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Bleed again??


Daisy10

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Hi,

 

I tried 'sex' with my ex-boyfriend a year and 6 months ago, I have done nothing since, we both loved each other and been together for a year and 2 months,

he penetrated me, but decided I wasn't ready, so we stopped after about 5 minutes of trying, he was very easy with that and was very understanding, he was moving to another country so we wanted to make love to each other before he left, lol but didn't go according to plan,

 

 

But now I am in a relationship with a boy who follows a religion where being a virgin is very important and women have to show bleeding their first time if the husband family's requests it,

but I have some questions, thinking will I bleed again after having it once, which lasted five minutes?

I know probably my hymen is broken, or could it not be? I looked in the mirror, there is no hole just looking naturally, but I don't know if I become all relaxed before sex etc...

but will I be tight still? will I probably bleed? because if we were to marry, the sex would occur after marriage, I have told him I am not a virgin, and he says he stills wants to be with me, and marry me, and that it is okay, saying he loves me,

and if his parents ask for the bed sheet, then he said we will fake it,

but I feel very unworthy, and degraded about this, I don't feel equal to the girls of his religion because i am not a virgin, I am just as kind, decent as they are, and I know I tried with my ex-boyfriend before, but it was from love (even though it wasn't successful),

 

For him I want to give him that, as he said it is important, but he says that he loves me and it is okay, he has no problem and we will fake if needed, but in myself I am not satisfied if I don't bleed, I feel low and not special,

If girls in his religion are not virgins, then they are seen as lower people, and the boys don't want 'broken girls' (meaning hymen is broken) and that is what it is making me feel, but I love him,

I wish I could turn back time, but I can't,

 

I know I can't repair my hymen if broken because that costs about 3000 or 4000 pounds, but to bleed, would I bleed? at least it would be something for him, even though he says it's okay, but I want it for him,

 

I know he says it is okay, but I don't feel fully oaky about it, I feel unequal,

how should I think or go about this???

and do you think I would bleed or not?? after the conditions I described in the first paragraph

 

Thank you

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Well not every woman has bleeding their first time because quite often they have lost their hymen YEARS before losing their virginity.

 

Really he will be your first proper experience of love making and sex

 

You may not be 'technically' a virgin but that doesn't make you a bad person or any 'less' than these other girls.

 

All I can tell you is that I was with a guy, we tried to have sex, I bled and then we broke up.

 

When I met my next boyfriend the first 4-5 times we had sex I had some bleeding until I got used to sex.

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I know probably my hymen is broken, or could it not be?
Does our religion find it okay for you to see a doctor about such matters? If it does, go see one because he/she will be able to tell you if your hymen was broken during your encounter.

 

Did you have bleeding during that five min. encounter? If you did, then yes your hymen is likely a thing of the past.

 

and if his parents ask for the bed sheet
Then give them your whole laundry basket and ask for light starch.
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Okay, that is a good plan,

 

yes, I am starting to follow and believe in his religion, not by force, from seeing it and knowing about it, I am starting to believe it, so I have stopped all things that go against it

 

but it is just one little membrane the hymen, I can't get back though ...

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Okay, that is a good plan,

 

yes, I am starting to follow and believe in his religion, not by force, from seeing it and knowing about it, I am starting to believe it, so I have stopped all things that go against it

 

but it is just one little membrane the hymen, I can't get back though ... That's if you've actually lost it. Anyway, I don't think it's the bleed that counts, it's the fact that you've actually remained chaste. The bleed is just to prove that you have been.

 

Go to your doctor. BTW: You have nothing but your own trust of your bf that he won't hold this against you once he starts thinking about it so don't marry him anytime soon so you can make sure he's sure that he doesn't care.

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Well tdoubtsas no blood the first time had sex or ever. I was 24 my first time. Still was uncomfortable and not really enjoyable.

I personally would have a huge problem if someone judged me for not being a virgin. I bet he isn't.

And honesty if you Have doubts about him seriously being bothered by you not being a virgin I would maybe ponder about this relationship

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yes I understand that, but the bleeding would make the parents okay and cause no trouble if they were to ask,

 

very true, I never thought of that, he may rethink differently about the situation...

 

Um, can't he just lie and say you bled would that really make any difference. Also couldn't you like fake the bleeding or something? And by that i don't mean like cut yourself but maybe if you had sex on your period or something crazy like that (just an idea).

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Um, can't he just lie and say you bled would that really make any difference. Also couldn't you like fake the bleeding or something? And by that i don't mean like cut yourself but maybe if you had sex on your period or something crazy like that (just an idea).

 

But why should she fake anything that is just being deceitful in order to make herself look 'equal' to her partner. I don't want to go into it because its religious but she shouldnt have to fake anything to please her man or his family.

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But why should she fake anything that is just being deceitful in order to make herself look 'equal' to her partner. I don't want to go into it because its religious but she shouldnt have to fake anything to please her man or his family.

 

She's not going to fake to please her man or his family. He's going to fake to please his family, not her.

 

she shouldnt have to fake anything to please her man or his family.
Yes she should have to if that's what it takes to be accepted. Either she is of or she is not of when it comes to the dogma which isn't going to change anytime soon until there are many wars and laws passed that are against such antiquated practices as proving virginity was lost after marriage. Anyway, he's the one that suggested that if she doesn't bleed that they fake it... not her.
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I read your other thread and I thought you were going to leave due to this sort of controlling and abusive behaviour from him?

 

If he is muslim, and you are not - then are you expected by him and his parents to convert to Islam? If not then taking part in this religious tradition is something you should be able to say no to - it is very personal and intrusive for those who are not of the faith and having his parents have that sort of control over your relationship when you are not comfortable with that is not going to get better.

 

It should also be noted that scientifically, it is common for hymens to be "broken" during all sorts of activities, not just sexual, as they are very easily torn. It may be traditional to keep the bedsheets, but I know a lot of families of that religion that take note that this may not always happen and therefore a sort of "faked" ceremony bed sheet is handed over instead. If he is willing to divorce you if you don't bleed during your first time together - plus the other extreme issues you have with him, then you need to leave this relationship. All of it together is dragging you down and degrading you to the point that you are not even worthy for not being a virgin. With everything happening in this relationship, you are a mere few steps away from being an object to own - this is serious.

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If this is the same boyfriend who is controlling your every move, then this is even more of a reason to leave him.

 

I did not bleed my first time and many women in this day and age do not. There are numerous reasons for a hymen to break that have nothing to do with your virginity - such as using a tampon.

 

You should not be made to feel lower or lesser because you chose to have sex with someone before you got married. If that was YOUR own belief then that would be one thing - but he is imposing is own views on sex and religion on you and demanding you feel bad for a past you can't change (and shouldn't have to).

 

You need to get out. NOW.

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