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Honest opinion about my situation


Tonyy

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Long story short: We were together for 4 months. It was pretty special, i'm 26 and she is 20 and i was her first boyfriend (she in a kinda religious girl). I usually date girls but avoid relationships (she was very worried about my fame in her college about me being a player. I don't think that fame is fair for me). We were happy -- I became a jealous boy --- Relationship started to have a bad time (we broke up 3 times) --- Lot of arguin ---- I found another girl --- Got confussed ---- Took her for granted --- She tought i was cheating (not really, i was thinking if end things to start over with the new girl or not) --- Two week with no communications --- I decided she is the girl a love ---- Text her ---- She broke it up with texts. She said that there was someone else, too.

 

Then i became extremely clingy: Calling her SEVERAL times a day from different phone numbers (with no answer). When she started picking up the phone it was to be mean with me. I only got an more-than-5-seconds-answer twice, one from her best friend and one from his mom. Her bf treated me like (or near like ) and his mom talked with me for an hour (i'm good at comedy and i'm usually good at make people LOL). At final, she started talking about my promise (i promised to go to her hometown city to know her family at xmas. She texted me asking me to go but i just sent her to hell) and told me "If you want to contact me again, do it. Don't stop calling me, i can help you with ohter girls or some other stuff. But please, stop contacting my daughter. You have made enough damage to each other and you know you (me) need help, it's over get used to it"

 

Finally, she gave me a disclosure and ended things in person. I brought her favourite flowers and chocolates and stuff and all i heard was "You should do all this fancy stuff at the start, not now. I'm not in love with you anymore...it wasn't even love, just an illusion". My first impression was that i broke up her heart and, for the sake of self-respect, she was being tough around me. But she told me that i didn't, that she was unhappy with the relationship a couple of weeks before and that she just didn't care, that her heart was ok and that she was not suffering from me. All this epsiode last another two weeks. She, at final, said that there is no one else (sure...) and that she said that because there is this guy who send her gifts but that she won't have something with him.

 

So i backed off. Asked her to be friends and started to contact her casually for 4 weeks. She started to warm up just a little. In one occasion, at phone she said again, out from nowhere, that there isn't someone else. In reallity, i was a lil depressed. Obviously she didn't know but i was. My best friend asked me to sleep with 5 different girls and told me than that will help me for sure. I was pretty sad and tought it was a wonderful idea. I slept with 3 girls, one is a girl i used to date and still no...i missed her!!. It was a horrible idea because i started to see how imperfect other girls are, it made me value her even more.

 

So i asked her out. She wrote a plain "NO" and stopped answering my texts or calls. I baked off for another week, i found a job in the newspaper that suits her and then i called her. No answer. Text her with the ad and only then i got an answer "Thank you (: I saw your call late in the night, sorry"

 

At this point i played all my cards. I said her i missed her, after that i asked her if she misses me. The answer was no, and that it upsets her (that i ask her how she feels if i already know that). She asked me to back off because we were building "a new firendship". I told her that how we can call it a relationship if i can't talk to her in person? Then i sent several texts telling her how much i love her, but that i need to accept the fact she doesn't and that i need to move on. No answer.

 

So i decided to see her in her friend party in my best friends home. This girl (her friend) told her once that i cheated on my ex with her, and that costed me two weeks apart from her (it didn't happen, that girl is a compulsive liar and when my ex found out we came back). She managed to ask her friend to uninvite me from the party so...i could have go (it's my friends home, they asked me to go) but i didn't want to look that creepy and go to a party where my ex asked to unvite me in order for her to go.

 

That day she spent all the party talking with my best friend. He sleeps with her best friend, so he was talking about that girl and stuff. She asked him about me (why didn't she ask in person?), if i still go to college (i said her no, that i finished it) and what he (my friend) thinks about our (seriously? Our?) relationship.

 

At least that was what my friend told me...

 

Next day (Februry 14) she unfriend me on facebok. I asked her why. She said she is not interested in my friendship. I said her she was a bad person. Got drunk, text her on facebook and said i love her and that kind of stuff. Pathetic. She wrote "Live !!! Live your life!!!" and blocked me on facebook.

 

I got revenge (i was drunk) and banished her from our university news system, also from our major (economics) official facebook group and computer system. I'm admin on that so i just did it. Later the next day i unbanished her from all that but couldn't get her back to the facebook group (apparentely i have to invite her again to that group, but we are no friends on facebook and were not talking anymnore)

 

One week later, it was my best friend bday party. She couldn't unvite me from that. My friend told me that one day she said she was in, another day she was cancelling. I went late and didn't know for sure if she was there or not. The first thing i saw was her. I just ignored her the whole night. Several men i know approached her and then i started to get drunk. At the verge of the end of the night, i was spying on her but didn't talk. For god sake, i found my crush of fresman college year, we were all "loving" with each other...i was thinking i was going to score with her but at final she just said me things like "Go for her, you cant get your eyes off from her" or "You still love her so much" and leave. I know my ex found out i was staring at her once or twice but that's all. At the final of the night, just before she leaves she stared at me with the most arrogant eyes i've ever seen and left with another guy (that wants to sleep with her, he told me once... i took some classes with him some time back, before my ex and i started to date) and her gay friend.

 

Later that night, a good friend of mine told me that the only guy (my best friend) that knew i was depressed and getting drunk told it to everyone in an attempt to find a way to help me. SURELY SHE KNOWS THAT ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN ALL OBBESSED ABOUT HER, THAT KIND OF INFO ALWAYS GOES VIRAL!!!

 

What can i do? I mean, i don't want to move on. I want her back. But i know it's maybe a impossible thing what i want. Any advice is welcome (:

Additional Details

 

I think tata if she really wanted me, she would have avoided to break up and just...fix things up. Idk, she seems really over me

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I can handle any opinion.

 

Well i know i did wrong. I know i was inmature and i know some of you think i'm a douche.

 

I won't justify my behaviour. I could say "i was drunk, i was angry, etc" but that won't change anything.

 

But if you allow me to point something out, i think you are over acting about it. I've seen a lot of creepy dudes doing worst things and you guys give 'em support! I'm not asking about support, anyways, i'm asking about an advice and just telling me something i already know i did wrong...well i really appreciate your time to give me that kind of advice but being honest it doesn't help me that much.

 

Also, i made things ok at the next day as soon as i woke up. Everything is fine now. It doesn't mean i'm forgiven but a fellow human can't have a mistake sometimes? I really know it was not proffesional.

 

Any other advice is welcomed. Thanks in advance.

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It sounds like she knows full well how you feel and that you'd like to get back together, but that she no longer wants to be with you.

 

To be honest, the relationship itself was only four months -- and during this you broke up three times? And there were trust issues -- something about you and another girl? I think the fact that this was a short relationship and not very stable works against you. She seems to have been over it for a long time and has asked you repeatedly to move on. Even her mother has asked you to move on.

 

I know it's not what you're hoping to hear, but at this point there's no advice that anyone can give you other than to accept that this relationship is over.

 

Focus on YOURSELF, on your own life, and doing things that help you feel better. In time, you WILL get over this.

 

A breakup is painful, but it's a part of life. If this is your first real breakup, it's new to you and you're not accustomed to having to walk away from a relationship you still want to be in. But there's no way you can *make* someone care about you again -- she either wants to be with you or she doesn't. It's hard to believe that someone can care about you for a time, and then those feelings go away -- but it does happen and it sounds like this is what happened here.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: link removed

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Really? A random giuy wrote about it and gave him a about his signature? It's spam...

 

 

Well after it i have not hopes. I mean, i really love her but you've always in love with a good-relationship.

 

I always saw it like a good forum, Just come posting in my thread, reallly...thanks in anvance.

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Really? A random giuy wrote about it and gave him a about his signature? It's spam...

 

I'm not sure what you're talking about here. ^

 

But it sounds like you're waiting for someone here to tell you that you have a chance of winning back this girl who's made it pretty clear that she doesn't want this to happen. I don't think you're going to get many people encouraging you to continue pursuing her.

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Because someone else did "worse" --- is not an excuse.

Because you were drunk....is not an excuse.

That wasn't a "mistake" ---- it was a series, not singular, of acts in order to sabatoge your ex.

Not professional? It could get you expelled!

 

Advice: stop drinking and seek therapy to attempt to find ways of handling your emotions without acting like a child having a tantrum.

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Too late i'm drunk by now.

 

I know, i'm just looking for someone to tell me "Go ahead".

 

My friends, all of them, told me to stop. They suck anyways...those guys told me that they were going to stop talking her (her friends stopped talking to me, even one that was a close friend and talked to me everyday). Now "my friends"... they hang out with her, go to parties all with out me. Just yesterday they went to dance and they avoided me. I'm like a pest.

 

I'm very depressed. I know it lasted just a bit but it was very special. I mean, I ALWAYS AVOIDED RELATIONSHIPS. Even when she wanted to start one, i told her no because i was afraid (my first relatinship lasted 3 years and was pretty hurtful). She convinced me to start one relationship with her for what? I just can't let her go, i miss her everyday.

 

Also we lived together 3 months. I mean, i live alone (i'm owner of a house) and every D.a.m.n space from this house remember me her....i just can't handle it....

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Yesterday two exes, that are my friends by now (when she broke up with me i sent a facebook inbox to every girl i used, i damaged...i just couldn't believe i made such a damage to someone.Not everyone told me it was ok and but i got two friends from those inbox) are asking me to stop. They are very worried about me, about me being drunk every day.

 

My business partner (also my "best friend") is very worried too. I don't go to work. Dude, i don't leave my beed.

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Ok, you said you could handle it. I think if you're this clueless and immature at age 26, there's near zero chance you're ever going to be able to fix yourself, so basically a lost cause. Maybe tons and tons of therapy could turn this around, but you'd have to basically tear who you are down to the ground and rebuild yourself, admitting you don't have a clue and trusting others 100% to guide you on how to be a well adjusted and mature person.

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I don't think i need to "fix myself" that way. I need help, i know...

 

But before this, my ex was deeply in love with me (we were friends and she had a crush on me). I worked for our college, i was in senior college year (not credit), i have my own business, my own house (not credit), my own car (not credit)...i dated several girls.

 

My life was pretty "adult" before her. It just...destroyed me.

 

I think i'm a narcisist. I can't handle someone breaking me up. I think that inside me i'm very insecure and i used my skills to show to the world i'm great. When she broke up my insecurity flowed up.

 

Thanks for the advice pl3asehelp. I'm guessing (by your username) that you came to this forum desesperated too. I'm glad you found your peace.

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In fact a narcissist is a very very bad looser. I googled it a lot, they can't handle rejection.

 

My ex told me the day she broke up with me , by texts, that "You just care about yourself. You believe you deserve everthing and that you are the center of the world. I'm done with it"

 

Codependant? I know. But i really don't know how to avoid it. I've been always that way...my best friend is codependant too so we were all time together. Thata didn't hurt. To be honest, i was pretty happy before her

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They don't like losing...so they go out and find a hotter chick to show the world they can.

They don't go bat $hit crazy and beg and plead and become a drunken mess.

 

Codependentcy is your issue. If you enjoy it...then look for other codependent partners.

Because a person with healthy boundaries will trigger this in you again.

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Dude, no. I really read about that a lot. My ex saying that i was a egocentric lead me to investigate it further. I found that narcissists are very very insecure people. They can't hanlde rejection. They believe that "this girl is rejecting me? That is impossible i'm such a hot guy". I even made a test and gave positive to that. After this thread, i believe that i'm acting like a f.u.c.k.ing dude that can't handle that someone doesn't like him.

 

About the hot girls, dude that doesn't work. I slept with 3 girls hotter than her (in fact, she is ugly...but she insisted a lot so i got in love with her). You know what? That made miss her MORE. I wouldn't recommend to someone to sleep with someone before they heal.

 

How can i handle codependance? I looked to cooda (or some sh.i.t like that) but is unavailable in my country.

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