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when Facebook slows down your moving on


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If you have any Facebook stories that have prevented you from moving on write them down here.

 

like a lot of dumpees trying to get over an ex Facebook can be one of the highest challenges. Ive had to unfriend my ex and unsubscribe to his friends in my news feed. Stopping yourself from snooping on their pages to get information is a constant battle which every day you have to restrain yourself from. Has anyone else had this problem?

 

on the odd ocasion when ive been weak ive looked on his friends pages and seen pictures of him with his now girlfriend he got with straight after me and ive seen images that stick in my mind and hurt. This prevents me from moving on. Its really hard to resist looking and something you have to battle with every day.

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I had a similar problem but once I initiated NC I've had no desire to snoop but I did…

 

1. block him from my FB account, my sisters and my mom's so I would never be tempted to use anyone's account

2. I also deleted all our pictures and removed all of his comments/likes on my pictures so I would have no access to his main FB pic, preventing me from seeing if he ever changes it to be with him and his next gf.

3. I deleted all his friends who are known to post pics of him

4. unfollowed the rest of his friends.

 

maybe you should do the same…it really prevents your healing when your able to see him moving on just fine

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I agree. In the pictures you can never tell if they are happy or not. Reality is never like the picture. But the point is, your better off not knowing anything. For me i think its easier if i pretend he died the day he dumped me. Sounds extreme, but the break up has been an extremely hard time for me. Facebook is awful really, it makes you see things not how they are, but how you perceive. Them.which is normally negative, because you are hurting

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Made all the Facebook mistakes. Blocked her on everything now, but I have two issues with Facebook still: The first is that I can't block organizations to which she belongs, and I would like to do so. People post pictures of her on this organization's page sometimes. I have to force myself not to look, and I don't do such a hot job of it. It would be much easier if I could just block the page. The second issue is that because I have blocked my ex on Facebook, I can search her name in Google or Bing and her profile picture pops up. Should be strong enough not to do this, but I am an addict and often can't stop myself from getting my fix.

 

I like Facebook for some purposes. However, it does a lot of harm to people who are hurting.

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I blocked my ex from everything, and not just facebook. I even blocked his friends and family, and removed all pictures, physical or digital. Basically, there isn't a thing left of him with me anymore.

 

I miss him a lot, but this is the only way for me to heal fast and I need to get going with my life, he has slowed it down for a long time, and now I have to get back on track. Focus on my career, myself, fix myself, be a better and new person, no dating for me for while, and then once I am all healed up and ready, I will present the new me to the market, and hopefully to meet that new and special someone who's more honest than my ex.

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Hello,

 

You have become obsessed. And only YOU can decide when this obsession has to stop. I had a similar experience about two years ago, and I admit it was really painful at the beginning. Shortly after we broke up I couldn't help but see every single comment he posted on his account and every single picture he was tagged in. Crazy, huh? So I decided to block/delete him, but he was still "there" through our common friends. What did I do? One day, I decided to abandon Facebook in general. I cannot describe how right this decision was for me. Two months later, I could barely remember his name or his friends. I found myself again, my balance, my optimism and I was actually ready to move on with new people. Distance can do miracles when you decide to cut off entirely.

 

Now, I don't say that you should do the same and abandon Facebook in general if you are very attached to it/not ready to. But you can try and remove everything, even the slightest bit of information that reminds you of him. This requires a lot of effort especially if you were together for a long time, but it's worth it. Also, don't worry if he is happy or not. He moved on, and so you have to do the same. Guys like him do that all the time. Immediately after they break up, they move on to the next one, in order to "fill the empty gap". Now, whether the new one is the right one for them or not, that's another story.

 

I agree with you, it's amazing how Facebook can distort everything to seem "perfect" in our eyes, but believe me, it's not. People struggle everyday to show how perfect (they think) they are, but the truth is that THEY STRUGGLE. It's not real, it's fake. So don't worry much about their "perfection" or your "imperfect" situation. Try instead to find your own interests, goals and pursue them. The ones that are REAL to you, and you will soon feel better

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got rid of facebook, twitter, instagram, linkedin, you name it to keep her out of my life. Its very very hard but i think worth it in the end, literally makes it impossible for me to see or hear about what she is doing, even though my damn friends still say stuff sometimes cause they are mutual...

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I can totally empathize with pretty much all of these comments. It's been hard spending time at home alone now and trying not to delve into the fb world. Actually he deleted his fb account the night we broke up when he got home, but not before he made his status "KILL ME". I saw it, and then boom he was gone. He hadn't been on fb very long about 8 months, he was always one of those people who had resisted it and to be honest, he didn't use it that much. He told me in the beginning that he joined fb only so he could talk to me! How fitting then, that he deletes it after we broke up. The only problem is that there are so many friggen photos of him, and most he was unaware of. He's a drummer and his bands page is still in existence although he has nothing to do with it. I feel bad 'unliking' their page but I think it may be something i have to do. Doesn't help that he plays without a shirt on.....Sigh. I don't need to see that.

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I will admit im addicted to Facebook. I tried to give it up for a week once to see if i could do it....i failed after 2 days, because there are good points to using it. Although i did defriend my ex, most of the time i dont look at his friends pages, but at times i do find it hard not to. Last weekend i was missing him so much i caved. And the images i saw upset me. Now that feeling has passed again and i wish i didn't. My point is, pain comes in waves, u have to ride the wave and have some strength. Not to look when u miss them, and wait for the feeling to pass.

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there is actually research done that proves this is true... people who continue to stay in contact and follow their exes on social media like FB and twitter take a lot longer to heal and get over the breakup than those who block them and don't follow them or continue to have a window into their world.

 

it's a simple principle really... if you're trying to lose weight, you don't put a big chocolate cake in the center of your dining table to see everytime you eat or go by it... you're continually reminded of what you're missing and that causes a lot of anxiety and pain and difficulty letting go of the idea that you can have chocolate cake whenever you want it!

 

Also note that the world did JUST FINE before the advent of Facebook, and there is no good reason that you 'need' to stay on it if you are addicted to it. Frankly, there's lots of research that for whatever 'good' it brings, it ends up wasting a LOT of people's time in unproductive activities, and in fact can be very negative for people's self esteem and prevents spending time forming real in-person relationships because you're substituting voyeurism on FB for personal social interaction. It encourages narcissism, andy ou end up with a whole legion of 'fake' friends who you don't really interact with other than firing off little narcissistic comments to the universe. It can HAMPER social interaction if you use FB to substitute for real contact with people who are really important to you, one on one conversations with meaning rather than just random broadcasts of 'I had oatmeal for breakfast.. yum!' or 'Look at my new shoes, awesome!'

 

Take a challenge to get off FB entirely for a couple months. De-activate your account, and start calling your real friends and meeting them for coffee and to do fun things. Text your friends when you have the urge to get back on FB, and surprisingly, you will discover you will probably feel much better and do a lot more interesting things and have more MEANINGFUL contact with your real friends if you do.

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Thanks, well said lavenderdove im going to give up Facebook for a month to see if it helps my healing progress. Every time i feel like going on it in going to come on here instead. No Facebook until April! I will let you all know how its going and see if its helping. Maybe i can inspire others to do the same? Who's with me?

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Thanks, well said lavenderdove im going to give up Facebook for a month to see if it helps my healing progress. Every time i feel like going on it in going to come on here instead. No Facebook until April! I will let you all know how its going and see if its helping. Maybe i can inspire others to do the same? Who's with me?

 

There's no need to give up Facebook entirely. All you need to do is BLOCK HIM -- and any mutual friends who might post about him. This goes for all other social media sites you use. If you use a site that DOESN'T let you block.... then yeah, I'd go ahead and walk away from that for a few months.

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There's no need to give up Facebook entirely. All you need to do is BLOCK HIM -- and any mutual friends who might post about him. This goes for all other social media sites you use. If you use a site that DOESN'T let you block.... then yeah, I'd go ahead and walk away from that for a few months.

 

I agree with Sharky. Block without getting yourself off Facebook.

 

My ex is all over social media so it was hard to block her from everything. Some things I now just have to stay away from, even if we both have profiles on there. It just takes some will power and it gets easier the longer you do it.

 

I blocked my ex, her family, and all her friends that I could think of on Facebook. She actually blocked me on FB but I found out that one can block someone who's blocked you, so that if they unblock you on their end, they'll still be blocked on your end. I posted a link on here that explains how/what blocking does on Facebook, Google, and Twitter. I will try to find it again.

 

Also, both my ex and I have blocked each other's cell phone at the carrier lever.

 

In all honestly, all of this blocking does seem a bit childish but it's necessary if you're serious about stopping yourself, or your ex, from contacting you.

 

EDIT: Here is the link: link removed

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I don't think blocking is childish. If you are hurting that much from the break up you have to do what you can to minimise the pain.

 

i personally have found blocking my ex has helped. maybe blocking his friends is better than just unsubscribing to them. Just depends if you have the will power not to look?

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You have no reason to be Facebook friends with his friends. They don't need to be seeing your page and you don't need to look at theirs -- why keep that connection?

 

If they're TRUE mutual friends, they'll understand you're going through a painful breakup and why you need to block them for a while. No reason to test your willpower -- or to risk accidentally being exposed to a painful comment or photo.

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I had a circumstance with Facebook where I saw that her ex pretty much declared his love for her. I was upset and deactivated FB, since it was pretty much post VDay blues seeing her go back to him,but I came back two days later.

Then her ex said they were in a relationship, and had a glorious statement about her. But I was ok. I mean I sort of knew the situation and wasn't going to block or anything. She informed me she was going to deactivatye FB. Saying she was tired of hurting me. I'm sure more went into it. But she hasn't been back since.

I thought that was a little extreme of her, I would have figured it would have been best just to block me or unfriend me, but she deactivated her whole account. I asked about it later and she said it was causing more problems then enjoyment.

So, there was probably more to it, then what she told me, which is fine. Oh well. FB is confusing anyway.

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Blocking isn't the least bit childish when the intent is to stop the constant windows into the other person's world and take back your sense of control of your own life rather than having bulletins about the ex constantly assaulting you. There is research that proves that it is a huge benefit to do this and shortens the healing time/pain.

 

And many people find it hugely beneficial to get off FB/Twitter and social media where they obsessively check their phones etc. like a crack addict getting a hit of cocaine. There's are real, exciting, valuable life out there that is based on more than just to 2 second bite of info/stimulation one gets from that, and it can be a huge time waster, preventor of people doing really meaningful things with their lives rather than being obsessed with taking a picture of what they ate for breakfast or their latest pair of shoes or whatever other trivial thing going on at the moment. Live large rather than live small!

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I deactivated my account little over two years ago and have not went back on since. Sometimes you just have to know your limitations and make the necessary adjustments to heal. I am pretty sure if I stayed on I would have unblocked her and looked at her profile and that was not an option. I love myself too much to stab myself in heart.

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Well i deactivated my account yesterday. I want to see if a month without Facebook helps me. I don't think i could permanently cancel it from my life because. I use it for other things. But if it helps me to heal then its worth it

 

sounds like a good idea. i always thought it's a good idea to take a break from FB or other social media even when you're not dealing with a break up or something similar.

 

good for you!

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