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What does "moving on" really mean


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I'm sure this type of question has been raised on this forum before, but I thought I'd ask it again.

 

What do people really mean when they say "I've moved on". I think it means different things for the dumpee than it does for the dumper. Also can people move on and still love the person they're moving on from? Personally I have been told that the person has "moved on" but hasn't stopped loving me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced that.

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To me moving on would mean no longer being consumed with your ex or thoughts of your ex and learning how to live your life knowing that you are no longer a couple. And being happy with that.

 

And yes, I do think you can still feel love for your ex and still live a happy life without them.

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I was a dumpee who obviously didn't want that and even 2.5 years later it's hard for me to think I've completely "moved on." However that term and what it means to a single individual varies so much I think it's just the type of feeling you will ease into and at some point you will realize you have "moved on" but most likely only when something else comes along(and not necessarily a relationship) that has an extremely profound effect on your life.

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I'm sure this type of question has been raised on this forum before, but I thought I'd ask it again.

 

What do people really mean when they say "I've moved on". I think it means different things for the dumpee than it does for the dumper. Also can people move on and still love the person they're moving on from? Personally I have been told that the person has "moved on" but hasn't stopped loving me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has experienced that.

 

For me, it means I'm no longer invested/investing in them. For a dumper I suppose it means that, too, although I didn't do the dumping. For the dumpee, it means accepting that they are not going to have what they used to have with that person and they've gotten to the point where they see staying stuck is wasting time and youth they'll never get back.

 

I also believe that the "love" turns into "caring"; as in they care about your well being, but not enough to re-enter you life and invest and commit to the obligation of a relationship with you.

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well to me... "moving on" is when you no longer have this ideal situation for the person you were with, there is nothing left to give hate nor love resulting in no viable aspect of the past a completely alternate state of mind "freedom" of what once was all the things you "loved and admired" about that individual no longer important nor as many will agree with on your mind, there is a memory but no emotional affiliation nor conflict with any of it. For example being exposed to violence through whatever media, familial problems whatever, you become "numb" to the very essence of "violence" not having any reaction... That is very similar to "moving on" there are no thoughts that cause hindering emotional bonds with the ex in any type of manner. There is no form of attachment linked with memories or nostalgia, you simply remember nothing less and nothing more. Having that unattached feeling results in the continuance of your own life so that is where the "freedom" comes in. In my case I love my ex still to this day, but it is not as if I'd go running up to him clinging desperately to what "was" I'm 21 engaged and I love my partner very much we're also pregnant, so moving on could mean something completely different but still I have my "what if I had done this or given him respect that he deserved and treated him just as well as I treat my partner".. but then other days I go about just thinking about how much I'm in love and how blessed I am by the universe to be with someone who I believe loves me as well.

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I asked that same question years ago, I asked the difference between moving on and getting over. I got a lot of responses, but I like this one the best

Moving on means that you still care what happens to them.

Getting over means that you dont give a crap what happens to them.

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I asked that same question years ago, I asked the difference between moving on and getting over. I got a lot of responses, but I like this one the best

Moving on means that you still care what happens to them.

Getting over means that you dont give a crap what happens to them.

 

Pretty much this... I've moved on from my ex, but I'm still not over her. I care about her and I think I still ove her, but I could not bring myself to get back with her if she asked me.

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When a Dumper tells you they've moved on, what they're saying is that they love you as a friend... they love you as a person.... but they're no longer *in love* with you. Those passionate in-love romantic yearning sexual feelings they had for you are gone. They've moved on.... either to someone else or to seek out those feelings in someone they haven't met yet.

 

When a Dumpee says they've moved on, usually what they're saying is that they've gotten over the pain of the breakup and are moving forward with their life having accepted that the relationship is over.

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Wow this is more replies than I expected I always figured that when someone says they're moving but still loves you, it was more of a choice than something that just happened. Like a choice to accept.

 

If they were REALLY in love with you.... they wouldn't be breaking up with you, no matter what.

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Great question! I'm the dumpee. Man, I took the breakup hard! I could not believe how As at least one person said, the answer will vary. For me, it was when he was no longer able to pull me back in.

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If they were REALLY in love with you.... they wouldn't be breaking up with you, no matter what.

 

Sharky, that's not true though because I was the dumper and really in love with the dumpee but I had to pull the trigger even though he "didn't" want to.

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Sharky, that's not true though because I was the dumper and really in love with the dumpee but I had to pull the trigger even though he "didn't" want to.

 

I'm going to quote my mom here...

 

"Your father is a terrible person to live with. He's bipolar, depressed, stubborn and old fashioned. He never listens to what other people have to say and he's always right about everything. And this is the reason I love him. Because his flaws make him perfect. I love him for who he is. If I could change him, I wouldn't, because it would be another person."

 

You may have loved your ex Jens... But not enough to stick with him no matter what. True love is to accept the person for what they really are. Extremely "flawed" or not. It's not something easy to have and it's rare.

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I'm going to quote my mom here...

 

"Your father is a terrible person to live with. He's bipolar, depressed, stubborn and old fashioned. He never listens to what other people have to say and he's always right about everything. And this is the reason I love him. Because his flaws make him perfect. I love him for who he is. If I could change him, I wouldn't, because it would be another person."

 

You may have loved your ex Jens... But not enough to stick with him no matter what. True love is to accept the person for what they really are. Extremely "flawed" or not. It's not something easy to have and it's rare.

 

But he hurt me a lot though

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I agree that you can truly love someone and leave them. You don't need to feel guilty, jenbrooks. If someone we love hurts us sometimes we can't look at them the same way even if the feelings are still there. With that said you should take inventory of the relationship, if you guys are really still in love you might want to give it another shot. Just my opinion.

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I agree that you can truly love someone and leave them. You don't need to feel guilty, jenbrooks. If someone we love hurts us sometimes we can't look at them the same way even if the feelings are still there. With that said you should take inventory of the relationship, if you guys are really still in love you might want to give it another shot. Just my opinion.

 

I tried. I started posting under Breaking Up, then moved to Getting Back Together, then Breaking Up, then finally in Healing After Breakup or Divorce section. See the workflow?

 

Here is my latest vent story

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But he hurt me a lot though

 

To love means to hurt and be hurt. Your parents hurt you sometimes. Your friends hurt you. You hurt you. It's up to you to recognize the thin line between loving someone and being "addicted" to the idea or image they give to you.

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Sharky, that's not true though because I was the dumper and really in love with the dumpee but I had to pull the trigger even though he "didn't" want to.

 

Sweetie I think you loved your ex very much and never would've broken up with him if you had a choice. I don't think his feelings were on the same level as yours and he didn't have the same investment in you emotionally. I know he was the dumper the first time and don't think he was ever really on board with your reconciliation.

 

My comment was really meant for the OP, who might still be looking for some glimmer of hope in what his ex said about still loving him.... because if she was IN love, she wouldn't have broken up with him -- and neither would your ex have treated you that way if his feelings were still there.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Sharky currently I'm not looking for a glimmer of hope. I'm taking her at face value now and its a lot easier and healthier than anxiously hashing things over looking for hidden themes. She's told me she never stopped loving me and she definitely still has feelings for me (she has shown it) but she also says she's moved on and accepted. So I'm going with that for both of our sakes.

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