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Not sure what to do


tessheart

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I have never posted on a forum before but I wanted to get advice without the judgement or bias of my friends and family.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. Before that he was in a relationship that lasted over 7 years that had been over for a year. When we got together we both lived in the same town as his ex and I knew that they were friendly (she has a 15 year old daughter he is very close to). A few months ago we moved to another state where we don't know anyone. I knew that he was still in contact with his ex because he spoke on the phone with her daughter from time to time. However a few day ago I found out that he has been talking to ex through text more regularly than I realized.

 

When I spoke with him about the situation he said that they were friends and he wasn't trying to hide anything from me (even though e was hiding it). Then later that night he started talking about going back to the town we lived in before (where his ex is) for a weekend and insisting he go on a weekend I could not go with him. This action combined with him talking with ex more often then he was letting on had me concerned and I sat down with him and ask if there was anything in their conversation that would make me upset and if they talked about their relationship and such. He insisted no on all accounts but his responses were hesitated and left me all the more suspicious.

 

In a move very unlike me I decided to look on his phone while he was in the shower (ugh I know not my proudest moment). On his text thread with her there was a lot of talk back and forth and obvious signs from her that she missed him. She asked him if him and I were exclusive and rather the stating that we are very exclusive he asked "why do you ask" and she asked if they could have sex while he was up there (classy I know!) his response was "I think that ship has sailed" but they continued talking. He said later in their texts that he doesn't want to do anything that upsets me. These text happened an hour before he started talking about going back to the town alone on a weekend I could not come.

 

At this point I am livid he not only hid the fact they were talking but left it pretty open in her mind as to wether him and I are in an exclusive relationship. When I told him I looked at his phone he admitted he messed up but insists like it says in the text that nothing was going to happen between them and he only wanted to go to the town alone to see his friends. He says he is sorry he lied about the text but didn't want to upset me. We live together and are currently looking at buying a house. I don't know if I should say he messed up but nothing actually happened or is the lying and possible intent to cheat enough to end this relationship.

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His ex and her child are still in the picture - red flag.

He talks with her on a daily bases, calls her "friend" and so on, when she actually wants to have sex with him, and is interested if his relationship is exclusive after one year - red flag.

 

He wants to go back to the town where she lives alone, without you, after you moved to another state. These trips of his will continue, I can promise you that. Without you.

He can either eliminate her from his life 100% and concentrate on you, by telling her that she is in the past and he is exclusive with you, or you dump him and get someone without that good-old "my ex is my friend (that wants to have sex with me)" attachment.

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