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Swallow Advice Please!


dutchess

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Hi, I'm an attractive mid-twenties girl with my fair share of serious, loving relationship experience. However, in my current relationship, I've run into a problem I've never had before that is putting a lot of strain on me and my guy. We've been together for almost a year and a half and we have a lot of mind-blowing sex. A few months ago, he randomly brings up how my not swallowing his cum is a "big issue" for him and spends the next few weeks trying to convince me how good it is and dropping hints that I should do it. I have nothing against it, it's just not my favorite thing. He's used to being with dumb who would suck his constantly. I definitely enjoy going down on him, but I usually keep that to foreplay, not to finish him. Anyway, he's being a little complaining about it all the time that I give in. And I do it a fair amount, like at least 75% of the time, but then he starts complaining I don't do it enough. And now, during our last fight, he tells me "I would be nicer to you if you just let me cum in your mouth more" ....and he meant just randomly whenever, not for or during sex, just whenever he feels like cumming my mouth should be available to him. I feel like he's being a chauvinist . If this was such a "big issue" for him, why was it not brought up in the first year we were together, and now that it has been brought up, why is it escalating like this? It's creating a lot of resentment both in and out of the bedroom. Can anyone offer answers/advice/another perspective/sympathy? Thanks if you can!

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any man or woman that demands a sexual act or uses one for leverage (like saying if you awallow more i would be nicer to you) is a man or woman i would dump immediately!

he is being a big baby and demanding, and that would put me off doing it forever, i want to please my man, but it should be a pleasure, not a demand

i would leave him over such a thing, because imo this will only escalate and pretty soon you will have to be with his d*ck in your mouth all the time to please him

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Chauvinist is probably the nicest word you can describe a man like your boyfriend, hon. There is nothing acceptable or respectful in his behaviour to you, guilt tripping and pressuring you to do something you're not comfortable with. I think you should re-read your post to yourself and see what it is you are saying here - what advice would you give yourself?

He is being abusive and trading "niceness" for more of a sexual act you don't particularly like. Being "nice" is standard expected behaviour, it should not come at a price.

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And now, during our last fight, he tells me "I would be nicer to you if you just let me cum in your mouth more" ....and he meant just randomly whenever, not for or during sex, just whenever he feels like cumming my mouth should be available to him. I feel like he's being a chauvinist

 

What a manipulative weasel!

 

That is fighting so dirty. This guy is not worth his salt. He degrades you outside of the bedroom because you don't perform a sexual act to his exact liking.

 

DUMP HIM! You can do so much better, OP. This person is not a man. He's a petulant child.

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You have been with him for 1 1/2 years and he is carrying on like this? Take a good look at the relationship. I think you are glossing over other things. I cannot believe a guy trying to leverage you into doing something that you do not want to do isn't pushing the boundaries in other areas. How is he about giving you oral or is this strictly a one-way street? Something is fishy here and it is shocking that he is trying to power play you.

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I should clarify that other than this (and one other bump in the road pertaining to sex--a whole other story) he is an amazing sexual partner. It is the best sex of my life (and I've had some awesome sex in my time.) He sometimes spends hours pleasing me and makes me feel sexy, confident, and comfortable. He is respectful and doesn't like pressuring (though obviously he is.) I wonder if this is arising because we have taken our sexual relationship to a softcore dom/sub attitude (which he had never been into before me.) Is that possibly seeping into other aspects of our relationship (i.e. communication about sex, possibly others...)? He insists the cumming in my mouth whenever thing is typical for any guy and not about sex, but about intimacy. Like I "accept" him if I take his cum randomly and with no expectation on my end except for the "nutritious value".

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my 2 cents is that you should only do stuff you're comfortable with - if you're not comfortable with him cumming in your mouth, then he should respect that, otherwise he's not respecting you.

 

I guess your options are to - give in and be unhappy about it, or stick to your guns and say "no". If you give in over something you're really unhappy about, I wonder what it would do to your self-esteem, and also what he might expect you to do that you're unhappy with next! (I may be over-interpreting!)

 

Best wishes.

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And now, during our last fight, he tells me "I would be nicer to you if you just let me cum in your mouth more" ....and he meant just randomly whenever, not for or during sex, just whenever he feels like cumming my mouth should be available to him.

 

He should already be as nice as he possibly can to you "whenever". Why would there be any reason NOT to be? Urgh! What a creep!

 

and now that it has been brought up, why is it escalating like this?

 

Because you have given in to him. You have shown him you will do as he wants, so he wants it all the more. Not wanting to state the obvious here but how do you know that he's used to being with "dumb xxxx who would suck his xxxx constantly" anyway? If this is what he has told you then you do realise he is mostly likely manipulating you, as he probably did them too.

 

I should clarify that other than this (and one other bump in the road pertaining to sex--a whole other story) he is an amazing sexual partner. It is the best sex of my life (and I've had some awesome sex in my time.) He sometimes spends hours pleasing me and makes me feel sexy, confident, and comfortable. He is respectful and doesn't like pressuring (though obviously he is.) I wonder if this is arising because we have taken our sexual relationship to a softcore dom/sub attitude (which he had never been into before me.) Is that possibly seeping into other aspects of our relationship (i.e. communication about sex, possibly others...)? He insists the cumming in my mouth whenever thing is typical for any guy and not about sex, but about intimacy. Like I "accept" him if I take his cum randomly and with no expectation on my end except for the "nutritious value".

 

There is a lot more to a relationship than great sex. There is also a thing called respect. The fact that you talk about other aspects of your relationship as equating to "communication about sex" is screaming to me that outside of sex, there isn't much else to your relationship. There is certainly no respect and, despite what you say, there is still pressure.

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^Exactly. Lack of respect (which he obviously has very little respect for you) = no or a very poor relationship.

 

Honestly what I thought when I read this was "kick him in the balls and move the hell on!!".

 

You probably shouldn't actually DO that (the kicking in the balls part)! But the moving on part...yes!!

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He insists the cumming in my mouth whenever thing is typical for any guy and not about sex, but about intimacy. Like I "accept" him if I take his cum randomly and with no expectation on my end except for the "nutritious value".

 

Wow, just wow..

 

You refuse to acknowledge who you are dating. Hope the "great sex" is worth the lack of self respect that comes along with staying with such a person!

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I will play devil's advocate on this one. Not that I necessarily believe in what I'm typing, but just for another point of view..

 

Maybe it hurts his feelings that you don't swallow. Maybe he feels like you are disgusted by him (or at least, by his semen).

 

I was with a guy for a while who wouldn't go down on me. I never pressured him to do it, but it hurt my feelings that he was grossed out by my body and the smells/tastes that go along with it. I love going down on my boyfriend, I love the smell, I love the taste, and I love swallowing. It's because I love him so much that I'm willing and happy to swallow. My boyfriend loves going down on me, he asks me if he can do it almost every time we have sex. He says things like "God, you smell so good" and "I keep thinking about how good you taste". That makes me feel sexy and attractive.

 

It's kind of like when you're sick with the flu. You look disgusting, you have snot dripping down your face, your eyes are watering, your sneezing and coughing like crazy, you smell because you haven't showered in 2 days, you haven't brushed your teeth .. but he still kisses you and tells you how beautiful you are. Having someone love you at your worst (or having someone who loves the "worst/smelliest/grossest" parts of your body) makes you feel really good.

 

 

(Again, not that I believe this. I don't even have a boyfriend right now. Just wanted to give an alternate opinion here)

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He insists the cumming in my mouth whenever thing is typical for any guy and not about sex, but about intimacy. Like I "accept" him if I take his cum randomly and with no expectation on my end except for the "nutritious value".

 

Seriously?!

 

I can kind of see how you not swallowing when giving him oral sex might make him feel like you are grossed out by him but his expectations are outrageous. It is your mouth not a hole for him to just do with it as he pleases. You need to tell him that if he doesn't drop this issue and accept that YOU and only you will decide if you swallow, then he is out the door. Just because you are dom/sub in the bedroom does not give him an excuse to treat your whole relationship as if it is dom/sub. Those roles should not leave the bedroom.

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The dom/sub sex you are trying begins and ends in the bedroom. It has nothing to do with this attitude outside the bedroom where he feels he has a right to be dom and treat you like a sub ALL the time. If this is all that is the case, then you need to put down boundaries outside of the the bedroom where you continue an equal, and respectful relationship. You are saying he is dragging the dom/sub thing into real life - when really it is simply a role playing game that should be left behind when you are done being sexual. I think he is simply being abusive, and using the dom/sub dynamic to convince you that it's okay to abuse you.

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Not very loving of him to force you to swallow his c um if you don't feel like doing it you are already providing him a service by giving him the bj why can't you do that until he is about to c um and then he can ejaculate on your breasts or something. Does it make you feel sick to swallow? If you don't like it he cannot force you to like it.

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