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Hearing about my Ex' new girlfriend and his new life...


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I had an awful night last night and really just needed to vent!

 

Every week our group of mutual friends meets up for dinner and trivia. I go when I can and just see it as an opportunity to get out of the house and stay social. Sometimes my ex goes other times he doesn't.

Last night I was there, he wasn't and some of the people in the group decided it would be a great idea to discuss everything my ex has been doing lately whilst I'm sitting right next to them.

 

Long story short:

- He's stayed in very close contact with the girl he cheated on me with and is going back to Greece this year to meet up and travel with her.

- he's also become involved with one of his clients (he's a personal trainer) and has been introducing her to all our mutual friends.

- he's been on about 4 dates all with different clients and has slept with a bunch of people (according to my friends)

 

I kept it together while I was around everyone but said I had to leave..there was no way i was sitting around to hear anymore about him.

 

I'm not looking for advice..I know what I need to do..stop hanging around mutual friends would be a great start but atm it is my only social outlet and I've been feeling extremely lonely being stuck at home all the time ( I'm in the process of starting a new job but it's taking forever for all the paper work to be completed, so in the mean time I've been doing NOtHiNG!!)

 

It's not what he is doing with his life that upset me..honestly it doesn't surprise me at all but it just made me feel !! I feel like I'm stuck doing nothing and meeting no one new..it's awful!! I know it's not forever but it ripped me apart because I feel stuck and he is moving forward in leaps and bounds.

I don't want to jump straight back into a relationship but I sometimes feel it's how he has been able to move on so quick..I don't know..it just broke my heart and made me feel about myself.

 

Anyway...rant over...of course any thoughts or comments are appreciated

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Hello there, or Καλησπέρα ( I figured that since you are from australia and your ex is greek that you either are greek yourself or you know some greek at least ).

 

I have been through a similar situation myself. I had broken up with a girl I was with and because we had common friends we would hang out all together from time to time or when she was not around I had to listen everything about her personal life. A few times she even joined us with her new boyfriend. Not going to lie, it sucked at first but as time went by, I realized that she was not worth feeling sad about and I had a change of heart.

 

What I would suggest you to do is not hang out with people who talk about or hang with him. Stay away from such situations for a couple of months so that you do not hear any news about him. What he does in his life is none of your business now and you should not care at all.

He cheated on you, he will most likely cheat his current gf too.

 

Btw, if your greek send me a pm, would be good to chat in native language

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Hey, I can understand how this is making you feel.. Especially when you see him moving on.. Getting on with his life and you're just sat there waiting for things to happen (which is no fault of your own) it's just the way circumstances are at the moment. No doubt you will feel better when you start your new job, it will keep you busy, you will meet new people and it will give yourself something to throw yourself into and will make yourself feel good.

But I know all of this won't happen straight away.. Don't feel bad for not meeting anyone straight away. I might be that you're not quite ready to and that is more than okay - but just recognise that and be happy with how that feels and don't look at what anyone else is doing. Sometimes people will feel at their most happiest when they are working on themselves first, but I know too well it's so easy to look at other people and think well they are doing this.. They've moved on and are sorted almost straight away. But it's never good you know, people need time to grieve after losing a relationship and it will more than likely catch up after a while.

When you feel ready, I suggest online dating 😱😱 lol. I know it's not for everyone but I've always done it and it did me the world of good. Having people to message and people messaging you really boosts your confidence and I mean where is there to meet new people anymore? Not very many.

 

Hope this helps, just focus on yourself for a bit. If only I could take my own advice 😔 I feel ter than at the moment also and don't see a way out of it. Never mind.. Life goes on.

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Hi

Unfortunately I am not Greek!! But thank you for your greeting

My ex isn't Greek either, he just found himself and plenty of others when he was overseas last year travelling in Greece, hence why he is so keen to go back again this year.

 

I completely agree and there's only one of them that is really close with him that keeps bringing him up around me so I definitely plan to stay as far away from him if I can help it.

I know it is none of my business, your exactly right and if I had it my way he wouldn't even cross my thoughts, I wouldn't bother wasting my time thinking about him, but after 6 years of him being the most important person to me it's really hard to just stop being interested or change those thoughts.

 

I'm trying but and I hope that like you it becomes a lot easier and I no longer care x

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Maybe this summer you can visit Greece too then!

 

On topic now, it will get easier with time and you will reach a point where you will no longer care.

But dont rush things, let them take their natural course. And most importantly do not jump into another relationship, I did it couple of months after I broke up with my almost 4 year ex and I messed up big time.

 

Here is a new perspective for you as to how to think of an ex. I like to think of ex's ( lovers or even friends ) as the best thing that happened to us because they help us realize who we are and what we want from life. They also "prepare" us for our next relationship and teach us to respect the people that deserve to be respected.

 

I hope it makes sense to you

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Here is a new perspective for you as to how to think of an ex. I like to think of ex's ( lovers or even friends ) as the best thing that happened to us because they help us realize who we are and what we want from life. They also "prepare" us for our next relationship and teach us to respect the people that deserve to be respected.

 

I like your positivity!!

 

On my good days this is exactly how I look at my break up and my ex.

I know that this was not a bad thing that happened to me and it was time for our relationship to be done.

Good that it ended..but in bad circumstances.

Thanks

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I know it's not forever but it ripped me apart because I feel stuck and he is moving forward in leaps and bounds.

I sometimes feel it's how he has been able to move on so quick..I don't know..it just broke my heart and made me feel about myself.

 

Anyway...rant over...of course any thoughts or comments are appreciated

 

He is 'moving forward' towards where??? Dating his clients??? Sleeping around??? That's not 'moving forward'. That sounds like a trainwreck waiting to happen. You have nothing to be envious of as he changed into someone who you are certainly better off without. If nothing else, he is making it easier for you to realise that you are missing out on noone special. Most dumpees have a hard time taking their ex off the pedestral. He is making it easy for you. I think that the real problem is that right now you have too much time on your hands and that you need to address the 'stuck doing nothing and meeting no one new' part. Maybe finding some new hobby or volunteering for a cause you like would fix that.

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My suggestion is that if you have mutual friends and no other social life right now, you make plans to meet up with particular people you like in one on one situations where if they try to start on the subject of your ex, you just stop them and be honest and say you'd rather not discuss him as you are still healing and it sets you back to hear about him. That kind of request could be awkward in a large group at a dinner, but if you're out with one or two female friends and make that request, they will be very understanding and not talk about him.

 

Don't brave the entire social group at these dinners until you feel ready to hear about him.

 

Meanwhile, try to set up some activities where you meet new people and do new things! If you are feeling stagnant, a change can be marvelous to help you get out of the doldrums after a breakup. Make a list of things you've always wanted to do, and start doing them!

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Thank you for pointing that out to me..your so right.

I am in no way envious of how he is moving on and all of his actions come at no surprise to me I guess it's more just how it's made me feel about myself.

I started dating him when I was 16 and was with him till I was 22. I don't feel like I know who I am as an adult because I grew up into an adult with him in my life, it's all I know so I guess that's what I mean by I'm not ready to move on yet. Don't get me wrong I am the most people oriented person around so I hate not being in a relationship but I am really trying to focus on being alone, being comfortable with that and learning who I am and how I act by myself in different circumstances.

I am super excited to start my new career and in the mean time have been trying to fill in time by exercising, spending time with family, reading etc. I looked into volunteering opportunities today so will keep that in mind.

Thank you for your reply...it helped to remind me about the reality of my ex.

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Never compare yourself to another person and feel bad about it! So he's turned into a one man shagging show sleeping with a bunch of random women. Do you really want to do that with a bunch of men, and frankly there is nothing admirable about that other than he may be well on his way to picking up an STD or knocking up some random girl and paying 18 years of child support!

 

That kind of frantic shagging around (and bragging about it) has more to do with him feeling his oats or perhaps trying to convince himself he's a big stud and bragging about it. Nothing at all to do with love or you or what happened in your relationship, so don't let it get to you.

 

I am a very independent person and never waste time comparing myself to anyone else and have a lot of achievements in my life because I do my own thing and just press forward going after those things I find valuable and important rather than worrying about anyone else... dance to your own tune and you'll feel much better... and let him shag the universe if that makes him happy. And if it does, in my mind it just proves that he's going thru a shallow narcissistic phase and frankly isn't a good candidate for your permanent partner so you're better off without him!

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I just woke up and read this and am so ready to start my day in a positive, good way!!

I do look at my friends who are all in relationships and feel like that area my life is stagnant but then again I am not ready to be with anyone and am happy being alone so your right..I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and just focus on me.

And like I keep saying..I don't envy him and I definitely don't want to be out doing what he is doing with men..I know that's not me so I would never do something to try and put on a front for others...I always was the more mature one in the relationship so I'll just stay smug at the fact I am dealing with this like an adult and he is dealing with it like a child...he hasn't dealt with any of it because he doesn't know how..that was pretty obvious during the break up.

Anyway...thank you again lavenderdove x

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