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Decided to break up... need advice


hallerae

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I have been in a three year relationship now with my boyfriend. I posted on here a while ago about an unhealthy relationship with his ex that has become the catalyst for my decision to break up. He has refused to leave contact with her and she has also not accepted the invitation to meet me and is very boastful about herself to my boyfriend and downplays anything kind he has said to her about me. I have found the contact between them odd for quite sometime and asked him to stop contact with her. I thought it had, however, I found out the other day that they have been in contact regularly (every month or so, maybe more) and that my boyfriend has downplayed this knowing that I have a problem with it.

 

She has been completely disrespectful and refused to acknowledge me as a part of his life. I broke down the other day when I found a letter she had written him for his birthday that was given to him during his relationship right before me that said things like 'he was the kind of man a girl thinks about while the man lying next to her thinks she is asleep' and he 'makes her see stars' etc. She was in a relationship when she wrote that and still is with that person. Although this confirmed that my underlying feeling about their intimacy was true, it was definitely hard and has made me realize that he is addicted the fantasy and she gets a massive ego boost from the entire thing. I am just really sad to feel treaded on by this person and disrespected so much from my partner.

 

 

The hardest thing is I have a son and my boyfriend has been raising him with me for the last few years. My son thinks of him as his father. We also live together. This is going to be really tough. I guess I know my decision but just wanted to reach out in case anyone has any advice or understanding words to give. Thanks so much.

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Wow, she is duplicitous and awful. I would have photocopied that letter and mailed it to her boyfriend. How terrible he has no idea that his girlfriend is thinking of another man at night when they are lying in bed together!

 

That aside, I think breaking up is the right decision for you and your son in the long run. The fact that your soon-to-be-Ex hasn't out an end to her advances, and is openly encouraging her fawning over him means his character is lacking. You want a man who is loyal to you, and lying about regular contact with his Ex is disloyal.

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What an awful lady, why can't people just butt out!!! They broke up for a reason, so I don't understand why their still keeping in contact and yes that is totally disrespectful to you! If I was in that position I'd feel the exact same way, that's just completely wrong on so many levels.

 

And she even has a boyfriend as well, she must be really insecure if she has to do this to get her ego boost.

 

I know it will be extremely hard for you, as 3 years is a very long time. I think you should sit down and talk to him, lay everything out on the table and say your fed up with this and you asked him already to cut contact yet he lied and went behind your back about it.

 

You deserve someone that's going to respect and act upon your wishes, not make you feel this way... Very sad.

 

Goodluck hun, it will be tough but you will get through it.

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