bluebell29 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 I think sometimes you meet someone and automatically you just click with them- everything just seems right and perfect with this person- on top of the chemistry you both connect emotionally mentally and physically. So possibly he met someone else and he wanted to focus on her only and she, vice versa. I know people think this only happens in the movies but it has happened to me twice so I can vouch for it. Why doesn't it ever happen to me??! I've already quit online - I just don't have that thick of a skin... Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 i think usually it happens when you least expect or hope for it to (in my cases)... if your online dating, then most likely you are hoping for it. Just enjoy life and be good to yourself... you will eventually meet someone who will sweep you off your feet. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 I'll be sure to report back if it ever does happen! For now I look forward to being single on my 30th birthday. Super! You're right about the online dating and expectations though - I feel like I'm forcing myself to feel it with people I wouldn't consider if I met at a bar, only because I've invested some time in messages and it's effort and depressing to go back online and message new people. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I'll be sure to report back if it ever does happen! For now I look forward to being single on my 30th birthday. Super! You're right about the online dating and expectations though - I feel like I'm forcing myself to feel it with people I wouldn't consider if I met at a bar, only because I've invested some time in messages and it's effort and depressing to go back online and message new people. Don't invest time in messages -one or two emails, one or two phone calls, then meet. It depends how badly you want the opportunity to meet the right person as far as developing a thick skin. For me it was worth it but I can see where if you're not sure you really want marriage/family it's not worth all the work/aggravation/stress. I think the "happens when you least expect it" stories are more fun to hear about than where a person was proactive about meeting someone. I could spin my story as a least expect it story -and others have -but I know it's far from the truth. I do think it won't happen if you're desperate but the reverse - just passively waiting and not being out there meeting people -doesn't make sense, especially in your 30s. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 2, 2014 Author Share Posted March 2, 2014 I wish I wasn't still thinking about him but I am! I really want to see him again and have him as a part of my life - probably only as friends as I guess there's not enough attraction at either end for more. But somehow I feel like I want him in my life. Does it look desperate if I reach out to him again? I was last to initiate contact and he was travelling then (over 2 weeks ago). We haven't seen each other in over a month. Should I just accept that he doesn't care about seeing me again or make more of an effort for a friendship? He has tons of friends and a busy life and if we're not dating, it probably won't cross his mind to text me. I would like to meet his friends and just hang out. I've gone out with other guys since but somehow I can't bear to not ever see this guy again. I did really like him. But I don't want to come off as desperate or having low self worth. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Do you not have other friends? Maybe that's what's missing for you. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Batya has a point sorry- u can never do any wrong being proactive in what you want Personally I would not reach out to him because its obvious he's not interested in you relationship wise. ALso since you really liked him, I think you need more time to yourself and date others before you can fully get over him and attempt a friendship with him. Happy B-day btw. Like JayZ said, the new 20 is 30 Link to comment
calichick007 Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 I would not contact him again. You are interested in him, he is not interested in you -- no way this ends in any way other than you being upset all over again. Look at the disparity of what you posted: you aren't even likely to cross his mind, yet you "can't bear" not seeing him again? Really, think about that. I agree that it sounds like you are lonely / looking for company more than anything else. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 Batya has a point sorry- u can never do any wrong being proactive in what you want Personally I would not reach out to him because its obvious he's not interested in you relationship wise. ALso since you really liked him, I think you need more time to yourself and date others before you can fully get over him and attempt a friendship with him. Happy B-day btw. Like JayZ said, the new 20 is 30 Thanks Christina! And yes, what was I thinking yesterday! Gosh I'm ashamed of myself. I actually went out last night and gave a cute guy my number so time to move on from the flake! If he actually reaches out to me I'm going to be pretty curt. Who does he think he is really. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 Thanks all - yes I do really miss my friends and while I have made a few here, it takes a while to feel close and I guess I do feel a bit lonely sometimes! But I know it's just about having patience and giving myself time to find my feet. Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 time to move on from the flake! You act disinterested in him and when he picks the clue and moves on you call him a flake? If he actually reaches out to me I'm going to be pretty curt. Who does he think he is really wow! I think you got some entitlement issues. You will take your own sweet time to warm up to him but the guy needs to keep waiting like a puppy dog for you right? and if he doesn't - who does he think he is really? nice! Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 You act disinterested in him and when he picks the clue and moves on you call him a flake? wow! I think you got some entitlement issues. You will take your own sweet time to warm up to him but the guy needs to keep waiting like a puppy dog for you right? and if he doesn't - who does he think he is really? nice! Umm maybe i forgot to mention the part where I pretty much organised all the dates -thinking of various bars/restaurants. So forgive me for not bursting with enthusiasm every time he asked me out. And also i wasn't the one that decided to start implementing 4 hour response times. I always responded in a timely manner to his texts. And what's wrong with taking your time to get to know a stranger you met on the Internet in a foreign city? It wasn't like he had great far thinking plans for our relationship and i blew them with my couple of rescheduled dates. Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Umm maybe i forgot to mention the part where I pretty much organised all the dates -thinking of various bars/restaurants. So forgive me for not bursting with enthusiasm every time he asked me out. And also i wasn't the one that decided to start implementing 4 hour response times. I always responded in a timely manner to his texts. And what's wrong with taking your time to get to know a stranger you met on the Internet in a foreign city? It wasn't like he had great far thinking plans for our relationship and i blew them with my couple of rescheduled dates. In that case you shouldn't be too worried that he is gone Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 In that case you shouldn't be too worried that he is gone Lol yes I see that now Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 Lol yes I see that now On a different note bluebell I have to say that I feel the EXACT same way as you do - how in the world do people meet, date, get into relationships so easily. It feels to me like I am the only person for whom nothing ever works out but it is sooo easy for other people. I really really don't know/understand how other people do it Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 On a different note bluebell I have to say that I feel the EXACT same way as you do - how in the world do people meet, date, get into relationships so easily. It feels to me like I am the only person for whom nothing ever works out but it is sooo easy for other people. I really really don't know/understand how other people do it I think it looks easy from the outside but you don't always know how the couple achieved a healthy relationship. For some it comes very easy, it's true. Life isn't fair and that's ok! Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I think it looks easy from the outside but you don't always know how the couple achieved a healthy relationship. For some it comes very easy, it's true. Life isn't fair and that's ok! Thanks Batya. I am not talking about working on building a relationship. My problem is I can't even get to the first date stage. In college every single woman appeared to already have a boyfriend, at workplace people were either engaged or married, online dating - I didn't get one single response, Speed Dating - some women select and respond but they stop the moment I ask them for coffee.. I just don't know what to do Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Thanks Batya. I am not talking about working on building a relationship. My problem is I can't even get to the first date stage. In college every single woman appeared to already have a boyfriend, at workplace people were either engaged or married, online dating - I didn't get one single response, Speed Dating - some women select and respond but they stop the moment I ask them for coffee.. I just don't know what to do It's not every single woman -that's just your perception. Anyway it's not a contest or a competition. Dating is hard work. It was for me. Often it was like a part time job. You have to be out there as much as possible and regularly evaluate the common denominator in all of this -you. Are you interacting in a positive way? How's your body language and eye contact? How are your listening skills? Are you flexible enough as far as who you're willing to go on a first date with? I did on line dating, blind dates, singles events, volunteer work, went to parties, joined a book club, went on singles vacations by myself, told everyone I knew and liked that I was looking to meet people, I moved to a major city with lots of single people, etc. What about you? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 Thanks Batya. I am not talking about working on building a relationship. My problem is I can't even get to the first date stage. In college every single woman appeared to already have a boyfriend, at workplace people were either engaged or married, online dating - I didn't get one single response, Speed Dating - some women select and respond but they stop the moment I ask them for coffee.. I just don't know what to do College is over. Work is a bad idea. Online is a little lazy anyway if that's all you rely on. Get to know women in every day life! Go to meetups, and meet women at coffee shops and grocery stores. Meetups are a gold mine. Say hello. Get to know them. Ask them out! Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 I do think being good at relationships is a natural ability like being good at math or being able to make friends easily. Like this guy for e.g., I could just tell he was very good at relationships and is someone who's rarely single for a few weeks. I on the other hand, have been told I'm too independent by guys so I guess I give off that kind of vibe (and maybe it is true, some people prefer to be alone rather than in OK-ish relationships). I think it comes down to how much you want it - it comes through in your body language. I do think it's a skill you can get better at though. Trying to really connect with the other person and listening are great skills. For me personally I know I need to be a little less reserved in opening up about my feelings. And yes, meeting people is hard after 25. Work is a no-no and I'm done online dating. I'm trying to do more hobbies and making friends generally who will hopefully introduce me to some nice guys...that's the hope anyway...sigh Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I do think being good at relationships is a natural ability like being good at math or being able to make friends easily. Like this guy for e.g., I could just tell he was very good at relationships and is someone who's rarely single for a few weeks. I dont think someone who is rarely single for a few weeks makes him/her good at relationships... maintaining a HEALTHY relationship is what make a person good at relationship. Link to comment
bluebell29 Posted March 4, 2014 Author Share Posted March 4, 2014 I dont think someone who is rarely single for a few weeks makes him/her good at relationships... maintaining a HEALTHY relationship is what make a person good at relationship. Sure but I was talking in the context of the discussion on some people finding and getting into relationships easily. Some people do seem to do so with less effort than others. Whether a relationship works out is a whole other matter involving other variables not related only to the person in question. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 4, 2014 Share Posted March 4, 2014 I met my husband through work. We didn't work in the same department and we behaved professionally while at work. I thought it was a great way to meet people. Many of my friends met their spouses through on line dating sites. I met many good guys through on line dating sites. I had far better luck meeting men who were potentially good matches for me in my mid-30s. Being proactive about meeting people is a great idea! I was very independent and that didn't affect my desire for a relationship or my ability to be in a relationship . I think it enhanced it. Link to comment
SilverFactory Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 It's not every single woman -that's just your perception. Anyway it's not a contest or a competition. Dating is hard work. It was for me. Often it was like a part time job. You have to be out there as much as possible and regularly evaluate the common denominator in all of this -you. Are you interacting in a positive way? How's your body language and eye contact? How are your listening skills? Are you flexible enough as far as who you're willing to go on a first date with? Thanks for a great response Batya. To be honest I feel like I am doing okay. Some women reciprocate the interest and even agree to meet for a first date. But then they just disappear and I have no clue what exactly happened. Also, like I said before my main problem is not being able to meet single women that are looking for a boyfriend. I just don't know where to meet them. I am 38 yrs old now and also bald - just as an FYI I did on line dating, blind dates, singles events, volunteer work, went to parties, joined a book club, went on singles vacations by myself, told everyone I knew and liked that I was looking to meet people, I moved to a major city with lots of single people, etc. What about you? I have tried online dating, speed dating, clubs, and singles events meetups. So looks like I can try volunteer work, book club, singles vacations. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 Thanks for a great response Batya. To be honest I feel like I am doing okay. Some women reciprocate the interest and even agree to meet for a first date. But then they just disappear and I have no clue what exactly happened. Also, like I said before my main problem is not being able to meet single women that are looking for a boyfriend. I just don't know where to meet them. I am 38 yrs old now and also bald - just as an FYI I have tried online dating, speed dating, clubs, and singles events meetups. So looks like I can try volunteer work, book club, singles vacations. My husband was 38 (and I was 39) when we got back together after several years apart. You might ask some of these women -the one who seem receptive to it -what you might have done or not done that concerned them - I was asked to give feedback like that a few times. Link to comment
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