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My ex might be coming to an event I am going to! (5 years since breakup)


Amano Ginji

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Hello everyone,

 

Background

I was in 4 year relationship with a classmate from my school when I was 19. Our relationship ended abruptly when we were 22 because she started having feelings for someone else. While she broke up with me saying that she did not feel the same for me anymore, the real reason for the breakup was that she had gotten into a long distance relationship with a classmate from a previous school who she connected with on Facebook. It's been 5 years since our breakup and I have moved on with my life. She has been married to the guy she broke up with me for since 2 years.

 

The problem

The school that we both went to has organized all the alumni have been invited for this event. Since my ex and me went to the same school, she has been sent an invite for this event as well. I am pretty sure she is going to be present for this event as well.

 

I have moved on with my life and her marriage with this guy has not affected me in any way. Although, a lot has changed in the past 5 years. I am 27 and I have lost most of my hair. I don't exercise so I am pretty unhealthy. I have not had any meaningful relationships in the past 5 years. I have also lost all my confidence that I had back in the day. I have changed big time while she still looks good (I checked out her Facebook profile. Probably shouldn't have)

 

There is a possibility that she will bring her husband along for this event. It's already going to be awkward meeting her after so long. The husband is going to make things even more awkward.

 

I have no idea what to do if my ex turns up at this event. There will be a handful of people that we both know and our paths will definitely cross while regrouping with old classmates. Our breakup was messy and I was badly hurt. So should I speak to her if I bump into her? What is the first thing I should say? What can I do to make the situation less awkward for me? What if I panic and make a fool out of my self? How can I continue the conversation? How can I be cool about bumping into her (or at least pretend to be cool about it).

 

I am worried that I might just go numb when I bump into her because this happened to me when I bumped into her brother a few years back.

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How long do you have until this event?

If you are this worried about bumping into her, I wouldn't say you are completely over it. Sounds like your still holding on to getting some kind of closure to everything. You're stressing out a lot about things that probably won't happen. Are you going to try and purposely bump into her? Do you think she would purposely bump into you?

 

If you have some time before the event, my best suggestion is work on yourself. If you are unhappy with being unhealthy, change your habits and become healthy. Try and work on getting your confidence back. And if that isnt possible, I suggest trying to avoid her at this event and enjoy catching up with other classmates instead.

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I don't think the problem is this party or your ex. It is merely a symptom of a bigger problem- how you feel about yourself.

 

I think MisUnderstood is right. I would stop thinking about this party. If you feel unhealthy- start exercising. If you are struggling with low self-esteem- see a therapist. If you worry that people will focus on your hair- go out an get some new clothes that look great on you no matter what. Start a hobby. Read some really interesting books.

 

Once YOU like you...what does it matter if she does?

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The event is just two days away. It just struck me that my ex might come to the event as well and I am not mentally prepared for this.

 

I don't want to bump into her. I am pretty happy with my life. I know for a fact that we will bump into each other as we were a class of 12 students so we all will be moving around as a group.

 

I don't want to be all quite and numb with her around. I want to be myself. I don't want her presence to affect me. I don't want to plan and plot my moves on the day of the event. I just want things to flow the way they would have if she was not around. It is possible that I haven't got the closure I was looking for. It is also possible that the issue is not really about her as much as it is about getting back my self esteem. But I don't want to walk out of this event feeling miserable and want to know how to achieve this objective

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Sorry pal, no quick fix for this one. Either you didn't get closure and you need to come to terms with that (and if it's not happened in 5 yrs, it will not be wrapped up in the next 2 days) OR you have serious self-esteem issues. Again, not something that can be worked out in 2 days.

 

Only thing I can think of that would be of any help is this: You say you have other friends in this group. Call the one you're closest to BEFORE the party and tell him/her you're not sure why, but you are feeling very anxious about this issue and you're hoping you can lean on them for support. A good friend will stick by your side, cover any awkward silences with cheerful babble and be sure to mention at least 2 or 3 ways that you or your life is fabulous.

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