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Is my ex trying to be more than friends?


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I've recently had two exes get in contact with me recently, this is not the one my other recent thread is about (for those who read that thread)

 

This is another ex of mine. She was depressed and had a lot of stuff going on when she broke up with me. I respected her a lot when we were dating, she had a strong work ethic and was helping support family members of hers that were deadbeats. She was also not from a nice area and worked hard to get into a good nursing program so she could make something of her life, while her childhood friends mostly became dropouts and drug addicts.

 

Anyway, like I said she was depressed and started acting really flakey and we had kind of not a good breakup. This was back in early June last year. We only dated "officially" for 2 months, although we hung out total maybe 4 months, so it wasn't really long term. Our no contact started by her ignoring me right after she hinted she wanted to get back together after we had a couple week post breakup awkward period where she called me everyday but we never hung out. We went no contact from end of June until around late August when she texted me once to see how I was doing, we had a brief back and forth one night and it was over, only lasted one day and we didn't contact each other after that. I tried catching up again in October and she didn't respond. I actually deleted her phone # at that point.

 

About three weeks ago she texted me. I didn't even recognize the number and had to ask who it was. We chatted briefly. She then called me the next night and wanted to catch up, we talked on the phone for maybe an hour and it was all just catching up type stuff. So I went to her fb and sent her a friend request and she accepted. I noticed she had a boyfriend, who she had been dating since at least last July. We didn't talk much after that phone call for the next week, she called me again about a week ago and she talked about her boyfriend during our talk, and again our conversation was nothing but friendly. The last 4-5 days she has started an almost daily contact with me, including messages on fb, texting, and she asked me to call her two nights ago and I didn't. She told me to all her again today, so I did and one of the first things she asked me was why couldn't I call her the other night.

 

So I thought she was trying to just be friends with me. I thought that was kind of odd, because we met on an online dating site and we were never just friends. And why contact me nearly 8 months after we broke up to attempt to become friends? But then the end of our conversation today, things started changing. She told me her current boyfriend is really critical of her, which bugs her. She also told that he doesn't get sarcasm, and that she has to explain her jokes to him, unlike me who got her sense of humor. She then asks me what I was doing tomorrow. She then suggested we meet to get a drink somewhere near my work after I get off of work.

 

I mean she hasn't really been flirty at all, like we have normal friendly conversations, but I thought it was weird she was complaining about her boyfriend to me, and then suggested we hang out.

 

Her intentions aren't good are they? Or am I reading this wrong? Nothing good can come of me hanging out with her again can it?

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Oh I forgot to mention she told me that her boyfriend MIGHT get assigned to Texas for his job (opposite side of the country than where we are) so I said to her something like "so you are going to have to get a cowboy hat?" and she made a comment like "hell no" she wasn't going to move down to Texas with him, because she worked so hard to get in the nursing school here and wasn't going to leave.

 

So she is keeping me around in case he gets transferred right?

 

I've never been "friends" with an ex before, or am I being too cynical and maybe she just wants to be friends? Do girls talk about guy problems with their exes who they are friends with?

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Her intentions aren't good are they? Or am I reading this wrong? Nothing good can come of me hanging out with her again can it?

 

NO...NO...and NO.

 

Have you heard the expression, "if they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you?" Having said that, you would be walking into this scenario with your eyes wide open, knowing she has a boyfriend, as well as knowing of the potential consequences.

 

How would you feel if you were in her boyfriends shoes? What does this tell you about her character? Either way, I hope you'll consider making the right choices.

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Im not asking because I want her back, I am asking because I thought she was being friendly and now I am thinking it is something more and starting to think going and hanging out with her tomorrow is not a good idea. I really don't want to be involved with someone who is in a relationship, that is a huge no in my book.

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For a while I really thought she was just trying to be friends with me, which given my respect for her and the amount of time it had been since we dated I thought it might actually work and was considering it. I also don't have basically any female "friends". But as time goes on I think she wants more than friendship.

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Well our meeting for today is now off, which is for the better. I was getting uncomfortable about it anyway. She kind of told me she was thinking of going into work now today instead because she needed money and I told her basically she should. She told me we'd hang out next week instead. At least buys me time to figure out her intentions or possibly just bail on the situation entirely.

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Yea this has gotten really weird lately. She is fun to talk to and I was going to give it a try as friends but her behavior is getting weird so I am about to bail on the situation.

 

She has started calling me all the time. Sometimes twice a day, the convos have been generally just friendly, but lately she has started complaining about her BF a lot to me. Then it got real weird, she said she has an okcupid profile again and he is mad that she has one, but she said she tells him if he wasnt so mean she wouldnt need one. She then said he uses her tablet and sends people FB messages and messages on okcupid pretending he is her. I don't know, it is getting weird. I am starting to think she is trying to line me up in case her and her bf breakup so she has someone ready, and I don't like that one bit.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well you guys were right, she has been real friendly with me and was actually there for me when I had a real rough day and called and checked in on me to make sure I was ok. But the last few days I am convinced her intentions are more than friendly. She has told me all these things in the last two days.

 

- That her bf checks her phone records and sees that she is talking to me a lot and that he isn't really happy about it but she doesn't care

- That she seems to have a problem dating guys she feels sorry for and wants to help, and she is realizing that is not good. She then told me that I was the only "normal" guy she really dated and I had my crap together way more than any of her boyfriends, including the guy she is dating now.

- She told me I am literally the nicest guy she ever met, and she can't believe that anyone would do something to hurt me

- She told me that she thinks I would be like the best dad ever when I had kids

- She told me I was better looking than her boyfriend

- She told me at one point she didn't know why she broke up with me.

 

But despite all that she doesn't seem to be breaking up with her boyfriend....so I am thinking I should probably stop answering when she calls while she is still dating him, because it makes me kind of uncomfortable knowing that he knows about it and doesn't like it, and now knowing that she is saying stuff like that...

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