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Not sure how this is going to go and what i should or shouldn't say.


junebug123

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So i posted in another thread about a week ago about this girl who i met on valentines day and hooked up with. The next time i saw her she was kind of dismissive and i'm not sure what her deal was but i couldn't really call it a date. There were a lot of negative signs but in-spite of all of that i decided to go on another date with her and its this coming Friday.

 

My attitude towards her has definitely changed for the most part, i'm not really carrying a torch for her like i originally did and if i were to walk away from it now it wouldn't feel bad or anything. It has been a 3 weeks and i have seen her only twice and we have already had some issues so i feel like this isn't going anywhere and also I am feeling like this 3rd date is also going to be lack luster.

 

I am not sure why i bothered getting so excited about her to begin with. I feel as though that was my biggest mistake because every time i get affectionate or close to her and starts pulling the you are acting like we are in a relationship type stuff. Every-time, i have been with someone who has acted like this towards me it has always been with a white girl, not that race matters but i feel as though this girl in particular thinks she is better than me and this is the annoying part of it all.

 

I am just going on this date to see if anything will happen and if her attitude will change but there is a very big possibility that her ego is much too inflated at this point and that i have wasted too much time and energy trying to turn a 1 night stand into something more. Going forward what can i do to make this work? Also, am i being too sensitive, i am curious from the guys point of view if they had encountered this sort of diva attitude before and how they handled it.

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Why bother, seriously?

 

Well there is a possibility for intimacy so i don't want to quit on her before i've really given her a chance to redeem herself. And also i figure going on this date is better than just being lonely.

 

Since you aren't interested in a woman's POV, I won't share it. But since you raised it, what is your racial background?

 

I never said i wasn't interested, i just wanted to know what men though about the situation. My background is of Hispanic decent, not sure if that is relevant though in this situation; the reason i brought up race was because i have had this similar experience before.

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No matter what people say... race does matter for some people. Some people will tag you as something and not take you serious based on generalization (i do it, and people do it to me). Some will see your culture as attractive, and you as physically attractive, but consider their culture more attractive and will seek like-minded people in their culture (an example, dating a white hipster while you are hip hop, might not go well as dating a white girl who is into hip hop - the former will might not seek you out because they have their own tastes - but it doesnt mean they wont find you physically attractive to sleep with, kiss, and cuddle with - so in other words, they stare and think, but wont take the dive- maybe because of comfort, who knows?).

 

I also notice white women can be less forgiving than latin women. It could be again that i am out of their culture and they just so happen to find white men a better option - unless i work it, i might not be on her top list. I have lost on some white women based on just one phone call, while with latin women i said something stupid and they still forgive me - usually because my look and culture is exactly what they want - meaning i fit their criteria exactly - and usually the latin women in this examples in my life have been far prettier and have way more male options.

 

So, like you I have dated white women as a hispanic man in nyc. I noticed they fell in love with me fast, but they quickly leave or cant take me seriously (especially if they didnt have a "thing" for latin men). Everything from their dad ending our relationship, to them believing i fit their stereotype the second i said or did something that didnt fit their normal routine.

 

Note this isnt so much about race... this is more about cultural background and familiarity. Like i said, white, asian, black, etc. might be more attracted to you if you fit their total criteria.

 

But, i dont care about all that. I just go on a date and say, "whats up?" A woman is a woman - its up to me to charm her up regardless of any barrier i perceive or imagine.

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But, i dont care about all that. I just go on a date and say, "whats up?" A woman is a woman - its up to me to charm her up regardless of any barrier i perceive or imagine.

 

Yeah, good point. My friend was just telling me earlier how he has had to go on several dates with a girl before she decided to jump in bed with him, and i guess i am just setting the bar too high in terms of my expectations. I think that I am just not used to a challenge and this might be my problem, I have to stop running from difficult women and be a little more forgiving.

 

Also, i agree with what you said about the cultural differences and maybe this is why i get so upset sometimes. There are times when i feel like i am being totally normal with someone and they perceive me to be too affectionate, emotional, outgoing etc. Meanwhile, i find them to be too uptight, rigid and sheltered with their feelings; the biggest hurdle for me to get over is just trying to understand that everyone is different and learning to accept people for who they are, not for how i expect them to be.

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I think you should just be yourself... and others should just be themselves. Expecting or wondering why he/she say this or does that will ruin it or why you did x and y when clearly he/she didnt do z- bla bla bla... I think 9 out of 10 times we lose interest in a dating relationship because of the guessing game. Just be yourself and if she doesn't like you for being you (which I think its great you are affectionate and loving) then I think you know your gut is telling you this girl aint for you.

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