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Did I give him the wrong impression?


RuedeRivoli

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We're both 24. We went on a date which ended with a kiss. He started with a soft kiss and then it turned into a small make out. At first, he was just holding my head and had his hands on my waist.

 

However, since I'm very attracted to him, I unconsciously wrapped my leg around his and started rubbing it gently. That's when he started groping me, and rubbing my thigh, strongly pulling my body against his, kissing my neck. Mind you, I was wearing a short skirt with sheer tights!

 

Now, I'm not planning on having sex on date #2 (for sure) and date one lasted around 7 hours (we have a lot in common and he asked me on date #2 in the middle of date #1).

 

Do you think I gave him the impression that I might put out easily and he might get laid on date #2?

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He may have gotten that impression, but that's easily remedied by not having sex with him. I wouldn't worry about it.

 

If he's a stand-up dude, he'll respect your boundaries when you put off sex til later.

 

And if he doesn't, who cares what impression you made - he's a douche you'll be well rid of. Win-win!

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I think it's fine to tell him without explanation that you're not ready to have sex yet (that is if he goes for that -if he doesn't don't initiate a talk about it this early on!)and if he points out your behavior on the first date simply tell him that you got caught up and didn't mean to give him that impression.

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^

I agree with Batya. The only thing I would add is, 7 hours is quite a bit of time to spend on a first date. Having said that, I would consider spending less time on this upcoming second date, rather than possibly giving the impression that you're rushing things.

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^

I agree with Batya. The only thing I would add is, 7 hours is quite a bit of time to spend on a first date. Having said that, I would consider spending less time on this upcoming second date, rather than possibly giving the impression that you're rushing things.

 

Well, we met about a year ago and this "first" date is just a continuation of what happened last year. It's not like we met last week.

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I don't think there is any need to shorten the time you spend together on your next date. I really don't think there is a timeline to follow on how long a date should last, it all depends on whether you are enjoying each other or not, and in your case, the two of you obviously enjoyed spending time together.

 

As far as you giving the wrong impression, you obviously stopped before anything sexual happened on the first date, but I would suggest maybe mentioning on the second date that you felt things had moved a little faster than you felt comfortable with on the first date and you don't want him to get the wrong impression because you have no intention of having sex with him so soon. Worded nicely, not accusatory, of course.

 

That way your mind is at ease and he knows exactly where things stand.

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I would suggest maybe mentioning on the second date that you felt things had moved a little faster than you felt comfortable with on the first date and you don't want him to get the wrong impression because you have no intention of having sex with him so soon. Worded nicely, not accusatory, of course.

 

That way your mind is at ease and he knows exactly where things stand.

 

I agree with this suggestion. It's much better to tell him before he tries to do something..if he does.

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I don't think so. When this happens I don't think they are going to put out any faster. I do think it is going to be fun though when it does happens. I'm sure he'll wait.

 

As far as date lengths go. Do whatever feels right for you, not what's right for other people.

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So, last night we went out and while we were making out (well, that was pretty much dry humping at that point), he mentioned taking me to his place but he couldn't because he had an early morning. Then I told him I wanted to wait a little and asked him if he was okay with that. He responded "well, some things are worth working for".

 

He then told me to text him when I get home, and when I did he was like "I had fun, until next time, Ashley!".

 

Is it safe to assume, he's not running away?

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It doesn't seem like he's going to run away but, to be honest, I don't really like that response that some things are worth working for. It's like sex is the main thing he's interested in. Then again, maybe it was just in the heat of the moment.

Whatever happens, make sure you have sex only when you feel like it.

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It doesn't seem like he's going to run away but, to be honest, I don't really like that response that some things are worth working for. It's like sex is the main thing he's interested in. Then again, maybe it was just in the heat of the moment.

Whatever happens, make sure you have sex only when you feel like it.

 

Ha. It's actually a response to the way I phrased my sentence. After he mentioned going to his place, I said the following:

 

"I wanna make you sweat a little before you get there ... you know I wanna make you work for it a little .. Are you okay with that?"

 

I phrased my sentence in a "teasing" way. He knows I was teasing him but serious at the same time. But yeah, that's why he said "some things are worth working for".

 

We were making out, and things go heavy, I didn't really have time to phrase my intentions properly.

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It's fine, let's not pretend only guys get horny and want sex. If you worry about him banging and running away then don't let him bang and play your little waiting game.

 

I would personally want someone to be real with me and explain why they want to wait. It's all a game to me, to protect yourself or whatever, its still a game to me, imo. But an open person separates themselves from the woman who want me to wait, but tease and tries to take my shirt off when I'm on cuddlemode, or the woman who wants to make me wait because I'm guy number 2 and I havent surpassed dude 1 yet, so I don't get the full step in the normal chain events that lead to us being an item. When they are open and they explain themselves about pretty much anything, I gain way more respect and care for her- its hard for me not to. I have dated a virgin for 8 months and never touched her this way.

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Oh, ok then. Your 'fault', not his...lol

 

On a more serious note, if it's a relationship you're eventually interested in, it might be for the best to tell him exactly that...because what you said could be taken in many different ways.

 

You're right. We've only been on two dates, so I felt as though it was a bit too early to have this "talk" because I don't want to sound like I'm rushing things.

But I agree, I need to tell him what I'm looking for exactly. I'll try to bring this up soon enough.

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I want to make him wait, because I'm looking for a relationship. Not because I'm playing some kind of twisted game. There's no guy #1 or #2.

Just because I want to make him wait before going all the way, doesn't mean I'm playing him. I just want to take things slow.

I should have told him why exactly I want to make him wait, but for me it sounds pretty clear that if I make him wait, it's because I'm looking for something substantial with him. I thought he'd read between the lines!

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Everyone's experience is different and not cookie-cutter. Maybe I see from nyc-eyes but there was a reason I put "imo". His chance of having my perspective can be low.or high, but that's my 0.02.

 

And I am not saying what you are doing is twisted, I recommend many women to do exactly what you did. But like I said, for the sake of discussion or for sharing my own perspective I see all these rules and procedures as a game with rules, nothing bad with that, I see dating in general as a big game. Girls can do this, guys can't do that, careful with this, careful with that.

 

I am.just thinking in messages, I didn't mean to.offend.

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Well, today he ignored my text when he clearly was online, on that dating website where we met! I think he was just playing a part and when he realized I wasn't gonna put out, he backed off.

 

Relax hon. You two aren't exclusive. You only went on two dates. It's still early on and he can back off for any number of reasons ... now or in the future.

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Wow, so you noticed he was on the dating website so you text him to see if he will text you back? This is game playing- maybe not twisted but game playing nonetheless.

 

I dont care if a person decides to sleep first date or not, but be honest about your intentions and make sure your actions matches your intentions.

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Wow, so you noticed he was on the dating website so you text him to see if he will text you back? This is game playing- maybe not twisted but game playing nonetheless.

 

I dont care if a person decides to sleep first date or not, but be honest about your intentions and make sure your actions matches your intentions.

 

My actions do match my intentions! How are they not matching my intentions? I said I didn't want to sleep on date 2 but I didn't mean, no preview at all!

 

As for the texting, I texted him way after he logged off, it's just I noticed he was online a couple of hours prior!

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Well, today he ignored my text when he clearly was online, on that dating website where we met! I think he was just playing a part and when he realized I wasn't gonna put out, he backed off.

 

You have no idea if he ignored your text. All you know is that he did not yet respond. There may be many reasons for that. Just like you don't want him to read into what you did, don't start reading into a text he doesn't respond to right away.

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