher him out of your life so that the man you're really supposed to be with (because you learned something about the value of your worth) can enter and be with you. This guy, if he's like you say he is, is just a placeholder, a teacher. Someone who is just serving a function in your learning process. Eventually, you're going to get sick of his "fan club" and if he can't, right now, put them out to pasture, then he's not going to ever do that.

 

Don't fall for talk about marriage and future--he may just have been thinking out loud and you were in earshot. A man who cannot stay settled with a girlfriend and commit to her is not a man who is going to be serious about marriage. That kind of talk is him planting that hook firmly in your cheek.

 

Enjoy what you have, live in the moment and don't try to make him be someone he's not capable of being. It will only end up badly for you if you can't accept "what is". Throwing in with "what you wished would be" will turn out to be a huge waste of time and youth.

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I'm not sure how long you two have been dating, but one of the lessons I've learned over the course of my dating experiences has been, if a guy starts talking about growing old together and all that right off the bat, he has reality problems and is therefore not someone you can build a secure future with.

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I'm not sure how long you two have been dating, but one of the lessons I've learned over the course of my dating experiences has been, if a guy starts talking about growing old together and all that right off the bat, he has reality problems and is therefore not someone you can build a secure future with.

 

It's been 6 months so is that right of the bat? And if so then what do you think I should do? He's also very affectionate and clingy which makes me fear that the bigger the flame the faster it burns out...

 

Have you talked about specific plans as far as getting engaged?

 

No, it's been 6 months so we both don't see the need to into details yet.

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What I would do is decide how long you are comfortable dating him without specific plans about getting engaged (or getting engaged). There is no way to guarantee that he will want to be with you (or you with him) but if you feel comfortable and secure and if he is reliable and trustworthy then those are great signs. Also I find there's a natural progression to spending more time together, meeting each other's family and friends, etc.

 

I think it's fine that he's brought up a future -that's a good sign.

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