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Okay, so this is a little different than most of the breakups here I guess. My now ex GF (20) and me (21) broke up a few hours ago because I was informed she was cheating on me. She had told me she was going to Florida to live with her grandparents for school to get her GED over 6 months. We were going to try the long-distance thing. We had only been dating for about 4 months or so, and she had just come out of a 3 year relationship almost immediately before we started (bad idea, I know).

 

Well, I found out she actually went to Florida to stay with her ex and his family. The whole time she had been lying to me. When I confronted her she claimed she hated herself and I didn't deserve her and all that crap.

 

Now, I'm upset, but at the same time I feel like I really dodged a bullet. We told eachother we loved eachother, but to be honest, almost everyday I was debating on whether or not I wanted to even be with her. She was not my type at all, and I really did not see a good future with her even though I told her I did.

 

It still hurts thinking of all the things she lied about doing when she was really doing things with him. I should have realized something was going on when we never talked on the phone, or she said she would change the subject when I asked about her visiting me, or asking for her address so I could send her things.

 

So I guess my question is, are these types of breakups in which they didn't last long, and I didn't really see a future with her still hurt as long as a longer relationship with stronger feelings? I still feel very hurt, but I just want to move on with my life now.

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I found out she actually went to Florida to stay with her ex and his family.

 

Wow!

 

almost everyday I was debating on whether or not I wanted to even be with her. She was not my type at all, and I really did not see a good future with her even though I told her I did.

 

So why are you letting this girl get to you now?

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It looks like you really fell for her even u said that she is not your type. It's only four months you can get over it. To what i can see, she only used you as a rebound. I don't really think she loved you. A year long relationship is already hard to get over, how much more a 3-year long? She just used you to fill what she needed. And she is totally not over with her ex.

 

"When I confronted her she claimed she hated herself and I didn't deserve her and all that crap." This only explains that she was aware that what she was doing was wrong. She doesn't really care much about you.

 

You feel very hurt because you probably became very attached to her. You should move on. Forget her. Remember how you were before she came into your life. If you were ok then you can be ok. Make yourself busy. I am quiet in the same situation as you right now. I am in the process of breaking up with my fiance. And I am doing all the stuff I want to make myself occupied.

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She was lying to you and you were lying to her. Her actions were a hell of a lot worse of course, she went to Florida to be with her ex - that is saying something. But at the same time you were also stringing her along with promises and "I love you"'s until you figured out what you really wanted. Neither of you were in this relationship 100% so I can't say it will take long at all to get over her.

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You get to decide how long it will take and how painful it really needs to be.

 

Walking into someone else's fresh breakup is like walking into a propeller blade. Nobody advises against that for some arbitrary moral reason, but rather because the outcome of positioning yourself as someone's rebound is usually one of two things: either she uses you as a distraction from her own grief and then drops you like a used band aid to go explore her new single life, or she goes back to her ex.

 

So you picked the hard way to learn this, but you learned it.

 

As for your grief, consider that your premise for jumping straight into involvement with with this girl was faulty and based on fantasy 'about' her rather than actually getting to know her over t.i.m.e.

 

So you didn't get to know that she was not over her ex, and while that's as much her fault as yours, you now get to decide how much grief you want to put yourself through over the loss of a fantasy. Dis-illusionment is painful, but it's valuable.

 

Find the value in the lesson, and choose whether you will use it to make yourself fearful and insecure, or whether you will use it instead to transform yourself into a wiser, stronger, more resilient and more mature human being.

 

Head high.

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I imagine it is more a bruised ego you are suffering from rather than actual grief over the relationship. Use this experience to nurture your self love, i.e. you don't need a lying and cheating girlfriend in your life, you deserve better.

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almost everyday I was debating on whether or not I wanted to even be with her. She was not my type at all, and I really did not see a good future with her even though I told her I did.

.

 

Sounds like you were both lying to each other. Even though her actions were worse for sure, you didn't really see a future with her anyway and weren't sure you wanted her so I imagine the sting will wear off shortly. You did dodge a bullet and she did what you probably would've done soon anyway so she saved you some time as well...why waste another month of your life when both of you didn't see it going anywhere?

I think its your ego talking because your heart knows you didn't really 'lose' anything. Your ego hurts (as it should) because she treated you poorly and despite what you may have been feeling, you wouldn't have done that to her because you have more integrity. That can definitely hurt for a long time...or a short time. Its a choice. If you look at the whole picture, she wasn't really a match for you and you have a higher quality way of treating a person (not lying to them every day)....so really no big loss. Just the sting of being lied to and that's understandable.

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Thanks for all the responses everyone. I guess you're all right, it's my ego that hurts. When my last ex that I was in love with broke up with me, I cried, a lot. And it took almost 2 years to fully heal. But this one, I haven't shed a single tear, it's more of a "why would someone I thought I could trust do something like this? rather than a "I wanted her in my life so bad, I hate that she's gone".

 

Honestly I wish I listened to, well, everyone. Mutual friends of ours told me to be careful (one of them even informed me of the cheating because he told me he respected me too much, I thanked him a lot). And even my best friend would push me to get rid of her since it started. He always told me I deserved better. I acknowledged all of their warnings, even kind of knowing she would do something like this eventually, but I stayed with her still.

 

The major reason I wanted to break up with her was that when she was supposed to come back from Florida we were going to find a place here in Maine to live together. I was going to help her find a job and all that. But deep inside I didn't really want that. What I really wanted was to get an apartment near my college with my step brother, and that wouldn't have been possible with her.

 

I still hurt, I had a vivid dream about her last night, but I'm hoping those dreams and the anger I have subside sometime soon. I don't miss her at all as a person, I miss the companionship. I miss having someone to talk to all the time, and do lovey-dovey stuff with. I'm really hoping I can meet a girl I really want to be with.

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What I really wanted was to get an apartment near my college with my step brother, and that wouldn't have been possible with her.

 

Go do this, and build a new life for yourself. Pining after someone who your highest intelligence already knew was a flake is a waste of your energy and an invented reason to procrastinate.

 

Relax, create new plans, and don't give away your power to someone you were on the fence about in the first place.

 

Head high.

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Go do this, and build a new life for yourself. Pining after someone who your highest intelligence already knew was a flake is a waste of your energy and an invented reason to procrastinate.

 

Relax, create new plans, and don't give away your power to someone you were on the fence about in the first place.

 

Head high.

 

I'm trying. Thanks for the advice

 

I wish I could get the bad thoughts out of my head though. Every time she said she was doing something that seemed innocent was when she was doing something with him. All the lies she told me. Me getting my hopes up for making this work. Sigh

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