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Feeling down about my body...


Fudgie

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I have lost a lot of weight recently (40-50 lb range, not time for my weigh-in yet!) and am still losing. I used to be over 300 lb and not so healthy but I am a lot healthier now and I'm excited to get down to my goal weight someday. I have a ways to go but I will get there.

 

But I am not happy with my body right now. I am saggy. Loose skin from weight loss! And since I'm not even near my goal weight, I know much much more skin will become excess. Luckily my face is fine - my face looks great and I actually look younger in that regard since I've lost weight and you can see my high cheekbones. It's the rest of me.

 

The breasts are the worst. They are still big but they are so saggy and sad looking. They "look" at the floor if I do not wear a bra. I wear a bra (a good one too) all the time. I lost some mass in them including the "shelf" they used to sit on. They remind me of old lady boobs. I get very sad when I see my body in the mirror. I lost the MOST weight in my stomach (which contained most of my excess weight) so now I have a saggy lower belly part which is just loose skin.

 

My arms are getting a bit saggy too.

 

I hate how loose skin feels.

 

I see now that exercise can only do so much to tone up and I know I will have even more excess skin on the way, so I will NEED surgery for sure. A breast lift, a tummy tuck, etc. I can't even think about it right now, not to mention how expensive it would be, so I would have to wait to have it done until I could afford, that's a long time.

 

 

I never thought seeing myself in a mirror would be an effective sex-appeal killer! I get so grossed out just looking at it. I don't like to be in the nude anymore. I feel great in new, form fitting clothes but not when they are off.

 

I apply lotion to my skin every night and all the while, I just think "ew ew ew".

 

I am determined to lose more weight to get to my goal weight but just find it horribly ironic that losing weight has made me feel more disgusted with myself, not better.

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This is unfortunately one of the risks with losing weight. But as hard as it is you need to look on the positive side, you are a lot healthier now and your body will be feeling a lot better. It is a good idea to only focus on one thing at a time otherwise you will stress yourself out and feel worse. So for now I would focus on losing more weight (good job by the way) and then when you are feeling more comfortable in that aspect you can look into the costs of surgery to remove the excess skin if it bothers you.

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Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my weight loss but I am definitely struggling with this new, saggy body. I am trying to see the positive but it is so hard sometimes especially when I look in the mirror in the bathroom or when I see my body.

 

I feel bad venting about this sometimes because I know many overweight people who would LOVE to have lost as much as me and all of that, but I can't help how I feel.

 

I definitely don't wish to be as fat as I once was but I really hate this new skin. And it will be years before I can get it removed.

 

It seems like such a silly thing to fuss over but it is really, really bothering me.

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At your age, I would wait a while before I decided on something drastic like surgery. If you reach the weight you want and keep exercising and taking care of yourself, your body will 'recover'..... if not totally, a big part of it will. Until then, hold your head high and feel proud of yourself. No matter how many issues you may have with that skin right now, don't forget that you look much better than before...and you'll look even better!

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Don't feel bad that it's bothering you. It's not like you are complaining about losing the weight. Loose skin is often an unfortunate side effect of major weight loss, and I think most people facing it are bothered by it. Just enjoy yourself in the new clothes for now-- the skin will be taken care of eventually, either naturally or with the help of surgery.

 

Congrats on the weight loss!

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It's not silly at all.

 

Wondering: are you part of any group or speak with any other women who are or who have gone through what you are going through?? I bet a lot of people can relate. And maybe they would be a good source of support and encouragement and ideas, too.

 

Besides that though, even though I haven't gone through the experiences you have, I think we all have moments where we look at ourselves and something makes us go "uhh no. I don't like that."

 

What I try to do is find the beauty in that body part, or aspect that bothers me. Something I like about it. My breasts are out of proportion to the rest of my body. Sometimes that bothers me. BUT. There are other positive things about them which I do like. So I try to redirect to that, and to emphasize that.

 

Sorry if this isn't much help. I hear you, and I know it can not always be easy to fully accept ourselves - even when we are making great strides and taking really good care of ourselves. In a way, maybe it's a little more acute when you ARE doing all the right things - because, you know you doing all you can do, this is it, for now. this is what you have to work with. It's somewhat more stark, because there is no "but if I was doing this, it would be better, so it's kinda my fault'. Does this make sense ? There is full responsibility for accepting it.

 

I knw you will do it. It takes time. You are having a lot of adjustment to work through, and change. Hope you feel more positive soon.

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I'm looking to lose about 150 lb overall over the course of the next few years. So I'm about a 1/3 of the way there. My doctor thinks I will need surgery. I thought initially that I wouldn't need surgery but it seems more apparent that I will be needing surgery.

 

I can take a big handful of it, more than a handful really. I have lost all of my feeling in my lower belly due to a medical procedure I had so that makes it seem even weirder, like it's not a part of me because when I touch it, I can't feel it.

 

I do go to a support group but I am the youngest there. Most ended up needing surgery or they don't care about their loose skin at all because they are older and married and are just happy to be healthy again. The ones who got surgery look great, like "normal" people.

 

I think part of my dismay is that I'm like "I can't believe I got so fat that I stretched my skin out and now I'm in my early 20s and feel like a saggy bag". Like it's kind of my fault, you know?

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Way to go Fudgie! I am cheering you on. I think given your age and provided you aren't losing at a drastically fast rate that much of what you see will correct itself in the coming months. Loose skin does shrink back, particularly when you're younger. Otherwise every woman who's ever had a kid would be walking around with a deflated pouch of skin or three on our stomachs and sagging breasts. I gained over 100 pounds with my oldest when I was in my early 20s and yes, I had loose skin after I had him and decided to shed the poundage I'd gained. I hung in there, because I had no choice really and focused on lifting weights and exercise as well as eating well. Six months later I looked better than I ever had in my life. Genetics and age do come into play as well, so keep in mind a 50-year-old woman whose been obese for over 3 decades is going to have skin that won't snap back so easily. And even there she may do just fine.

 

My advice is to keep losing, but make sure to build up muscle mass through exercise and stay healthy with the eating. Consult with a doctor if it really worries you, but right now I think you'e doing fine and your body will adjust to this new healthier you.

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I think part of my dismay is that I'm like "I can't believe I got so fat that I stretched my skin out and now I'm in my early 20s and feel like a saggy bag". Like it's kind of my fault, you know?

 

That makes sense. Though....

 

from the outside, I just want to give you a big hug!!

 

Fault?! No. I wouldn't use that word.

 

To be so young, and to have gotten to that size, there must have been things going on for a long time for you. When you were a kid, and growing up, that led to all that weight gain.

 

So honestly, I just want to hug you. It takes so much courage to face it all and take responsibility for your health - and you are.

 

I actually think you feeling that way is a good sign....a sign of awareness of yourself, your body, and how precious it all is. You are.

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It is the sad reality of losing weight, I know exactly what you mean. I lost about 45lbs when I was 19 and did no exercise, I didn't know back then, I had gained it from 14-19 years old, almost 50 lbs. So yes, my skin is saggy. And there's not much I can do about it. And yes it does make me paranoid sometimes but many guys just don't care and just think you're soft. It's better being slimmer than big. And occassionally I am reminded of the pain of it all and I see the stretchmarks as scars of how much I learnt from that awful time I was overweight, what made me overweight and how I changed it around. How it made me compassionate to others. Still sucks though at times I won't lie, when I wonder how I am gonna look at 60..lol

 

Actually one of my best friends is very overweight but prefers at the moment that to being saggy. She had lost most weight and put it back on but not sure she cares to lose it now because she hated the stretchmarks being pronounced and everything being loose.

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In college I lost about 40 lbs and went through a baggy-feeling phase. It was heart breaking, but very, very common. I'm definitely still saggier than women my age/weight/body range who never lost that kind of weight before, but given enough time I have stabilized in both my weight and my feelings.

 

Here is an art project by a photographer chronicling her feelings about her major weight loss while young. It helps me to relate to pieces like this: link removed

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Fudgie, I just wanted to say that I completely understand how you feel. I have a close friend who lost a LOT of weight (actually, he had his stomach stapled), very quickly. He is dealing with the saggy skin now. Overall, he looks a lot better and he is healthier, but I know he also has his own issues with the saggy skin much like you are.

 

Hang in there...you have done the best thing you can for yourself. And there ARE things you can do about the saggy skin if it continues to bother you. Congrats on the weight loss, though!

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Surely you can't be so surprised by this given your knowledge of the medical field, Fudgie? Did your surgeon not explain that with such extreme and fast weigh loss this would happen? Unfortunately this is common with the type of surgery you had, changes include excess or saggy skin and loss of muscle mass. In general the more weight that you lose, the more excess or saggy skin that you have. It's such a drastic change in a very short amount of time. Sadly without losing slowly and without a good exercise regime what you're experiencing is inevitable doesn't matter how much lotion you may put on.

There is nothing you can do that change that now, and as much as I hate to say it, this is something you will have to accept as a side affect of weight-loss surgery. From what I've read and the documentaries I have watched people usually need surgery again for skin removal/body sculpting/breast implants and so on.

 

I see now that exercise can only do so much to tone up and I know I will have even more excess skin on the way, so I will NEED surgery for sure.

 

 

This is the result of weight-loss surgery not just losing weight in general. People that lose a lot of weight over a longer period of time are able to retain some elasticity and prevent such harsh skin sagging that results from surgery. One of my coworkers lost quite a lot of weight and because she did it over a longer period of time with diet and exercise she was able to retain elasticity, build muscle and did not have a lot of saggy skin despite her size. She does have some excess skin but not too much. I don't want to turn this into a debate and really not to be offensive, but I think it's unjust to say exercise only does so much because exercise and a good diet work well in helping lose weight naturally and gradually, but it certainly is harder and takes a lot longer.

 

So in my humble opinion, exercise and diet can help reduce the amount of excess skin, (exercise that involves cardio, weights, etc) than having surgery and losing weight as a result of surgery.

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Thanks! I really hope as times goes on, it will be less but we will have see. I've been going to the gym ever since 1 week since my surgery. I now swim and walk briskly for miles and I hope I can get cleared soon for lifting weights!

And you're right, not every woman who has been pregnant has a saggy stomach and some get really, really big! Even my mom doesn't have a saggy stomach and she had twins.

 

I don't think I have lost muscle mass. At 2 weeks out of my surgery, I started to make sure that I would consume 55-60g of protein a day and I have been sticking to that. I was definitely worried about losing muscle so I am eating enough protein to stop that.

 

 

 

I definitely was a thin kid. I know what it's like to be thin. My weight gain didn't start until 12. And up until I was 14/15, I was only mildly overweight. Everything really began to snowball after that. I began to eat low carb around 18/19 but it didn't do very much to stop the gain even though it made me feel better and I have kept to that diet since. When I went into surgery, my A1C was 5.5 and I do contribute that to my diet. I really still feel like I wrecked my body in a very permanent way and that makes me sad. I tried many, many diets and I was active but nothing helped. I struggled a lot with constant hunger. This surgery has been the only thing has taken the hunger away from me.

 

 

 

I am pretty "soft" now, lol. I think many people get a little saggy (due to age) at 70+ so I am sure you will be fine.

I have many old stretchmarks too. I even have very, very, very old ones on my breasts that came not from weight gain, but puberty. You can't really see them but you can feel. I guess those don't ever really go away.

 

I'm sure everyone knows here the MAJOR issues with my boyfriend that I've been having. It's a tenuous situation. I don't really want to go into it here but y'all pretty much know what's going on.

Anyway, he says the sagging doesn't bother him but he keeps suggesting that I get a push-up bra because "maybe that would help". No, it wouldn't and I'd look silly.

 

He hates the scars on my stomach. I have 7 healing incisions on my stomach and I know they will fade with time but he hates them.

 

If I were to date new people in the future, well, I just don't know if I would/could for a very long time. It is not on my mind at all.

 

 

 

I didn't get my stomach stapled but I had most of it permanently removed so I understand how your friend feels. I know I look better now too, at least with clothes on.

 

I get a little overwhelmed thinking

 

 

 

Actually, petite, I was surprised. Yes, I knew there was a risk but I honestly didn't think it wouldn't happen to me OR that it would happen so early! Even my doctor was optimistic that I may not need surgery in the beginning. Not very many people my age undergo this sort of procedure. Most are mid 30s to 50s. So I was told "Well you are very young so you have a good chance at not having it happen."

 

To be honest, I am a little offended at what you said. Do you really think I sit on my bum and do nothing and the weight just falls off? No. I have been going to the gym multiple times a week for least an hour at a time ever since I was given the "okay" to and even before I was okay'd, I was walking a ton. I swim and walk briskly (not allowed to run yet) and I eat 700 calories a day that includes mostly lean protein with small amounts of fresh produce. I have given up all breads, pastas, and sweets. Actually, any liquid that has sugar in it makes my stomach feel bad.

 

If you watch more documentaries, you would see that actually a number of people fail to lose weight after surgery because they did not change their habits. They think "oh I can eat crap now just in small amounts". You cannot NOT exercise and eat well. Actually, doing so would make me very sick and I may need to go to the hospital. I already had to go back to the hospital after I got a stomach bug because I couldn't drink enough to replace my fluids like a normal person. If I don't eat right, go to the gym regularly, and drink tons of water, it affects me and my weight. So it's not just the surgery. The surgery enables me to fill fuller quicker (I did not have the bypass) but I still need to make good choices in order to be successful.

 

I think losing weight is hard regardless of the route you choose. Every route comes with different sorts of "hard". I feel very resentful when people imply that surgery is a piece of cake. It's not. Your friend (congrats to her for losing it on her own, btw) can kick back during the holidays and make a "bad" choice every once in a while. I have long given up the ability to do that. I've lost my hunger so unlike your friend who probably struggled to make sure that she stayed UNDER her allotted calories, I struggle to make sure that I stay AT my allotted calories and not way, way under. I can easily go all day without eating if I wanted to. I don't even like to go out to eat anymore because it's pointless and boring. I no longer cook or bake like I used to (other than making very simple dishes for myself), again, it's pointless. My social life is quite limited now. My boyfriend gets frustrated with me sometimes.

 

So yes, maybe I just need to accept it and that's what I'm trying to do. But I am allowed to be surprised when I genuinely believed (as well as my doctor) that if this were to happen, it wouldn't happen this early. Telling me to just accept it and that if I had done it naturally it wouldn't have happened doesn't help me feel better at all and nor is it constructive. I am still early 20s and feel like a hag bag and that's all I see in the mirror. What's done is done. Woulda, coulda, shoulda.

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As I said my intent was not to be offensive, but rather point out that these things are the result of such drastic weight loss in a very short amount of time due to surgery. Also, I never said nor implied that you did not or do not exercise - as I've said before the weight is dropping so quickly in a very short amount of time, way too fast for you to be able to catch up with muscle building and rigorous exercise to surpass or reduce the amount of loose skin, and that is the result of weight-loss associated with surgery, not weight-loss in general. I got the feeling you were trying to say that it was just due to weight-loss in general - when infact your situation is different. People don't naturally lose that amount of weight in such a short amount of time - and because of that slow process of weight loss with exercise and diet alone the body is able to sculpt and contour itself slowly.

You posted this tread and naturally you're allowed to be surprised, but then at the same time it is also surprising (to me at least) because this is such common knowledge these days with weight loss surgery that it shouldn't be that much of a shock. Because of your parents profession and yours I just thought this would be something that you'd perhaps already know and expect.

 

No one said that losing weight was super easy, but in my experience and those around me losing was much easier than maintaining. Neither you nor I know whether my coworker makes bad choices or not, but from the day she decided she wanted to make a change she really looked at it as a positive and did not stray (to everyone's surprise), just kept her mind on the prize - so far she has done wonderfully at keeping up with her diet and exercise. The fact that you can't make "bad" choices though isn't anyone elses choice (don't want to say fault) is because you're the one that decided to have surgery. Not everyone overeats during holidays - believe it or not there are people that eat healthy all year round without going overboard.

 

 

No one is saying you shouldn't have had the surgery, but I am going to presume you did enough research beforehand to know what to expect, even with your age and being told ""Well you are very young so you have a good chance at not having it happen." it still doesn't mean it wouldn't happen. I've honestly never heard of anyone losing weight after surgery and not having a large amount of excess skin.

 

And as much as you might hate it and loath it, this is something you now just have to deal with and in the future have surgery to remove that excess skin, if that is what you want.

 

As for your social life being limited, all I can say is that it doesn't have to revolve around eating or anything food related. The time you'd spend baking can be used to pursue a hobby or spending time with friends, you can also bake for your friends or your boyfriend, or alter recipes to suit your health needs. You can experiment a lot with food (you don't have to eat it, shower those around you with healthy food) to find a balance and look at the positives rather than concentrating on the loose skin. You're not done losing weight (right?) so being disappointed and upset about something that you cannot change will not do you any good, concentrate on the good and the positive changes you can make in life.

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I really didn't think this was going to happen to me, I didn't! I mean, I knew there was a risk but I didn't think it would happen.

 

It's not even all logical. Yes, I knew there was a risk. It's different when you have all that crappy skin on you. No amount of "well you KNEW there was a risk" makes you feel better or takes away from the utter shock and disgust. I literally woke up one day and looked myself in the mirror and SAW it. It wasn't a slow gradual realization. I had avoided mirrors for a while.

 

And honestly, I'm not losing weight THAT fast compared to some who have had surgery. I'm happy with my rate of weight loss but there are many more than me who have lost a lot more in the same time frame. They usually started at a higher weight though.

 

And also, while I know what saggy skin looks like on *other* people, I never really pictured it on myself and it's much more gross than I ever thought before, so that's another whammy.

 

I have seen people who didn't have the saggy skin like I have after surgery and I know of one woman who has lost 100 lb on her own and needed surgery for skin. So it's not just surgery. It's very dependent on how much you lose, plus the rate, plus how much you lose. Obviously more common for surgery patients becuase they lose weight more quickly.

 

 

 

All I really have though, positively speaking, is the weight loss. That's the only real pro of this surgery and it's big enough that it makes it worth it but there are definitely some serious cons. Loss of social life, saggy skin, loss of dating life, etc. my boyfriend have been together for a long time and live together so we don't "date". If I were single, I would not date.

 

I don't want to cook anymore, not for myself, not for my boyfriend, not for other people. It's no longer fun. and it costs $$$. My boyfriend cooks for himself now. It's not like other people who want to eat big meals and can't so they live vicariously through others. I honestly think that's a little weird and I never wanted to be that person who would make food for others just because I can't eat it. What's the point of cooking if you don't want to eat? I have lost the desire completely. Drives my boyfriend crazy but I don't know what to do. I just bake plain chicken or fish and have leftovers for days.

 

I haven't seen any of my friends since I've had surgery. It's been months without any social outings for me. They do like to go to restaurants and bars but I don't want to go so I just stay home or go to the gym. I spend my weekends in the gym. I feel very isolated. My boyfriend goes out with his friends and I used to go out with them but now I just stay home so I can go to bed at my usual time (10pm) and eat what I want and go to the gym when I want.

 

I don't really know what to do though. I guess maybe the social issue is bigger than the saggy issue. I don't feel like I am able to go out anymore. I know this inhibits my ability to meet other people. I have definitely gotten closer with my family since surgery so I can fill that "social" need with people who aren't going to ask me to go out to a restaurant or a bar.

 

But yeah, I guess I should stop lamenting. I'm definitely more isolated now but I'd rather be isolated than be fat and on the verge of death, that's for sure.

 

I have about 100 lb left to lose. I will lose it. I am not that worried about it at this point because I know I am doing the right things.

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It seems to me that you're looking more at the negatives than positives that have come from this surgery and the associated weight-loss. Perhaps this is a good tie to think about your life and what you want in terms of relationship with your boyfriend, friendships, hobbies and work towards that.

People who enjoy cooking/baking for the sole purpose of cooking and making delicious meals don't do it because they can't or don't want to eat the food themselves. Most people don't usually live vicariously though others when it comes to food, and I think this might just be your own perception.(Unless you're talking specifically about people who've had this surgery.)

 

If you want to go out with your friends, then find other things to do that doesn't involve eating at a restaurant. they are your friends, food isn't the only thing that connects you guys, right? And if at times you are invited out, can you not order something at a restaurant that you're able to eat even if it's a small salad? If you ask politely to have a small salad made usually many restaurants will honor that, especially if you say it is because of health reasons.

 

You say you spend your weekends at the gym. Do you spend all day at the guy or just a few hours? There are plenty of hours in the day on the weekend to make a plan to have coffee with a friend. You don't have to have coffee, you can just have water but at least you're seeing friends, interacting and not isolated and alone.

 

I do think this isn't all just about the loose skin, although that is bound to make anyone kinda upset, but going by your past posts, Fudgie, it always appeared you were confident and you made it clear that you never cared much about looks so I do think it's not just about the external changes you're experiencing.

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I guess I am struggling now because I didn't know things would change so much after this. I am not used to getting compliments, I don't see my friends, and my diet is very limited. Lean protein (baked) and some cooked veggies, little bit of fresh fruit a day. I eat Greek yogurt once a day. And that's it.

 

I do struggle going out. I am not able to eat salads. I know that's sort of the "go to" healthy food but I can't eat them anymore. Too bulky and not enough protein. And most protein options are loaded with fat or carbs so they would make my stomach feel bad. So that's why I decline. I have thrown up in public before so I am very scared of that happening again.

 

I do spend all weekend at the gym when I can, although not vigorously exercising the whole time. See, my gym has a pool. Very open gym hours in the early afternoon extending into the evening on Sat and Sun. What I do is I go to the gym and bring my swimsuit. I'll swim strenuously, in laps, for about an hour. This poops me out. So then I go to the "water walk" part of the floor which is pretty much free for whatever and I'll tread water or just float. I'll listen to the radio playing in the pool area and just stare off into space with my own thoughts for a long time. Then I'll back into a lap lane and swim for another chunk of time until I get tired. Then the process repeats. I've spent hours upon hours in the pool area by myself, weekend after weekend. My boyfriend has his band and goes out with his friends during this time.

 

You are right, petite, I am not someone who really cares about looks. I have said that before and it is still true now. I still don't wear make up or put any real amount of effort into my appearance since losing weight. I am wearing more form fitting clothes but that's it. I am frustrated with a lot of things right now. I'm isolated. I'm saggy. I'm very much alone. I had a vision of how my body "might" look. Not for others, but for myself. It didn't involve me being a hag bag. I had a vision of what life would be after surgery and changing my lifestyle. It didn't involve me being isolated, hating compliments, not knowing how to deal with new attention, contributing to the eventual dissolution of my relationship (which I assumed would happen due to HIS issues, not my own weight issues), and me having to "remind" myself to eat every day.

 

I am struggling because my vision/expectation for myself did not match up to reality.

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I see now that weight loss, while ultimately worth it because it DRASTICALLY decreases your risks of cancer, diabetes, and early death, does come with its own cons at time. I was naive to believe that it wouldn't happen to m.e

 

I also see now why many people feel suicidal after undergoing this sort of surgery. I am not suicidal or anything, don't worry, just sad. But life changes so much. I get it now. I don't get any real pleasure from food and it's still jarring to get used to that. Think of a dessert you like and how you liked eating it. I used to feel that way. Now I don't. With anything.

 

So I guess the bigger issue isn't me being a hag bag. It's me still trying to get used to a new life when I feel like no one really "gets" it, not even my boyfriend. I'd gladly be 10x baggier and be SWIMMING in my skin if it meant that I could stop feeling this way, so different. You are right, it's not really about the skin.

 

It's about everything.

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I saw/heard about (don't remember!) an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where a woman who had lost a lot of weight sees herself in the mirror in her wedding dress and starts crying-- and not tears of joy. You are losing something-- perhaps an image of who you were. It's a part of you that you ultimately are better off without, but that doesn't mean it's abnormal to mourn that. I was sad (and cried) when I quit competing in track and field, even though the experience had become painful, anxiety-producing, and ultimately negative. I cried when I broke up with my college boyfriend, even though I knew I was better off without him and was, in fact, happier without him.

 

You are losing something that has been a part of your identity for a long time. Mourning it is okay. And the saggy skin just adds to that feeling and makes it worse.

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First of all congratulations on the weight you have lost. You sound like you are doing everything in your power to eat healthily and exercise and that is great.

 

I'm sorry your are struggling with the changes

 

I know it's not the same and you don't want children but I admit I struggle with my new body after having a baby, the whole mum stomach and saggier boobs. No amount of exercise or eating right will change those for me either so I know how you feel to some degree.

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Yes, Yes, Yes.

 

"Fat" used to be part of my identity. I could use it as a way to keep others at bay. I could use it as an excuse to make fun of other fat people. People would treat me differently and in a way, I liked it, because I liked having something to "prove". Now my fat is going away and I'm a hag bag and people, even my boss, come to me and say "Oh now that you are THINNER you can dress feminine and cut your hair and blah blah". And it just makes me want to put my head through the wall.

 

I don't know who this sag bag is in the mirror but I must press forth. I don't want to die young and with diabetes. This is the one thing that motivates me to go to the gym. I have seen many people die of obesity. I don't want it to be me.

 

It's so hard, so damn hard.

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It didn't involve me being isolated, hating compliments, not knowing how to deal with new attention, contributing to the eventual dissolution of my relationship (which I assumed would happen due to HIS issues, not my own weight issues), and me having to "remind" myself to eat every day.

 

I'm not sure what the latest is with your boyfriend (sorry if I missed a beat if there was an update), but the loss of the relationship is very much about HIS issues. Because of the dynamic between his issues, and your weight loss. Couples who are healthy in their relationship don't fall apart if one of them goes through weight loss, so weight loss is not the cause of the demise of this relationship.

 

And if you were to keep the weight on and keep your bf, the problems would continue -- just masked. They are just now more apparent and exposed. The relationship is toxic and it needs to end.

 

I'm sure there are practical reasons why you're not broken up yet (and others, but the practical ones are easier to blame/name)...but that's going to have to be a process of disentanglement that stands apart from the weight loss. Don't blame the weight loss.

 

Actually, isolation is a killer. Believe it or not, isolation is a cause of early mortality, if it becomes a way of life. I see isolation as AS unhealthy -- if not more -- than weight, because you're not connecting with people, and connection is why we are here. We are not here just to live longer.

 

Since you're going to be dealing with this skin for many years to come (though some are correct, your body may adjust a bit due to your age), you're going to need a plan to get out of this lifestyle you're now living. You say weight loss has meant the end of your social life -- well, you're going to be permanently (hopefully) at a lower weight and possibly with some of these effects of lifestyle change, around food and whatnot. So right now, you're setting yourself up for a permanent change in lifestyle that will be as bad for your overall health as excess weight, if you take the position that this is the price of weight loss.

 

I know it's an adjustment period, but you have to start thinking about how the "new you" should be interacting with the world, skin and all. Because these habits you're developing can start to stick fast. Once you start to isolate, it becomes hard to get out of that pattern -- and it becomes your "identity" the way the weight does. You just shift unhealthy self-perceptions. I also think your relationship with your boyfriend is contributing to this isolation. It's a perfect storm for you being reliant on him as your sole companion, which in turn makes you feel less fit to go out with others, because being with him doesn't bring you up and makes you feel like he's the only one who knows your new habits and patterns, so other people don't feel safe, and you just end up getting smaller and smaller and the world keeps getting smaller and smaller until all you have is the gym and the pool to keep you company and validate you.

 

So you need to start making definite plans to go out with friends to events where you can bring your own food, or eat a light snack, and just enjoy their company. If you can't talk with friends and enjoy their company without having either an obese body or a saggy-skin one, then maybe it's time to start thinking about what kinds of friendships you have, and where and how you'd like to cultivate new ones.

 

But you need to start being as proactive about this as losing weight, because it's every bit as insidious as gaining weight and becoming something/someone you don't want to be, and habits for life don't start "tomorrow." They start TODAY.

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I do agree that you need to make an effort to get out and see people-- for your own well-being. Why don't you see if there are any good water aerobics classes at your gym? Some of the deep water aerobics classes are a great workout. And classes are kind of low-key, I think. You can talk as much or as little as you like. Sometimes just being around people is enough.

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Congrats again on the weight loss. The positive side is losing so much weight will be healthy for you in the long run.

 

Maybe you might be able to get the tummy tuck and other skin reduction stuff covered if your doc can determine it to be a "medical necessity". You should ask the doc that did your surgery, or a plastic surgeon, if that is a possibility. That way you can get the surgery you need without having to wait to due to the high $$$.

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