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Why would he hang on if not interested?


Abc90

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I have posted on this forum about this guy many times and I have followed everyone's advice and have moved on. I've ignored all his attempts to contact me.

 

But there is one thing that I can't get over, so wanted to ask for thoughts...maybe to help understand. This guy didn't see me for three weeks, yet he told me that he liked me and was not seeing anyone else sexually. He said he wasn't a phone person which is why he wasn't always texting/calling even though we weren't physically seeing each other. He wasn't trying to have sex with me because he said he wanted to respect me and didn't want me to think that was what it was all about. But to go three weeks without even wanting anything sexual from me? And you're not getting it somewhere else? Just can't be possible. So nothing was happening. No sex, no conversation, nothing was advancing. But when I noticed this and told him that I wanted to just be platonic friends he absolutely refused to let this happen and would hang on.

 

So either he was telling the truth and is just really really weird, or he was lying to me about everything and stringing me along even tho he wasn't really getting anything out of this. I went with the he's lying approach and is probably having sex with other people and lying to me about it for whatever reason.

 

I guess my question is why would a guy do this. What was the point of keeping me around, telling lies, if he wasn't getting anything from me. He wasn't using me for sex or anything else. So what was the point???

 

It really did a number on me so I guess just curious and maybe a little bit of a vent lol. I'm not talking to him anymore...I just wanted to maybe see what people thought.

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Ego, it's all about ego. And what Sportster said.

And last time I checked, a man going without sex for a few weeks hasn't been scientifically proven to be lethal, lol. IF he's telling you the truth, of course.

I think you made a good move, good for you!

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In my own rather extensive dating/relationship experience I've found that when you see this type of behavior it's typically one of two things: a) they are playing a number of women (or men, this isn't necessarily only one gender that does this sort of things) and it's just a numbers game to him where he gets to put a little bit of attention on you, just enough to keep you on the hook until such time as he can get around to sleeping with you at which point he may or may not add you to the stable of women he rotates. And the classic act is to disclaim any sexual interest in you, after all he wants your soul. (Rolls eyes, insert finger into mouth here. Yes, they will be that cheesy and sadly it works sometimes) OR b) he's a person who loves the chase and the validation and power rush that comes from pursuing someone and getting them to fall for him. To people like this, men and women, that's what they get out of these things. "I'm really something, because I was able to get this girl/guy to fall for me just on the power of a few texts and phone calls." Of course once they have you they don't usually want you, but or until the minute you walk away. Then it's back to the chase being on for them and yes, they will start chasing you again. My last ex falls into this second category. Dumped me six times, ran off to pursue other people or whatever, but then whenever he'd see me moving on he'd come rushing back. We've been officially broken up for three years now and he still periodically tries to contact me and suck me back into the game. I just add his latest number to my blocked list and move on because even if he did love me (he doesn't) his idea of a relationship is so far south of mine that there is no point in my even having in my life in any capacity. Plus I think he's just weird, because yes it is weird to do that.

 

Neither of these actions or anything else make any sense to a normal person, because you're trying to base or understand their behavior against your own. But that won't work, because in the case of this guy he isn't you and he doesn't want the same things you do. Stop trying to rationalize irrational behavior. Most people won't pull hot and cold or weird games on you, so it's best to just show the ones who do to the door and not spend time wondering why they do what they do. Wondering leads to rationalizing, leads to you believing them, leads to you getting played. Sorry, just go NC and stay NC and view him like you would any other stalker, if you respond after the 50th call he now knows you'll respond to the 51st call and he'll keep doing it.

 

Cut him off and move on. You've done the correct thing, now don't second guess yourself into letting him keep you on a hook again.

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not everyone wants sex the same way like so and so wants sex, same for not everyone needs sex every so often as you or someone else.

 

however why can't u just accept that you two are not compatible and move on instead of making sense of his hot and cold behavior???

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I'm not second guessing. I'm done with him. He humuliated me so incredibly much there's no way

I could ever go back.

 

He sounds like a jerk or at least is going through a phase in his life behaving as a jerk. I'm glad you are done.

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Thank you for the feedback...it has really helped. One last thing I wondered...for future reference I suppose. Although hopefully next time I'll be smarter.

 

If a guy hasn't seen you in three weeks, even though there might be some texting/calling....he can't be interested right?

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