SERIOUS freudian problems...

[babylove]

Freud says if a woman chooses an older man to have a relationship with they have an Electra complex, because their father never bonded with them or encouraged a sexual relationship. I don't know about all that, I mean as I got older I chose not to forge a close relationship with my father because I was dealing with a lot of emotional problems, like cutting and burning. I identified as a lesbian and had lots of girlfriends, and got wrapped up in relationships with them, and my jobs, and partying (I started smoking pot and drinking at 16, and started doing pills at 19) so I just didn't have time for him I guess. And he never went out of his way to hang out with me or either of my siblings (except my younger sister, rarely they would play together). But when I was really little we were always playing together, and I really admired him and I still do for all he does for our family.

 

Now I'm dating a 50-year-old (I'm 20). One of the first few times I met him he saved my life (we were on a tree job and I walked out under a falling branch) but we lost contact after that for awhile. Then my ex-girlfriend started living at his house (they've always been close and her father is a drug addict so she needed a place to get on her feet without him). When we were just friends I really admired him and felt like I could talk to him, and I enjoyed helping him out around the house. But when my girlfriend broke up with me, I found myself having all kinds of dreams about him at night. I thought it was weird, especially when they turned sexual, but the next time I saw him after having all the dreams I couldn't deny I really wanted to be with him. Our relationship has been amazing, his kids accept me and have befriended me (he has 4, 16-20) and now I live at his house in the apartment upstairs. We are inseperable and we never fight (we bicker sometimes for just a few minutes though) and we communicate very well. It's been about 4 months.

 

My problem is this: I dream VERY vividly (I think it's the psychiatric drugs I'm on, I'm bipolar) and lately I've been having 1 of 2 dreams every night. The first type of dream I have is where he gets angry at me or cheats on me, but I've had dreams like that with everyone I've dated. The second type of dream is very disturbing, and it happens a lot. We'll be talking back and forth about nothing in particular (or sometimes it seems to be a serious conversation) and I'll call him Dad by mistake! It's always an accident, but it seriously happens a lot. I always wake up feeling really gross. I don't think about my dad much, and I've certainly never thought of him in "that" way. I don't want to talk to my therapist about it because I've never said these things out loud before and it scares me. This isn't the first time I've disturbed myself (I have a long history of self-abuse and suicide attempts) but it's definitely the most confusing and strange thing. However I'm beyond happy in my relationship and I don't want to give it up despite how unhealthy others may view it as. He is everything I need right now.

 

Is there anything I can do about this? Am I a disgusting person? What do these dreams really say about me? What if it happens in real life? I've just been dealing with hating myself my whole life and this really makes it worse.

[babylove]

PS I don't do pills anymore

[savignon]

I've just been dealing with hating myself my whole life and this really makes it worse.

 

I think that is where you need to put your attention and therapy would help greatly with that. Freud was on to some very cool things and it doesn't mean women want to have sexual relations with their father....its not about that. Regardless, I'm not a therapist nor do I know all of Freud's theories or meanings. I would suggest exploring these feelings and addressing the self-hate with a qualified professional.

[babylove]

Thank you. I've been neglecting exploring that because the many times I've tried to make it better I give up too easily. I guess I just have to keep going even though it feels unpleasant. Thanks again!

[savignon]

I think it was Winston Churchill who said "When you're going through hell...keep going". I love that!! Don't get stuck in it..push through.