Frustrations about pretty people

[Lucha]

Sooo.. I have been harboring so much frustrations these last weeks. Why is it that everyone with a pretty face is so much more interesting than one average or one not so gifted with good appearances.

 

I have friends who are incredibly good-looking. They post a facebook picture and instantly get 80 likes. They always have a whole line-up with potential dates or flings. They constantly get their ego stroked.

Their less attractive friends however seem to completely disappear into the wallpaper. And there really isn't much they can do about it. You can work out, stay in shape, get your hair done, wear a nice outfit and smile but that is pretty much all you can do about it. Some people just aren't that attractive as others.

 

Unfortunately personality can not be read on the face I bet a lot of goodlookin people would appear not so good people.

 

I'm just venting really.. I am 25, non ugly (have people interested a lot of the time), but will never be as goodlooking as some of my friends even if I lose another ten pounds or whatever.. I'm just average as are a lit of people. And my ex is one of te attractive ones. And I hate it.

[Thorshammer]

I avoid TOO good looking women lately. They feel entitled, and the game-play intensifies by a 100%. Plus, youd be surprised how insecure they are, and how easy they can be read - especially if they are extroverted, since they wear it on their face.

 

I had a few trophy girlfriend that i brought to the family functions to show-off, some didnt make me happy. All i remember were things said, done, and felt... their face and body are blurred to me now. As we get older, looks vanish - and what you have left in the table is what you carry throughout your life with them.

[Ms Darcy]

Sooo.. I have been harboring so much frustrations these last weeks.

 

I'm just venting really.. I am 25, non ugly (have people interested a lot of the time), but will never be as goodlooking as some of my friends even if I lose another ten pounds or whatever.. I'm just average as are a lit of people. And my ex is one of te attractive ones. And I hate it.

 

In summary: you are average and your ex is very attractive. That probably explains some of your obsession with her.

 

It's pointless to be jealous. It's not going to change anything. Best to mature a bit and realize that life is not about how many people are chasing you.

[Moontiger]

This is really a modern problem. Its been shown that facebook makes people depressed, in act the more friends you have on facebook the more likely you are to be depressed. What we see on facebook is just a small fraction of a persons life, the very best parts that they want everyone to see. It doesn't show the areas they are failing in.

 

Cut down the facebook time, it will help keep you from comparing your life to other peoples.

[lamb10]

I think that that if you find beauty in certain characteristics of the human body, then you are dooming yourself in the long run. That's because what you find attractive in others may or may not correspond to cultural views of the self. For example...perfect white straight teeth. I tend to find crooked teeth more appealing...I'm more turned off by worked out bodies in men than I would someone with a little slouch or belly. I personally find uniqueness in men more and I say far more attractive than the perfect our society and culture has been teaching us to think. So, people will get the attention that they seek. I am supposed to be pretty according to other people, but I don't post pics to reassure myself of this because I want positive attention...and the lasting kind for when I'm 80

The best compliment I be ever gotten from a random guy was that I new myself very well...the rest of men who tell me that I'm beautiful never impress me nor will I ever remember who they are.

[Lucha]

Yes facebook sure is one depressing medium. All I see is people hooking up getting engaged moving in having babies going to exotic places etc .. I even don't want ALL of that just a healthy RS with someone who truly loves me for who I am and a regular job would be fine..

 

@msdarcy: yah it is torturing me bc when we broke up she instantly got other people lining up telling her how hot she is and I spent weeks trying to reconnect with old friends and nobody messaged me! It was like I didn't exist.

I have a university degree and a lot of personality but in the lesbian scene, they couldn't care less. As long as you have an eccentric haircut, a tattoo sleeve, a piercing or two and lots of facebook pics about exotic destinations. Sorry today I have been willing to smash my fist into the mirror because of how I HATE everything (in that world) revolves around beauty

[sweetcheeks1]

I know it's hard, but try not to compare yourself to other people. It's true that the most attractive people get the initial attention, but it's also not true that all attractive people go deeper than surface level. Appearance alone can attract the wrong kind of people. A lot of the time a relationship just based on attraction doesn't go any deeper ends in games and drama.

 

Try to love yourself for who you are, be original, don't care what other people think and set your boundaries high. I'm a lesbian and those are the qualities I am most attracted to, more than appearance! Not everyone is shallow

 

One day somebody will love you for who you are and they will come along when you are least expecting it.

 

Take care

[bungalo]

Sooo.. I have been harboring so much frustrations these last weeks. Why is it that everyone with a pretty face is so much more interesting than one average or one not so gifted with good appearances..

 

The problem is we are rating worthiness by the number of clicks on a computer

 

 

I have friends who are incredibly good-looking. They post a facebook picture and instantly get 80 likes. They always have a whole line-up with potential dates or flings. They constantly get their ego stroked.

Their less attractive friends however seem to completely disappear into the wallpaper. And there really isn't much they can do about it. You can work out, stay in shape, get your hair done, wear a nice outfit and smile but that is pretty much all you can do about it. Some people just aren't that attractive as others.

 

Unfortunately personality can not be read on the face I bet a lot of goodlookin people would appear not so good people.

 

I'm just venting really.. I am 25, non ugly (have people interested a lot of the time), but will never be as goodlooking as some of my friends even if I lose another ten pounds or whatever.. I'm just average as are a lit of people. And my ex is one of te attractive ones. And I hate it

[poetryandlyrics]

You seem like you're putting attractive people on the pedastral, which is bad because you have to realize that they're still imperfect as well. Maybe you garner their attractiveness on the outside gives them less imperfection to them for their image so you forget human flaws until you get to know them. We're all human. And you also seem to be mad about attractive people as a whole. Let it go. Don't demonize.

 

I know a lo of attractive people. There are also good at heart. Maybe that's just me though, finding character as well, not just the supposed persona. I'm told I turn heads (I don't notice, honestly, that's why I get told) but from the same person, I'm also told I'm a complete sweetheart. I'm not perfect though. People are just people, really. Appearances are like gift wrappers. You went for the shiny ones without checking your gift.

[poetryandlyrics]

This is really a modern problem. Its been shown that facebook makes people depressed, in act the more friends you have on facebook the more likely you are to be depressed. What we see on facebook is just a small fraction of a persons life, the very best parts that they want everyone to see. It doesn't show the areas they are failing in.

 

Cut down the facebook time, it will help keep you from comparing your life to other peoples.

 

Really? Awesome. Didn't know that fact.

[Lucha]

Didn't mean to demonize all attractive people.. But it's just they have it so much easier to attract people thanks to their looks. I know a lot of pretty girls who plainly ignore 'regular' people and only hang out with other cool/attractive people. Want to punch them in the face really.

[Rosti87]

It is important not to dwell on what is 'not fair.' Unfortunately, many people live with situations that are 'not fair.' Depending on what country you live in there is ethnic and racial discrimination based upon 'attraction.' There are socio-economic discrimination regarding coupling. There are still others that are filtered out for lack of height, weight and age. Some of these issues are out of people's control. It is strongly advised to focus on your own attitude about your attraction and let go of situations that are out of your control. Most people have some aspect of their lives that is out of their control and the best way to transcend this is to change one's attitude and make the most of what you have control over.

 

Moping over others who appear to have an advantage over you is a waste of energy and time.

[Moontiger]

Really? Awesome. Didn't know that fact.

 

Yup, here are a couple of articles about it.

 

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[newdeli]

I feel your pain, I'm average as well and have been told numerous times I'm beautiful just based on me being a good person -_- I'm still working on the whole learning to love you, it helps when you don't compare yourself to the models or people on the tele because you will never look like them, I'm not white or Mexican I'm mixed so I look like I could be an albino black girl or Asian mix and people have literally told me this numerous times unfortunately the media does not portray that as beautiful and neither do I because the symmetrical features that scientifically tend to be more physically appealing are not displayed in my facial structure.. However its taught me that if you're just a kind person people will value you far more then just the beauty because with time that fades and yes it's wonderful to have beauty and a heart but if you have just the heart why not make the best of it?

I the same as you have to learn to love the oddness that makes me you should seriously work on it!!

[Ms Darcy]

@msdarcy: yah it is torturing me bc when we broke up she instantly got other people lining up telling her how hot she is and I spent weeks trying to reconnect with old friends and nobody messaged me! It was like I didn't exist.

I have a university degree and a lot of personality but in the lesbian scene, they couldn't care less. As long as you have an eccentric haircut, a tattoo sleeve, a piercing or two and lots of facebook pics about exotic destinations. Sorry today I have been willing to smash my fist into the mirror because of how I HATE everything (in that world) revolves around beauty

 

The world that revolves around beauty doesn't have to be your world. Right now, it is.

 

You are the one basically contradicting yourself. You hate that people line up to tell your ex how hot she is. But haven't you been saying for weeks/months that you are worried you won't find someone as attractive? If YOU stop obsessing with looks, then you will pay less attention to what others do.

 

And for the 100th time, when you are healing from a breakup, you should delete your facebook.

[Ms Darcy]

Didn't mean to demonize all attractive people.. But it's just they have it so much easier to attract people thanks to their looks. I know a lot of pretty girls who plainly ignore 'regular' people and only hang out with other cool/attractive people. Want to punch them in the face really.

 

That is their right. You aren't entitled to be friends with everyone dude.

[Lucha]

That is their right. You aren't entitled to be friends with everyone dude.

 

Ok true but I myself always reply when someone takes the effort to talk to me. It is just being polite..

[poetryandlyrics]

That is their right. You aren't entitled to be friends with everyone dude.

 

I agree.

I'm friends with everyone, even an obese guy. You got a group of attractive peoe being friends with each other, seeming it's because of that? Maybe initially or hey have somethin in common. And you know, people get in rs, friend or love-wise, by close promixity more than other reason so maybe that's why they're friends. I knew the majority of my friends from high school and college (no way was I popular, I was just doing my thing, and yes that was what I was known for, and my hs is completely different from the norm so if you're gonna see it as that, it's not.) but the fact remains: you don't know why they're friends or why this or why that.

 

Best to let go.

 

You're obsessing over this, posting about this, debating, or whatever. You know what that means? They win. Because they are what you're focusing on, giving your energy on.

 

Just do you.

[Rosti87]

Ok true but I myself always reply when someone takes the effort to talk to me. It is just being polite..

 

I agree it is not the 'polite' thing to do. But not everyone are raised with the same set of manners. No-one is entitled to anything. It is not a fun thing concept, but it a part of life.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok true but I myself always reply when someone takes the effort to talk to me. It is just being polite..

 

People may not be talking to you for any number of reasons. And non-attractive people may not talk to you. So basically, ANYONE can be rude. If someone is rude, move on from them. You don't need that.

 

Mostly, though, I feel like this thread is just about your ex.

[bluebell29]

I avoid TOO good looking women lately. They feel entitled, and the game-play intensifies by a 100%. Plus, youd be surprised how insecure they are, and how easy they can be read - especially if they are extroverted, since they wear it on their face.

 

I had a few trophy girlfriend that i brought to the family functions to show-off, some didnt make me happy. All i remember were things said, done, and felt... their face and body are blurred to me now. As we get older, looks vanish - and what you have left in the table is what you carry throughout your life with them.

 

Interesting observation. Why do you think they're so transparent though and how does that make you view them? Just curious because I get told I'm very transparent often...

[itsallgrand]

Attractiveness is 100% perception. If you don't invest and believe in the idea of factual attractiveness (the idea that some people can actually be factually more attractive than others), then it's just watching the show of human interactions and mind games. Based on beliefs, a whole lot of the time.

 

To me, it seems like you are hung up on your ex and part of that is your perception and now belief that she is somehow 'an attractive one' while you are not (or at best, an 'average' one). There simply are no facts to back up that belief. Some people may reinforce your belief by 'buying into' the concept that she is 'more attractive' somehow appearance wise. But you know what? There are others who would disagree - this is always the case.

 

Your mistake is valueing her 'hotness' as though it is a real thing. It isn't. It's generated based on your perceptions, and how you feel, and what you believe.

 

If you knock her down to the level of equal to you, it'll be a lot easier to process all this and not get mad that some people swarm to her eccentric hair cut and tattoo sleeves.

[Lucha]

Thanks, very kind post. It is true and I know that what I find attractive may be completely opposed to what others find attractive and it is all based on my own perception and beliefs.. I think I have underlying issues of thinking I am boring and uninteresting and just average looking and her dumping me kind of reinforced that and reminded me of all times I was rejected. It's difficult to kick her off the pedestal and putting myself on it. I have a really hot looking (straight) friend and she is also incredibly insecure. I think it makes her more attractive

[poetryandlyrics]

This is true. Something you need to do.

Like my picture of an amazingly attractive guy wouldn't be in agreement with my friend just as someone would find me appealing but another has other tastes. It's no big.

[poetryandlyrics]

Thanks, very kind post. It is true and I know that what I find attractive may be completely opposed to what others find attractive and it is all based on my own perception and beliefs.. I think I have underlying issues of thinking I am boring and uninteresting and just average looking and her dumping me kind of reinforced that and reminded me of all times I was rejected. It's difficult to kick her off the pedestal and putting myself on it. I have a really hot looking (straight) friend and she is also incredibly insecure. I think it makes her more attractive

 

 

I think the thinking yourself as boring and uninteresting can be fixed. They're not neutral words so probably something you don't like about yourself? Dunno. Then make yourself interesting. Get involved with topics you like, groups you wanna do/volunteer, learn new hobbies. Something to make yourself to feel worthy to yourself.