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Healing and trying to move on


mellybj

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Here is my situation. It's been a while since I have been on here. You can read my former posts, but I will summarize real quick. I met my ex-husband in 2007, we had a baby in 2008, and we got married in 2010. After we got married we moved in with him, which is an isolated area. He was mentally abusive to me before we got married. It got worse when we moved in. He is very controlling, manipulative, and believes that the woman should stay home and take care of the house. The abuse escalated to him choking and slapping me in front of our daughter she was about two at the time. The last time he hit me was the end of 2011 I had him arrested and we moved on. I finally became divorced last year after he dragged the divorce out for a year. We had an order of protection. He was only allowed to see our daughter once a week with a counselor. After 7 months of doing that the courts lifted the restraining order, so now he is allowed to see her. His first visit is up to me which will be this weekend. I figured 2 hours would be good. I spoke to him and asked him if that is good for him. He said yes and asked if I wanted to come along. I really didn't answer him and he also told me he is sorry for everything that happened. I was very emotional last night. I just don't know what to do anymore. I will always love him, but I know it wouldn't be healthy. I have moved on with another man. I have known him for a long time. I told him we needed a break from each other, so I could figure out my feelings. I don't want to lose my current boyfriend. Any advice!!! Have I tried to move on too quickly.

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If you are in a good place with your new guy and he cares for you and your daughter, you're fine. You're absolutely right about your ex. Of course you love him, he was a huge part of your life and your daughter's father, but that doesn't mean you should get back together with him. What he did was inexcusable, and whether or not he's in a better place now there's just too much damage to go back without severe repercussions. Think about it this way, if it was your daughter 20 or 30 years from now, would you tell her to get back together with her abusive ex? My guess is no. Best to move on.

 

Best of luck!

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