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I want my ex back but he thinks he made the right decision


Xtcetra

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My boyfriend of a year broke up with me (after a rough two months) last week. I go to school four hours away from home, and a lot of the recent arguments had stemmed from him not having "time" to come and visit me at school. This was my first love, my best friend, and someone that I wanted to spend a very long time with. Four days after our break up he went out and got a burger with a girl that he works with. He claims that they are just friends, and that it was supposed to be her and another person but they called out last minute. I hung out with him the other day and saw, when he left his phone open, that he had been sending pretty lengthy friendly texts to this girl very frequently.

He says he broke up with me because he needed to figure himself out and because he didn't like the way he was treating me, wasn't happy, etc.

If that's the case then why is he talking to someone else? How is that going to solve his problem?

 

I was just going to try to be friends for a while and let him figure everything out with the quiet hope of getting back together...but now I'm worried that he will begin seeing/talking to this girl more and more and my hopes will be dashed when they enter a relationship.

 

What should I do? What should I say? I feel so helpless. I don't want to give him up...especially to someone else.

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He says he broke up with me because he needed to figure himself out and because he didn't like the way he was treating me, wasn't happy, etc.

If that's the case then why is he talking to someone else? How is that going to solve his problem?

Well, sadly: He broke up with you because he felt the problems were with you and him... not her and him or even him as a single. He didn't like the way he was treating you and instead of working on that and trying to fix his ways, he severed the union.

 

You'd do very well to go zero contact with him and not let him work on her while keeping you for your company and emotional devotion while he does it.

 

If he sees you regularly then he has no reason to change your current "ex" status. If he leave you for her because you're not willing to be his emotional devotee, then that would be far more self-esteem saving then you sticking around until he gets with her and then dumps you as a friend as well.

 

Take back your personal power and distance yourself from him all together so that you can heal from the ending of the romantic relationship and so you don't cling to him and his garbage "friendship."

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You need to accept that he doesn't want to be with you. He's broken up with you, so he's free to pursue anyone he wants to pursue and he doesn't have to answer to you for doing it. Of course, he's going to be seeing and talking to her--that's why he got out of the relationship with you.

 

He tells you what he's told you because do you really need for him to have to take the douchebag role and be mean in order for you to understand him? You dont' need to be dropped on your head to get the message, hon.

 

Don't try being friends with someone you've got unrequited romantic feelings for. Friends talk about who they are dating and spending time with and you know you don't want to hear anything about him moving on with this new girl.

 

Move on with your life. Things didn't work out with him--sometimes that happens. Not all relationships are meant to work out.

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Like others said, it's over. Just to answer your question:

 

The "I need to figure myself out" talk is usually bulls*. It's the "easy" way out for the dumper. It usually means "I don't want a love life with you." I know it's hard but there is no way around. He moved on and so must you.

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"He says he broke up with me because he needed to figure himself out and because he didn't like the way he was treating me, wasn't happy, etc."

 

what he is really saying is that he no longer wants to be with you or is even happy being with you, because deep down he knows he would've treated a girl that he actually liked a lot better than he is treating you now. guys are simple, as long as they are happy to be with the girl, they will stay.

 

there's nothing you can do. at this point, he is certain that he doesn't see a future with you. if i were you, i would save my dignity and move on. he obviously cheated on you emotionally with this girl if not physically.

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Go no contact and even if he figures things out, keep on moving on with your life.

 

How could you ever trust someone who is going to leave you hanging "to figure things out"? Life is far too long and bumpy to have someone with one foot in and one foot out the whole time. Be thankful you know what love feels like, so when you receive it back to you, you'll know it's true.

 

It's going to suck then it'll be awesome.

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