Jump to content

Bossy 20 year olds?!?


Recommended Posts

There's this girl at work who is a good 10 years younger than me, started at the same time I did, and apparently this is her first job.

 

Yet, she tends to boss me about and I just feel like, excuse me WHO ARE YOU?

 

Not even the actual manager acts like that, yet she tends to step in and starts directing me on whatever I'm doing like she's some sort of expert, or as though she's in charge of me. WTH? Do it like this. Have you so and so? Give me that, I'll do blah blah not even please or thank you

 

This is not the first time a 20 something treats me as some sort of idiot, in my previous job I experienced the same, being micromanaged by, effectively, a spotty teenager. What is wrong with these young girls? Is it insecurity or something? They act like those boxer dogs that go and sit on top of each other to show who's boss or something.

 

How do I deal with it without coming accross as though I'm whingeing, and how can I just make it clear that she can piss off without being rude or unprofessional? I am a very blunt and direct person, but it's not going to read well if I just give her a piece of my mind.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Twentysomethings nowadays do not have the same respect for authority, seniority, etc., then they did 20 years ago.

I'M a twentysomething & I admit we we tend to have a higher sense of entitlement than we ought to.

That being said...

As harsh as this sounds, maybe the issue is more about YOU & less about THEM?

It sounds like there's a bit of a pattern here so I wonder if these girls don't lok @ you & consider you their equal.

If they did they sure as wouldn't act like this.

I'd need more details before I coul give you a step by step approach, but regardless, you need to stand up for yourself.

Why do you think they're treating you this way?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course we're not equals. I'm older, I have a different nationality, English is not my first language, I come from a a completely different background. I'm not saying I'm better or worse, we just come from completely different planets so to speak.

 

So if someone bosses me around for no reason when they're not even my superior (at least the other one was sort of a supervisor, this current one isn't) and that irritates me, the problem is mine? How does that even work?

 

To be honest I don't care why they act like this, I just want to tell them to bugger off and go boss around some other studenty type spotty oiks and leave ME do my job.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think if you approach this by telling her to bugger off then your not really dealing with it like a mature adult would. I guess the first thing I thought of as soon as I read your post is that as soon as I got the opportunity I would broach the subject with her. Obviously make sure you are doing it in a private manner, not in front of customers or other work colleagues and just ask her what's going on? Explain to her what's been happening and that you would appreciate being spoken to with some respect as at the moment you don't feel that is happening. You may find she doesn't actually realise she is doing it or speaking to you this way and by talking to her about it this May make her more aware of her communication and areas she needs to work on. I just think that because you are the older one then show her how to handle situations like this. Maybe there are things she wants to say to you but isn't comfortable with confronting you about them so instead is acting the way she is. I guess if speaking to her frankly about the issue doesn't help or she responds negatively then perhaps go and speak to your manager/ supervisor about it? Does he have an issue with you and how your doing your job as well? If no then maybe he could have a word to her about how to address staff and what he expects from her in her position.

I guess I am all about talking it through with people and I honestly don't think you taking a "I'm older so I know better" approach is going to be beneficial in this situation...although it's probably true, it doesn't mean she is going to see it that way, or respond in the way you want her to by going that approach.

Hope this helps

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Twentysomethings nowadays do not have the same respect for authority, seniority, etc., then they did 20 years ago.

I'M a twentysomething & I admit we we tend to have a higher sense of entitlement than we ought to.

That being said...

As harsh as this sounds, maybe the issue is more about YOU & less about THEM?

It sounds like there's a bit of a pattern here so I wonder if these girls don't lok @ you & consider you their equal.

If they did they sure as wouldn't act like this.

I'd need more details before I coul give you a step by step approach, but regardless, you need to stand up for yourself.

Why do you think they're treating you this way?

 

call her "little girl" next time she does that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You smile sweetly and say, "Thank you dear, but I've been doing this for xx more years than you have. Now, why don't you..." and then direct her to go do her job and add an, "Oh by the way, you need to do such and such and so and so." Assert yourself and turn it around on her, she'll stop butting in and focus on her own work. And you're being pleasant and smiling about it, so it's not like you are doing anything that management can criticize you for.

 

In these instances a touch of sarcasm delivered sweetly with good-natured cheer and a big smile coupled with giving them some instruction on what they need to do on their own job can go a long way towards letting them know to back off. Saying nothing is not the answer any more than exploding at them is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^I totally agree that saying nothing is not the answer, any more than exploding is.

 

The key is expressing yourself clearly and addressing it right on the spot every time (yeah, just like with a little kid) so that there isn't build up. Of emotions or of misunderstandings of what you are about and what your role is.

 

I was thinking about this further and it occurred to me that when I've come accross this myself, more often than not the person can be won over by taking some genuine interest in them and their work as well. Nothing excessive nor more you would do for others, but showing her you do respect and hear her as a person can go a long way.

 

Don't let it degenerate into a power struggle to do with age, authority, etc. Start with addressing it person to person.

 

She may not be your equal in some ways; but she is in others - on a basic human level.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When she is "suggesting" that you do something a different way, could it be she is telling you because she deems her way more efficient or easier?

Maybe I'm being a little biased, (but trying not to be, I promise) but I would not treat someone in the workplace who wasn't my boss as though they were superior to me just because they were older. She's not a child, she's an adult - but because she is younger than you perhaps it is coming off as "bossy" when she is suggesting alternative ways to do something as opposed to if someone the same age as you suggested them.

Perhaps with doing something the same way for however many years is your way, however times change, technology changes, techniques change - perhaps she is just trying to help you find a new way.

 

I think the best way to deal with it is to take the age issue away. Without the age gap, she is still an annoying micro-manager that you would probably benefit better without. You can say something and still be polite about it because essentially she is affecting your work and how you go about it. "I think I prefer to do it my way, but thank you anyway". Throwing in jabs and sly hints that because you are older than her, you are better than her is lowering yourself to her level if she is disrespecting you due to age. The workplace needs to be equal and age-gapless. The only people superior are people who are your superiors.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course we're not equals. I'm older, I have a different nationality, English is not my first language, I come from a a completely different background. I'm not saying I'm better or worse, we just come from completely different planets so to speak.

 

So if someone bosses me around for no reason when they're not even my superior (at least the other one was sort of a supervisor, this current one isn't) and that irritates me, the problem is mine? How does that even work?

 

To be honest I don't care why they act like this, I just want to tell them to bugger off and go boss around some other studenty type spotty oiks and leave ME do my job.

 

On that floor where you are working, you are equals. All of your background goes out the window - age, language, nationality, you name it. In these times, you just have to learn how to patiently listen, provide positive feedback, and carry on with your work as if you are a supervisor training them to train new personnel.

 

Just make your promotions and makes sure your bosses know you are the competent employee that you are.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would just remind her, at every opportunity, that you were doing XYZ before she was even born. She has a lot she can learn from you. There's nothing you should learn from her.

 

This is one reason recruiters are uneasy about hiring high ranking veterans - they don't know how to start over at the ground.

 

Further, taking this attitude is a guaranteed road to failure particularly if she ever gets that big promotion and the op doesn't. That when she can turn it around and say "you know what's really sad? You've been doing this longer then me, but I'm clearly doing it better."

 

As a person a decade older than these kids, it takes a level of humility to work these positions in the first place. If you don't have that humility [yet], it'll develop in the next decade.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When she is "suggesting" that you do something a different way, could it be she is telling you because she deems her way more efficient or easier?

No.

 

Maybe I'm being a little biased, (but trying not to be, I promise) but I would not treat someone in the workplace who wasn't my boss as though they were superior to me just because they were older. She's not a child, she's an adult - but because she is younger than you perhaps it is coming off as "bossy" when she is suggesting alternative ways to do something as opposed to if someone the same age as you suggested them.

I'm not expecting her to treat me as a superior, I'm expecting her to stop behaving as though she's in charge of me, that's just ridiculous because not even the manager treats me that way. I don't care how old someone is, if all they're doing is stepping in and start directing me and giving me instructions when I'm perfectly capable of doing what I'm doing properly in my own way, of course it's going to piss me off. I've worked with people of all ages and I just happen to find this unjustified bossiness coming from barely out of their teens people.

 

She hasn't suggested to this date anything more efficient, or any better ways of doing things, she just butts in gives me orders without even saying please or thank you, like she constantly needs to feel as though she's in charge. She does not come accross as if she's trying to be helpful at all. By her own admission she is "cocky". And that also comes with being over confident. She acts as though she's got all the answers and she's always right, and whatever she says goes. I'm not having that crap, not from someone who isn't my manager.

 

Perhaps with doing something the same way for however many years is your way, however times change, technology changes, techniques change - perhaps she is just trying to help you find a new way.

No, that's not the case.

 

 

I would just remind her, at every opportunity, that you were doing XYZ before she was even born. She has a lot she can learn from you. There's nothing you should learn from her.

 

Right, I don't know how old you think I am. I'm 30 and she's 20. She started this job only a week before I did, so she's been there for 4 weeks, and me, 3. Neither of us have previous retail experience, hope that clarifies things, I'm not a middle age lady with decades experience at this job.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, it's not as though she's very professional and an example to follow. She's already started pulling sickies, and has left (twice) before finishing her shift because she wasn't feeling well, and the manager has had to swap shifts in order for her not to have to call in sick because that would get her fired (to pull that stunts within her first month in the company) especially knowing we are struggling with being understaffed. She's also not shown much responsibility when given the keys of the shop, she just forgot and left them at home, when that particular spare set of keys is needed in the shop when someone comes to cover and has to lock up in the absence of the manager.

 

So it's like, how about you sort YOUR life out before you start trying to sort mine, you silly slag.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I dare say you have nothing to worry about, then. Let her do her worst - just treat her like you would one of your ingrateful customers, with professionalism and a good spirit. She may not last, but the impression you leave on your supervisor by how [well] you handle her most certainly WILL!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I dare say you have nothing to worry about, then. Let her do her worst - just treat her like you would one of your ingrateful customers, with professionalism and a good spirit.

 

That's all I've been doing and will continue to do, but still need to vent somewhere because it bloody pisses me off.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's all I've been doing and will continue to do, but still need to vent somewhere because it bloody pisses me off.

 

Well then if I could give you a hug I would!

 

I went into the military at 28, it's a culture where most people going in are 18-21. So I can super relate to the Age issue. I got over it right away, but the people around me more often then not haven't. I'm now at a rank that is closer to my age starting Monday, so life is getting better. Positive attitude, it's all we can do!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

then that's a company that's not worth my expertise.

 

This is something a lot of people have a hard time understanding: no matter where you rank "out there," when you come "in here," you start over at the ground level.

 

No matter what your experience, you have to mentally go back to that mindset that you are starting out with No Rank, so to speak, and earn it just like everyone else.

 

The problem is, Lt Colonels want to walk in and be the CEO. Chief Master Sergeants/Sergeant Majors want to walk in and be the Supervisor, or in the supervisory chain on day one. You would think they would understand this, seeing how you can't just walk into those positions in the military, you start at E-3/O-3 at the very highest, and then you work your way up. But for some reason they think you can do this moving from the military to the civilian world...

 

Before you can lead within a company, you have to understand their structure, which means you have to put in the time necessary to earn your stripes. Start at the bottom, apply yourself, put forward a positive attitude and productive work ethic, support your supervision and use your expertise to guide yourself up the chain. You're experienced so you should have no issue moving up the chain fast.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She hasn't suggested to this date anything more efficient, or any better ways of doing things, she just butts in gives me orders without even saying please or thank you, like she constantly needs to feel as though she's in charge. She does not come accross as if she's trying to be helpful at all. By her own admission she is "cocky". And that also comes with being over confident. She acts as though she's got all the answers and she's always right, and whatever she says goes. I'm not having that crap, not from someone who isn't my manager.

 

I had a younger co-worker who did that kind of stuff with me.

 

I totally get where you're coming from.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...