musiclady Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I have been dating this man for about 6 months now, we are not in a serious relationship but we do like each other a lot and have amazing sex. When we met he told me he was 25, which is young as I am 40, but I recently found out that he is actually 19. I just wanted to hear other's thoughts about the age difference. I'm considering ended the relationship but he is actually more mature than most men I know closer to my age.....including how good of a lover he is. Link to comment
BigKK Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Well he lied about his age...which is no good. You're dating a kid though and still considering it, so perhaps YOU come into question in my mind. He's going to be going through the biggest changes in his life, so I doubt there is much hope for the future. A 19 year old more mature than 40 year olds, perhaps but I don't buy it. Link to comment
Furbys Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 You said you are not in a serious relationship so this is just casual sex? Either way hes lied to you and most likely is sleeping with other women if this isnt a serious relationship. It doesnt matter how much of a 'good lover' hes lied to you. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I have been dating this man for about 6 months now, we are not in a serious relationship but we do like each other a lot and have amazing sex. When we met he told me he was 25, which is young as I am 40, but I recently found out that he is actually 19. I just wanted to hear other's thoughts about the age difference. I'm considering ended the relationship but he is actually more mature than most men I know closer to my age.....including how good of a lover he is. A mature man does not lie about his age. There are indeed plenty of mature men over 40. Link to comment
musiclady Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 You said you are not in a serious relationship so this is just casual sex? Either way hes lied to you and most likely is sleeping with other women if this isnt a serious relationship. It doesnt matter how much of a 'good lover' hes lied to you. Yes, it is just casual sex, which is why I'm not really concerned about him lying about his age, I realize he is only 19 and if he acted like most 19 year olds I wouldn't even consider going on with the relationship. He's probably sleeping with other women as well, we are not in a commited relationship so he is more than welcome to. I really just wanted to see what other's think about the age difference, if they have issues with it or since it is two consenting adults, do they think it's ok. Personally I don't think age should be an issue as long as they are both adults, I think it's more about how mature the people are. And yes, even though he lied about his age, he really is very mature for a 19 year old. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 19 is a kid no matter how mature he acts, which is all it can be, an act. Seems gross and pointless. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I think that you should move on for several reasons. He lied out of immaturity - so how can he be "mature for a 19 year old?" That is major misrepresentation on his part. You might not have started fooling around with him had you known he was 19. Would you have left him alone and went after a 25 year old or would have had the sense to tell him to look you up in a couple yeras? Legally, you are consenting adults, but he is not yet mature enough for what you want to do. I think its a bit predatory for you to be sleeping with a boy. If you want your kicks with a younger guy (and he is okay with that) just because he is younger, a guy who is 28 or 30 is fully aware of what he is doing and what it is and he is not living with his folks. Honestly, I think you should aim a little older because don't you deserve a relationship of equals? Or if you just want sex, someone who is mature enough to be up front and agree to what it is, too? A 19 year old who lies to have sex with someone is not who you want. He has little to offer you and you don't want to reward dishonesty. When its a 19 year old, it might really mess with his head. Don't assume he is sleeping around with others. He may very well think you are exclusive. Link to comment
Iggles Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 Yes, it is just casual sex, which is why I'm not really concerned about him lying about his age, I realize he is only 19 and if he acted like most 19 year olds I wouldn't even consider going on with the relationship. Ok, so you wanted to know what other people think about you sleeping with a teenager? If you were perfectly ok with that, not sure if you'd be soliciting opinions. Anyways, here mine: I think it's gross you're twice his age. Would you want a 40 year old to mess around with your 19 year old child? (regardless of gender) I wouldn't. At my age (29), I don't look at 19 years olds as romantic partners. But to each their own.. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 I really just wanted to see what other's think about the age difference, if they have issues with it or since it is two consenting adults, do they think it's ok.. Like a few others here, I think it's inappropriate. 19 is still a kid, no matter how you cut it, and I honestly doubt he can be more mature than a 40 year old man - highly unlikely - he's barely out of high school. Dating a teenager just seems ... a bit yuck and just wrong (imo). Link to comment
petite Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 He is way too young even for a casual fling/sex. Although, I'm getting the feeling that if it were no strings attached, or emotional connection than you wouldn't even give it much thought, you'd just end it. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
Roxie84 Posted March 1, 2014 Share Posted March 1, 2014 What else could be by lying about? Can I ask what the two of you have in common? I don't mean to sound judgmental, but you don't need me to tell you that teenagers are not exactly in for the long-haul. I would save yourself the hurt and confusion. Afterall, the last thing I would ever want to go is go back to teenage dating - adult dating is complicated enough Link to comment
mantragrrl Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Of course the sex is amazing, the two of you are both at your sexual peaks. What you describe is very common. I have met many 18-19 year old guys who lie and say they are 25 (I'm 42 btw)..... And regarding what many people in this thread say, I have met some guys who are more mature at 23 than men at 40, it depends on life experiences, etc. It's interesting in online dating that men in their 20s will offer to take me out to dinner, "court" me as you say yet men in their 40s talk about their genital size right away, as me what are my sexual preferences and they are a total turn-off. If the guy is on his own and has his own business, he's way more mature than mr. live at home/party/go to college guy. But, I have found with these relationships that one or both of us would get attached, and then usually it ends badly. That's why it's best to just see these things as casual sex and not get attached, to avoid the inevitable heartbreak that ensues. Because I can tell you that these type of guys are addictive. Once it ends you'll miss the hot sex and chemistry and a guy your age won't be able to provide that same type of "high".....and then you'll go seeking it again and again. Link to comment
musiclady Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 Well I thank you all for your opinions, I know some of you don't believe me when I say it's just casual sex and that he is very mature for his age..despite his lying, which is a common thing for men older than him. We do have other things in common and are friend but that is all it is and I don't see how him being with a person who is honest and kind to him is a bad thing. For now we are going to remain friends and skip the sex stuff....which for being only 19 he is more understanding about than men twice his age....but I'm sure that's not because he's mature. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 Well I thank you all for your opinions, I know some of you don't believe me when I say it's just casual sex and that he is very mature for his age..despite his lying, which is a common thing for men older than him. We do have other things in common and are friend but that is all it is and I don't see how him being with a person who is honest and kind to him is a bad thing. For now we are going to remain friends and skip the sex stuff....which for being only 19 he is more understanding about than men twice his age....but I'm sure that's not because he's mature. And I'm pretty sure you are making excuses for him. I don't think lying about their age is a common thing amongst older men. Sure, some probably do it but I don't think it is common. Also do you really believe that you won't end up having sex? If this is just a casual sex thing, then why would you bother being friends with a guy who is barely an adult? Link to comment
musiclady Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 And I'm pretty sure you are making excuses for him. I don't think lying about their age is a common thing amongst older men. Sure, some probably do it but I don't think it is common. Also do you really believe that you won't end up having sex? If this is just a casual sex thing, then why would you bother being friends with a guy who is barely an adult? Sorry, I didn't mean that it's common for older men to lie about their age, I meant that they lie too. It's not something that just 19 year olds do. I like having sex with him but i do have enough self control not to so i know it wont go back to that. As far as staying friends, well, I really see no reason not to. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 2, 2014 Share Posted March 2, 2014 I think it's predatory even if you don't comprehend how it could be. I think there is something very messed up that you would even consider someone so young as a potential sex partner or more. And this 'friends' business is bs - you f/ked him. He's 19. Friends is off the table now - just leave him alone. That's my opinion. The way you speak freaks me out. Like you are talking about a man you are having some sort of relationship with. You aren't. You are simply preying on a kid who doesn't know better at this point in his life. I think it's pretty freaky if you don't 'get' this. He's not a 'mature man'. He's not even an equal. he's a young man who hasn't gotten his own feet in life yet. And you are messing with that, in my opinion, by interfering. If you want to stay in la la land and screw younger guys and pretend it's more than it is or something other than it is (two people using each other to get rocks off and feed fantasies), then at least set a reasonable age range. Like someone else said, men in their thirties is an idea - they actually are full grown men who have had a chance to establish themselves as human beings and decide what it is they want out of life. So screw away. It's not that this kid is so mature...it's that you are so immature...you don't 'get' it. Link to comment
musiclady Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I'm sorry your relationships were so bad that you couldn't remain friends after. You say I'm immature but I can have sexual relationships with men and still be friends after. I find it funny because after I got so many negative responses I decided to try something and posted the same thing elsewhere except I changed the older person to a man and the younger person to a woman, such a different response...not so negative. It's a shame people look at men and women so differently when it comes to sex and relationships. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I'm sorry your relationships were so bad that you couldn't remain friends after. You say I'm immature but I can have sexual relationships with men and still be friends after. I find it funny because after I got so many negative responses I decided to try something and posted the same thing elsewhere except I changed the older person to a man and the younger person to a woman, such a different response...not so negative. It's a shame people look at men and women so differently when it comes to sex and relationships. I don't think the point was about you remaining friends with someone with whom you've had a sexual relationship. The point was your connection was based around sex, so trying to change it "friends" isn't going to work in the sense that you will likely have sex again but, anyways …... I was in a relationship with a man who was 15 years younger than me. We were together for 3 years. He was 27 and I was 42 when we met. My own opinions have nothing to do with the fact that this is an OW/YM scenario because I agree that society takes a different view when the woman is older (or at least that used to be the case, I don't think it is so much anymore). However, in this situation, opinions are focusing on the fact that, at 19, he is still really a boy and although he can easily come accross as being mature with his words, his actions will tell a whole different story eventually. I mean why would a 19 year old want to be friends with a 40 year old woman? I can understand why a 19 year old boy might think it "hot" to have the older woman experience but, outside of that, I cannot see what you would have in common with a 19 year old. Also, I think many people WILL question the intentions of a 40 year old man who has a 19 year old girlfriend, whatever you say otherwise. I have an 18 year old daughter (she will be 19 in a few months time) and I can tell you now that I would NOT be happy if she told me she had a 40 year boyfriend. I watch my daughter and her friends when they are getting ready to go out. At this age it is about a tad too much make-up, too much fake tan, hobbling around in ridiculously high heels because they are playing at being "sexy" and getting silly when they have too much to drink. I would definitely question a 40 year old man's intentions and/or his own maturity level if he couldn't connect with a woman nearer his own age. My thoughts remain the same. At 18/19 they are barely adults … and whilst I wouldn't go as far as saying you were preying on him, I would still question what on earth you, as a 40 year old, could get by connecting with someone so young - sex or no sex. For me this has nothing to do with this being an older woman/younger man (boy) situation, it is simply his age. I watch my daughter and her male friends (who are 18-19) and to me they are babies still trying to play at being adults. They aren't men by any stretch of the imagination. They are boys. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Also, I would like to add that I do actually realise that some young people can be mature for their ages … BUT … nevertheless, the fact still remains that he STILL has a lot of growing up to do. He still has a certain amount of inexperience with life, no matter how mature of a person he is "for his age". You said you had been dating him for 6 months yet you had only recently found out that he was 19. So he carried on this lie for some time then? That, to me, shows a lack of respect as well as maturity - but maybe that's not such a surprise from someone who still has a lot to learn (ie. how to treat a women, how to be a gentleman etc). Link to comment
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