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How could I befriend her?


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I'm a language student and currently spending a year abroad as part of my degree. I live in a small, isolated city and there aren't many English speakers here. There are 4 other people doing the same programme as me. I don't really talk to 2 of them and I get on fairly well with the other 2, although we have very different personalities and they always spend time together so I don't feel like I can form a deep friendship with them. I don't think its vital to have things in common to have a friendship, but our mindsets are so different that I struggle to think of things to talk about with them that would be interested in or could relate to. When I do talk to them they don't always make eye contact or concentrate, so I can tell they aren't interested in listening.

 

I have a lot in common with one of my friend's flatmates and I think we could be good friends. However, my friend gets on with her really well and she is the kind of person that likes to have the attention on her, therefore I think she would feel threatened if I tried to befriend her flatmate.

 

It's her flatmate's birthday coming up soon and I thought this could be a good opportunity to befriend her, as I will probably be invited to her party. I don't get to see her often, only when my friend invites her out or I go to my friend's flat. I was thinking that I could maybe bake something as a gift. I don't know her really well so I think if I went out and bought something it might look a bit creepy.

 

I've already been here for 5 months and I only have 3 months left. I feel like I made a bad first impression with my friend's flatmate because I feel uncomfortable around my group of 2 friends and I can't be myself. I am quiet and reserved, whereas the flatmate is outgoing and friendly. I am usually a friendly person, but I really struggle to be myself in large groups of people, so I prefer to meet with people one on one to get to know them.

 

I got really drunk a few weeks ago, because it gives me confidence to be more fun and open in large groups. My friend's flatmate said it was sad that I felt pressured to do that, even though I did it to relax, not because of pressure because I'm not like that. However, that night she went home with a random guy and this weekend she got so drunk she was sick. Apparently she's only slept with 2 people who she's been in serious relationships before that and getting ridiculously drunk is out of character for her. It probably sounds stupid because I barely know her, but I'm worried about her recent behaviour.

 

Is it awkwardly late to try befriend my friend's flatmate? If not, how could I befriend her without looking strange or upsetting somebody? Should I just forget about the whole thing?

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It's not as though you have anything to lose by the attempt. I wouldn't get drunk to do it, though.

 

It's perfectly valid to want a friend who speaks your language, and as long as you don't appear to be discarding the first friend or speak negatively of anyone, odds are reasonable that the flatmate would welcome another friendship.

 

Fingers crossed for you!

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