Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I have been in a relationship with almost a year with a woman whom I love BUT she has a nasty, degrading side. We have almost broken up a number of times but we haven't. We live an hour apart and I have dogs which isn't ideal for her. She also has quite a bit of money that she was started off with when her mother died unfortunately and left her probably 100,000 at least with which she bought a home, sold it, bought another, etc. Needless to say, I'm 10 years younger but she still has much more money than I do but to be frank, I'm not destitute. I have a great paying job and I take her out, etc. Last night she said, "I didn't envision my life like this... I thought I would have a gf who brought something to the table." Wow. So I say, no one is forcing you to stay here, but then she says she loves me and doesn't want to break up. I don't get it. She thinks that just because she has money (which, again, she was given), that she is somehow more valuable of a person. I just don't know if this sort of relationship can or should last... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
randy33 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Im sorry but that is a vulgar thing to say. people who measure themselves on external things, such as money and belongings, and then feel entitled to feel superior and put down others, are in my opinion, GROSS. I say call her out on her behavior, this perception, however miniscule it appears, speaks volumes about her character, and you deserve to be with someone who lifts u up, not puts you down to make themselves feel up. this will only grow in momentum and you will find your self esteem compromised. Link to comment
Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks so much, Randy. What's funny is, I know this to my core and yet, I don't know why I still question, "is she right?" I know she isn't and I did call her on it but she of course gets defensive. The mean comments have been a theme throughout our relationship and she feels justified because she thinks that she is "paying for my mistakes" in life... Because I live temporarily in a simple cottage or because I have dogs and can't run off anytime I want, etc. We haven't actually spoken today and I don't actually feel like contacting her. It sucks because when it's good it's great!! And when it's bad it's BAD. Thanks for your kind words. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Paying for your mistakes? What mistakes? Unless there's something you're not telling us here, e.g. you've had a prison sentence, bankruptcy due to incompetence or something similar, it doesn't sound as though you've made any. Apart, possibly, from being in a relationship with someone with a nasty, degrading side. It sounds as though you two have very different value systems. If I were you I'd let her continue to look for someone with a large unearned income and a huge sense of entitlement so they can feel superior together. As Randy says, this kind of scenario can wreak havoc with your self esteem. Find yourself a partner who appreciates you for who you ARE, not what you've got. Link to comment
Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks, Nutbrownhare my mistakes are that, after my last long term relationship where we had adopted two dogs on top of the two that I had, I ended up with all four dogs (which to me is a lot but not a mistake) and my money situation that I don't have a ton of money in stocks and I haven't bought a home. Those are the mistakes that she speaks of Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 In the general scheme of things, these aren't mistakes. If you no longer had a home/stocks because you'd lost your fortune gambling, yes. If you couldn't afford to keep your dogs, yes (after the first two, I'm guessing that another two don't make that much difference!). Would she have wanted you to get rid of your dogs??? There ARE people around who'd regard your menagerie as a plus, particularly people who can't have pets themselves for whatever reason. Saying that she's paying for your mistakes is an awful thing to say, mean spirited and patronising. Given that you live an hour apart and it's actually taking some considerable effort to meet, I'd really let this one go. Link to comment
Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 27, 2014 Author Share Posted February 27, 2014 Thanks NBH- it's hard because I do love her in spite of what she says but I think you're right. And my perspective has been, you should never be with someone if you actually think such awful things... Thank you Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I don't know why I still question, "is she right?" Because one of the things that happen to someone when they are being emotionally abused continually for a year is that their self-esteem takes a big hit, and they start to question their self-worth. Link to comment
toby17 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 "I didn't envision my life like this... I thought I would have a gf who brought something to the table." Sorry but that's definitely a red sign. Read this article: link removed! Is your gf a Shallow Sharon or a Selfish Stanley? Btw I agree with Spottiotti entirely. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 The problem is, this kind of nasty only gets worse. When you stick around after one degrading thing, it's like offering a license to degrade some more--and the volume really gets ramped up every time you demo that you'll accept the next degree of intensity. No matter how much you object to this treatment, you stay. This is apparently someone with a Groucho Marx complex--she doesn't respect you for being with her, and she just keeps confirming a deeper lack of respect with every witch test. I'd bail on this one. Hold your head high, and walk ON--before she bludgeons every last bit of strength you possess to do so. We're here for you. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks, Nutbrownhare my mistakes are that, after my last long term relationship where we had adopted two dogs on top of the two that I had, I ended up with all four dogs (which to me is a lot but not a mistake) and my money situation that I don't have a ton of money in stocks and I haven't bought a home. Those are the mistakes that she speaks of Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Those are choices not mistakes. I'm sorry she just sounds kind of mean spirited and shallow. I'm sure you will miss the good times. But there's someone out there that will give you the good times without the bad. Link to comment
Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Thank you all so much. This has really helped and you're so right!! I think I always want to know... Will these people be happy when they get what they think they want? I think not. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Will assume you two are lesbians since it says you are a female and you mentioned "gf". Anyways, which one of you is assuming the male role? Because if you are assuming the male role then it somewhat makes sense, your gf thinks that shes the woman in the relationship so thus she somehow thinks you should be bringing in more $ to match the amount of $ she has? Sounds pretty superficial and stupid but I've witnessed many cases of this including my parents. While in your shoes you are thinking something along the lines of "How can you think something so illogical? You inherited that money, its not like you earned it yourself so get off your high horse!" If I'm even slightly accurate in my assumptions then you need to start earning more money because you've just discovered that that is the type of person she is. Link to comment
Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Lol Termus there are so many false premises in your response... The first being that lesbians must have male and female roles. We are women who act like women and we actually both make the same amount of money. No one should ever have to "earn more money" to appease a superficial person. Then you are a puppet on someone else's strings... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Oh wow. No one has to assume a 'male' or 'female' role in a gay or straight relationship. People are people. Not ideas shoved into boxes. Anyway as for the thread. Your girlfriend sounds incredibly materialistic and shallow and also like she doesn't see how insulting she is being. I think it may be time to move on. You sound like a very nice person and you deserve better. Link to comment
Nebraskagirl14 Posted February 28, 2014 Author Share Posted February 28, 2014 Thanks, Sapphire!!! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment
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