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Confused Daughter


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So basically I've been noticing recently my dad has been acting even more weird than normal. It will take quite a long time to explain our relationship because it's pretty dysfunctional:

I was born in the country side in England and lived with my dads family (they all loved in one big house, his siblings their kids and wives/husbands and his mum). My dads dad (my grandfather) died when my dad was only 9 and his eldest brother was 19. Anyways, I was born and at this period of time my dads family were treating my mum and me really . They were basically treating us like servants and we couldn't leave the house etc. my dad was working 24/7 in London so I hardly saw him and he basically didn't want anything to do with me or my mum. My mum wanted a divorce and wanted to become a single mum but for some reason this didn't happen. Anyways, later my younger sister was born and when I was 6 we moved to London to be with my dad in a flat. I was still quite young so I only remember snippets but I do remember being absolutely terrified or this random man claiming to be my dad, I used to run away from him whenever I saw him to my mum.

When we were living in the flat he still didn't care for me at all. He used to call me fat and ugly but never to my face always to my mum. He used to blame me being slightly overweight to the way my mum brought me up even though he was never present.

Sadly when I was 7 I became really, really ill with a super rare disease (I think 1 in 100,000 young girls get it). I was put into hospital for 2 months. My mum lived with me and my mums mum looked after my younger sister. My dad would come once every other week for an hour just to do his duty. The saddest thing I think I could ever remember was during this time, because of my illness I couldn't stand properly because my joints were so weak. One time my dad came and I knew he likes table football so I walked all the way to he table football table in the children's wars and he told me he would meet me there. I stood for about two hours and by the end my ankle joints were so swollen I collapsed. My mum later told me he had actually left ages ago. I was so upset because I really wanted to make an effort and be with him but he never really cared it seemed for me or his actual family.

When I was about 8 we moved into a new house that was much bigger. It was at this point that he started to make an effort with me, get to know me and try to form that father/daughter bond. For me and him it took about a year but we were all right and I think I had sort of got a dad. It was much more difficult for my younger sister who was absolutely petrified of him as he used to hit her when she was younger. It has taken them about 5 years to form a bond and even now sometimes he randomly snaps and almost hits her again. He hardly ever hit me but that was because I never answered back but my younger sister is dyslexic and dyspraxic so can't understand situations as well so doesn't know when to stop, it's not her fault.

Anyway everything seemed to be sorted out, my parents were happy together and go out on dates every friday and he had got more involved. Suddenly out of no where a couple weeks back he sat down me and now 2 younger sisters for a chat on one skiing holiday. He went round to each of us and for about 1 hour laid into us about how bad we were and in all the different aspects of life that we were failing. He called me a , a tart, a with her and ass hanging out all because on my birthday last November we went out for dinner and I wore a knee-length short sleeved dresss with a jumper on top. He told me I had no respect, that I would never get my dream job and that I am basically a failure. He has also said that I cannot have any technology in my room and that he must see it on the kitchen tables at all times.

Ever since this talk we have been having problems, I get upset whenever I see him and he acts like he did right thing because 'he isn't bringing up a bunch of ',

Just to put this in context I do not own one bikini, nor any short shorts or crop tops. The shortest dress I have is just longer than mid-thigh and the shortest skirt I own is knee length.


I don't know what has happened to all that 'bonding' we did over the last 8 years since I was 8 but it seems he has totally reverted back to his old ways and doesn't really care about us anymore again! Is there any explanation to this?

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Oh for goodness sakes. There was no "provocative dressing" going on here Op so don't worry about that. The thing is, from what I'm thinking, your father has a problem and your mother is an enabler. Don't expect too much from either of them at this point. It's gone on too long with your mother being too codependent to actually take charge of her life and get you kids free of your father and his (apparent) mental issues.


At this point, you'd do well to move out if you can and seek out some councelling to help you with overcoming the upbringing you've been subjected to. Can you go to your family doctor and ask for a referral to someone? Maybe contact social services and ask for advice?


Do you work? Can you leave and find a flat with some roomies or something?

Do you go to school? Maybe see your guidance councellor and ask for help with what you're feeling and how to overcome?

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