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Advice: in love with a friend


ddolce85

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I am a male student and have been friends with a girl I know from my studies for a while now. After just hanging out in groups, working on projects, all was fun and even though we had a good connection (same type of humor, interests, etc.), I never acted upon it until we got back in contact about 6 months ago (we were both abroad for a semester).

After that, I initiated to meet up, which she thought was a good idea. It was the first time we ever spent time just 1 on 1 in a bar but it was really fun and I did not have any other motives than seeing my friend again. But after that, we made more plans to do stuff together (we had dinner at my place, went to a bar two more times) and every “date” made me fall in love with her more. I didn’t do anything about it because for me, the transition from friend to girlfriend felt a bit awkward.

But now I can’t get her out of my head. Everytime we meet, we have a great time and she laughs a lot, stares in my eyes and even plays with her hair. When she went to Paris with her friends, she sent me pictures of Paris but also pictures of herself (without true Paris scenery in the background) at 1 AM local time. So all of these signs gave me the courage to confess her how I feel.

Yesterday we had planned to have dinner at her place. But just before dinner she said her roommate would also eat dinner with us and if I would mind that. Ofcourse, I wanted to spend time alone with her, but didn’t want to act like a jerk so said I wouldn’t mind. We had a lovely evening, but her friend stayed at the table the entire night. Also, my friend told me that she had a date that went awful the week before, which I didn’t know.

Now I feel confused and depressed. Before yesterday I was pumped up to tell her how I feel but the fact that I couldn’t talk to her privately and her remark that she had a date makes me feel sick. I am now unsure whether see sees me only as a friend, or doesn’t think I’m interested in her or tests me in a kind of way.

In cases like this I’m a real overthinker, so can you please advice what I should do?

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You should do exactly what you planned on doing before you found out her roommate would eat with you. Tell her how you feel. So what if she had a date last week? She has no idea you're interested in her. Was she supposed to wait around for you? People do date even if they like someone, you know.

Talk to her and do it fast. Before she gets involved with someone else and then it will be too late. After all, if she only sees you as a friend, it's better for you to know so you can move on.

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Hello there man,

 

I only have one piece of advice for you, be straight and clear to her about your feelings towards her.

Talk to her, dont just sit there thinking of what has happened and making unreal hypothesis.

 

Chances for you are 50/50. Its is not rocket science Arrange a dinner or something, just the 2 of you, and open up to her.

It may be though for some people to do so, but it is as simple as it can get.

 

Good luck!

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If she's dating other men she's not interested in you.

 

The minute you want more than friendship with a friend ask them out. It may end the friendship but that is better than getting in way over your head. As you are undoubtedly discovering. Hanging around and falling deeper with a friend is just self cruelty.

 

If you don't want to keep getting stuck in the friend zone guys, stop acting like friends when you want more. Ask them out. It might break things, but that's life. No risk, no glory.

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If she's dating other men she's not interested in you.

 

When I was in college and crazy in love with a friend of mine (long story but we ended up together, eventually) I still dated around. I had no idea he liked me 'in that way'.

Maybe this is the case with this girl, too.

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"If she's dating other men she's not interested in you."

 

This could not be more wrong.

 

1) the OP and this young lady are not in an exclusive relationship.

 

2) the OP has not even officially gone in a date yet,

 

3) the OP has not made his intentions known. The girl may very well think she is being "friend zoned."

 

Why do you expect this young lady to turn down other dates?

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It doesn't show she isn't interested in you, it just shows that she's not going to wait around for you. I'm not going to enforce a double standard here and say you have to make the first move, but in my opinion she has already left plenty of hints (that have gone unreciprocated) telling you that she is, in fact interested. The fact that you've left it so long out of fear will simply show her that you're not confident enough to be with her. I agree that this so called friendzone is a load of rubbish. If you're willing to just be their friend then that's what you will be. No one is putting you there but yourself. A girl is either interested, or not - and if she is not - hanging around in this "friendzone" hoping she will somehow change her mind is on you.

Tell her how you feel, ddolce85, if she returns your feelings then you can move on from there with her. If she tells you she isn't interested and only see's you as a friend then leave her be until your feelings for her are gone.

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"If she's dating other men she's not interested in you."

 

This could not be more wrong.

 

1) the OP and this young lady are not in an exclusive relationship.

 

2) the OP has not even officially gone in a date yet,

 

3) the OP has not made his intentions known. The girl may very well think she is being "friend zoned."

 

Why do you expect this young lady to turn down other dates?

 

You're absolutely right.

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