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Trying to keep it together


KeepGoing

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Ok, so my situation will be nothing new. I was with my girlfriend for 3 1/2 years, we lived together for 2 years and for the past year had actually been living with my parents so we could save up to buy a house of our own, I had also bought an engagement ring a just before Christmas and was going to propose in early 2014. That didn't happen because after Christmas we had a big chat about how we were both feeling and she mentioned that she had started to feel like we were taking each other for granted. I could see where she was coming from because we had both become very comfortable in the relationship and that needed to change. We both started making an effort and agreed to put a little less into savings each month so we could afford to go out and do more fun things. A few weeks passed and I thought things were getting better. I realised when she started to spend more and more time with friends and family that things were not right still, don't get me wrong, I would never want her not to see friends or family, especially since we were living with my parents I actively encouraged her to make time to see her parents.

 

Anyway, we continued to talk about things because it was worrying the hell out of me. I was always the one who raised the subject because she found it really difficult to express how she was feeling and felt uncomfortable when talking about such serious things. Last night we went out after work and she sat with the people she works with and barely acknowledged me all night. We talked about it on the way home but she insisted there was nothing in it and she hadn't realised she was ignoring me. Now, I may not be the smartest man but it doesn't take a genius to tell that something wasn't right.

 

When we woke up this morning we had a huge talk and it ends with her telling me that whilst she does still love and care for me her feelings have changed and things aren't the same. She says she's confused and when I ask if this is her ending things she can only say "I don't know" to me it was a pretty clear sign things had reached breaking point. It's always seem to be a small thing that tips you over the edge.

 

So now she has gone back to her parents and taken clothes and a few other bits and I'm left sat here at home wondering what the hell happened. There's still a lot of her stuff here which I'm doing my best to not think about right now.

 

This is not the first break up I have gone through and I know how it works and that I will be able to get through it BUT this was my longest relationship and by far the most serious, we would regularly talk about having kids, a house and a future. All the things that you're supposed to talk about in a committed relationship but, the idiot that I am, didn't at any point have that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that we wouldn't have all the things we talked about. That probably makes me a little naive but I can deal with that. I guess there is an element of disbelief that I was ready to propose and she was thinking of leaving.

 

I'm not looking for any answers, my mind is creating all sorts of nightmare scenarios about what I could have done to make things different or what the real "truth" about the break up might be but I'm hoping to find a bit of support and understanding here. I really didn't think I would be back here having to start over again but I guess I have to do what I can to accept it.

 

Oh, and we work together so that will be great!

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Literally going through the same thing at the moment almost word for word minus the working together part, that's gotta be extra rough. And the only advice I can give is to just let things be for awhile and see where things go. The thing that sucks the most about this type of situation is it's like being in purgatory, you feel like you're just suffering and there's no answers either way, the not knowing is one of the worst feelings. Especially because you felt like "this time" it was going to work, this time you found the right person, this time you found the one you were going to be with, marry, etc. It wouldn't be like past relationships, and then this happens and it's one of the worst feelings in the world. When this happened to me a few days back my ex just up and disappeared, no answers, no nothing, I sent one last message to her and that was that. I had to keep myself from trying to contact her again because I knew no good would come of it and I would just feel worse. The thing is in this type of situation there's really not much you can do but focus on you and try to keep busy and get by as best you can. I know this isn't the best advice or anything, but just know you're not alone and there are others out there, and up here who understand and are going through or have been through something similar. Keep your head up.

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I am trying so hard not to text her today, give her some space and try to have a bit of perspective about the whole thing but I'm certainly not keeping it together at all I'm panicking constantly, I've not eaten anything for almost two days now and I'm sure that's not helping me feel any better but I can't face the thought of eating.

 

I appreciate the support I'm just overwhelmed with it all right now. She was who I would turn to for comfort and I can't do that now. There are practical things we have to sort out too, we had planned a really expensive holiday to the west coast of the US and were due to go in 10 weeks but I can't even begin to get my head around it yet.

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I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up. I am going through one myself after about a year into the relationship and I have most definitely been in similar shoes to your and we did work together as well. The best advice I can give you is: 1) you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and so don't spend so much time asking yourself what you did wrong. The answer may be nothing.

 

2) step back because only good will come from it. Let her know what you want and how much you love her and then give her space. Either she will come back (look at Will and Kate) or you will heal. Either way, you win.

 

Try to remember that you can love her no matter what but try to love her from afar right now and put your focus back on you whether you're at work or not.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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I know the feeling. Being without that person that you've talked to or confided in for the past few years even for just a few days feels like they've been gone an eternity. And like we all know no matter how much we try not to think about them or what happened, our brains do the exact opposite of course and that's exactly what we think about...all we think about. It makes you want to contact that person so badly it hurts....but if I ever learned even a little from past experiences like this is that contacting them, sending them texts, e-mails, anything asking why, telling them we still love them and want to be with them, etc, does nothing but make it worse. You have to remember they're not contacting us either, and there has to be a reason. It's one of those situations where you have to do your best and be strong and let things fall into place as they will. There's always a chance things could work out and a reconcilliation could happen with some space, but at the same time you have to come to terms with the fact that the opposite is more than likely going to happen.

Something I've been trying to tell myself is that either way, whether we ever talk again, or I never hear from her again and just move on with life, the key part is, I get to move on, we all do. It'll hurt like hell for awhile to come, but we do get to move on and heal eventually, there is some light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to hold onto that thought as best we can.

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