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Hi everyone, if I could get some advise I would be most grateful.


So my ex broke up with me about 1 year ago, we dated before that for 5.5 years (I am 30 and she is 26). I was the one who was dumped it took a lot out of me, but I did my best to keep life moving. I found new friends and hobbies, basically did everything to keep myself busy. About 3 months after our breakup she started seeing someone else. We kept in very casual contact, maybe a message here or there every couple weeks.


Fast-forward to this year: In January this girl disappears off the face of the earth, I send a few messages which she ignores. I come to terms that things have most likely reached their course and I should not let it bother me. Then last week she calls me up and asks if we could meet up for dinner. Not at any restaurant, our favourite restaurant.


I decide I should go. She apologised for not being around and explained that work had been very hectic for her and she had become very stressed and depressed. So much so that she had to be booked off work for 6 weeks and had to go stay in a clinic for 2 weeks. I was quiet shocked about this, and did my best to comfort her and told her she is so young she can choose any career to go into and doesn't need to feel stuck. The conversation then moved to some of the things she had been discussing with her psychiatrist. One of which being that her and her psychiatrist were chatting that she may need some time being single so she can "find herself". Alarm bells went straight off in my head, no way a psychiatrist would suggest something like that unless her current relationship was not healthy in some way. And I also felt, where exactly is this other guy? Why is he not the one comforting you?


The conversation then went on to reminiscing about the good times we had together and we laughed and generally had a very good time. She then said that her mom really wishes that we would get back together, and how much her family really likes me. Also she said she felt that I have done so much better after the breakup than she has, I've accomplished so much and she had gone back a lot of steps. I just brushed these off with a "awe.." or a laugh. Then she asked that we could try start talking more.


She sent me a few messages after to say "thanks so much for dinner!!" and "It was really great to see you!!".


The next day I sent her an email with some links to volunteer work I had done because she was really interested in doing something similar. To which she replied:


"Thank you so much for everything!

It was great to see you again!

Keep well,



This feels like such an anti-climax of a reply.


Now I guess here is where I would like advice. In all honesty, even though I can somewhat hide it I am very much in love with her still. I have not met anyone else like her and really do miss her. I kind of felt maybe she was hinting about getting back together, and if I can make it happen I would do anything to. Do you guys thing she was hinting at getting back together? My problem is I don't want to make a move while she is dating someone else, because I feel that is wrong and unfair. And I'm also confused by the abrupt response to my email. I was thinking about sending her a message on Monday, asking how her first day back at work went and see what happens from that?


Any thoughts or advice?

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She's the one that dumped you right?

Then went ahead and started a new relationship. Now that she had hit rock bottom,;she wants you guys to talk more.

She might want you back but again she might be doing this because she have no one to lean on at this moment.

My advice is for you to try hard and keep all those feelings at bay. let are do all the talking/work

If you give her hard time getting you back,then probably when you are finally back together,she will think twice before she dump you again.good luck!

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She started seeing someone very soon after ending things with you. She hasn't been single in over 6 years and misses having a man in her life. She turns to you after the breakup so she can feel better about herself, less lonely, and is comforted to know you're still there as a Plan B and emotional safety net for her.


You're her security blanket. If she wanted to get back together, she's capable of saying so. She's going to keep things on a "friendship" level and take advantage of your feelings for her for as long as she needs to have you around. When she meets someone she wants to date, she'll probably start to disappear again.

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Thanks those are both very sensible answers. I am going to do as HarunGotD4mula says and play hard to get. In all honesty she did put me through hell during the breakup, and she should really show ME that she has changed and wants a relationship.

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