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Bisexual boyfriend gone gay?


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Hi,

Me(girl) and my boyfriend Andy have been together for 9 months. It started as really good friends. After a year of a great friendship, we ended up together. Right before we started college. a month before he was leaving town to move, he asked me if I wanted to go with him, and it all ended up with us both attending the same classes, and living together.

 

Now, I knew when we got together that he was bisexual, and that he'd been with a guy before over a period of time. He told me that this was just for the sex and the thrill of it, there was nothing emotionally. I had a hard time figuring out my stand in this relationship, since there was for me: something completely new.

 

After 9 months together he told me that he wasn't sure if he was bisexual or gay. and he didn't know if this was working for him. I took it calmly because I knew that it took alot from him to confess this to me. But after talking a little he told me that he wants me, and that he wants to try again. But after he told me I started seeing things I didn't before - in another way:

 

He has a folder on his computer with only gay porn, there's no picture at all of any girls. He's been a member of this online gay-dating site, and have been chatting with men, sendind them pictures of his penis. One day I "caught" him going through a number of twitter profiles with naked men showing off. He's been saying that it's only sexual attraction, a bad habit? and going through his computer history I found numbers of gay porn videos. None "straight".

 

I guess I'm trying to understand, like I want him to be happy, that's really all I want. and i'm so happy with him, but now after three weeks of no sex, he draws back after kissing me, what used to be every day things we did like shower together, or having sex is something he's avoiding. please, what do I do?!

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Maybe he still loves you but is not IN love with you? He may be afraid of losing you as a friend, after all that timehe is going to need someone by his side for him to deal with the exploration of his sexuality. You may be the person closest to him and he needs your support. Let him know that even if you do break up, you will always stand by him and be his support.

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Are you a first serious relationship for him? I mean one with the girl.

 

I personally would break-up with him because

-he has profiles on dating sites (no matter if they are for gay men or for straight men)

-he sends pictures of his penis to people (again - doesn't matter if these people are men or women)

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Agree with lerenard. Whether he is gay or not - he is cheating on you.

To explain the porn, perhaps he is just exploring that side of him a little more. But it shouldn't be reassurance to you that he might not be completely gay. He is unable to be monogamous with you - that is what is important. Chatting to other men in a sexual way is cheating emotionally - he is not ready to be in a relationship with anybody.

I have a feeling that if he got himself a boyfriend in the future he would have all straight porn on his computer and would be chatting up women online. He just sounds like he needs to explore himself sexually and the relationship is stopping him from doing that.

Take sexuality out of the mix here. It shouldn't be about whether or not he is gay. It should be about whether or not he is being faithful, and he isn't. Leave him.

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He is faithful, maybe I miswrote it, he had profiles- now I don't know..

 

If someone is in a relationship, but also on a dating site (i am not talking about met on a dating site, and he didn't take the profile down until you guys were exclusive - that's different.) But secretly active on a dating site - nope!

 

I know you don't want to see the writing on the wall - but looking at pictures might be one thing - but soliciting is another. How would you feel if your boyfriend was on dating sites that were for finding women? Would you leave in a jiffy? I think that you are either in denial, or that you are trying to do the pc thing and trying to be "okay' with his bisexuality and not honoring your feelings. This guy is not relationship material for you.

 

He has not "gone gay" - he was always gay or more so he is bi but has a stronger preference for men. He cares for you and is trying to do it in a way where he can still keep you.

 

This guy is cheating on you. He might have not actually had sex with anyone, but actively looking for someone and communicating is either cheating or setting one's self up to cheat.

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If you think that chatting up others and keeping it up on a dating website is faithful then, by all means, continue. However I think you just assume that supporting this shows you are supportive of his bisexuality and therefore you have to put up with it. You don't. Bisexuals do not have this strange urge to cheat on their partners with the same/opposite sex just because of their sexuality and I'm tired of saying that on here. In fact, bisexuality should have nothing to do with a relationship between two people - if you love each other then who cares who is what gender.

The fact is, he is chatting up other people online, and sending them private pictures that, if he were being faithful, he would not send.

 

If you think that just because it is other men, then it isn't important then you are wrong. Bisexuals are attracted to both sexes therefore him chatting with other men is just as serious as if he were chatting with other women. Think about that, this is serious - he is not being faithful

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You are his first, and he isn't sure if he wants to stay with a girl. You think about him as your future, he thinks you are there before he finds something better a.k.a somebody who will be a bigger turn on for him. And then he will be sorry, telling you how you knew he was still exploring his sexuality and jada jada. If he is gay or bi or whatever - doesn't matter. What matters is that he doesn't think about you as his one and only.

 

You can stay in denial as long as you want, but it seems to me that some day he will go and physically cheat on you. With guy, probably, because that is what he is missing now. I agree with CeeLambrini that if he got himself a boyfriend in the future he would have all straight porn on his computer and would be chatting up women online.

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the thing is, he's never cheated on me, and he was indeed chatting up with men - but that was before we got involved. the only thing he did while we were together was porn and twitter profiles. now, I don't want to be cheated on, he would never do that. I've been cheated on before and he was so angry I was afraid he would break my ex. I'm just worried that I'm using all my energy and time on something that will go bad in matter of weeks or months. I want to like, set him free, say that he can do what he wants and that we still can be friends. but yes, I'm hoping that he will stay with me. Not just because he may love me, but also because we built a home together, we moved hundreds of miles away from home, and I'm his only good friend here..

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You moved way too fast with him before you really knew who you were getting involved with. You cannot use those bad decisions as an excuse not to see the current situation clearly. It seem obvious that he is really into men. You could just be a temporary harbor and comfort zone while he comes to terms with his sexual orientation. This is something he should be doing alone and not while he is moved in with a woman who he pretends is his girlfriend and love of his life. You need to stop worrying about him and look at what is best for you.

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