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Why did she break up with me? Does anybody have any idea?


baldja23

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I dated this girl for a about 3 and a half months. She's has a very troubled past. She has a very low self esteem and constantly thinks down about herself. She used to do drugs and a lot of drinking to forget her problems. When we were together she was the happiest she has ever been. Both her and her family told me this.

 

Valentines day our relationship was at the best point it had ever been. Things were going great. We went out for dinner. She loved her gift. We went back to my place afterwards. This is where I got confused. She always hinted at wanting sex, but when we would talk about it or the time came she would get funny. We were about to have sex for the first time. She told me that she had to be drunk first, which I thought was strange. I told her I didn't want to get drunk the first time we have sex. I revealed to her that I was a virgin and I wanted our first time to be special. She seemed ok with the virgin thing, but I could tell something was wrong, so I asked her about why she had to be drunk. She told me that she didnt want to tell me and to please not make her. I said in a humorous tone, "You're not gonna get all emo on me now are you?" She immediately got up and ran downstairs. She was going to leave to avoid telling me, but she realized she didn't have her vehicle, so she locked herself in the bathroom. She came back upstairs sat down on the bed and said, "Do you really wanna know?" I said, "yeah, but if you dont want to tell me you don't have to. She paused then she told me she was molested by her brother when she was younger and started crying. I immediately tried to comfort her and talk about it, but she pushed me away and insisted on not talking about it and going to bed. The next morning she seemed fine and normal till I gave her a ride home. Before we left I told her I didn't want what happened last night to have a negative effect on our relationship and she said, "you were gonna have to know eventually. Just next time I don't want to tell you something, don't make me tell you." She didnt speak at all on the ride home. I decided I would give her some space for a day because when she's upset she likes to be left alone.

 

The next morning I called her. She wouldn't say much and she didnt go into detail. All she said was "I don't think our relationship is going to ever be the same again. I thought about breaking up with you. I just think you would be better off without me. I'm a basket case. I dont want you to get closer to me. I dont want anybody to get closer to me." I said, "I love you and I dont want to leave you. Can we give it another shot?" She said, "I suppose, but the next time I dont want to tell you something dont make me tell you." I then told her that I would give her some space.

 

The next night I tried texting something small just to check up on her and see how shes doing. All I said was "hey" and she replied back 15 hrs later with "hey." I know she saw it when I first sent it to her. We just casually started texting about her car. I could tell it was awkward and she didn't really want to talk. I saw her later at work. She said "hey." I asked her if she was ok. She said she was fine. Then i asked her if she was mad at me and she said "no." She then said, "I'll talk to you about it after work." I said, "Ok, do you want me to call you." She said, "No I'll call you." She never called. The next morning I got a text asking me if I was working. I said, "yeah." She said, "let me know when you're done, gotta talk to ya." It was a bad day. I was really busy and I didn't get much sleep. I text her that I wanted to be in the right frame of mind when we talked. She said, "I understand. thats why I've been trying to catch you at a good time. It can wait till tomorrow. It's gonna probably be a long talk and I don't want to keep you up late."

 

The next night we talked for 2 hrs and she broke up with me. She pretty much had her mind made up. She told me she spent the last 4 days crying, not talking to anyone, drinking alone, and wearing the shirt I bought her for valentines day. The reason she gave me for breaking up was what happened on Valentines Day when I made her tell me what she didn't want to tell me. At first she thought she could put it aside and we could get past it as a couple, but it it wasn't working for her, then she thought if we had some space things would work out, but that didn't work either. She said that she told me several times it takes her a long time to get comfortable with someone and share things with them, but I didn't listen. I guess I rushed things a little bit too soon for her. She told me she just didn't feel the same way about me anymore. She also said I was the positivity she needed in her life, I got her to stop doing drugs, she still cared about me, and that I'm a good guy. We agreed to remain friends.

 

I haven't made any attempts to talk to her. The night after we broke up she started messaging me on facebook about a guy we both know from work hitting on her. She even sent me screen shots of the messages he was sending her. She told me she wasn't interested in him and she wanted him to stop, but he wouldn't. Not sure why she did this. The day after she messaged me she liked a couple things on my facebook and RSVP'd to an event after she saw I was going to it as well.

 

I'm not really sure why she broke up with me. Does anybody have any idea? Up to this point she was always worried about me breaking up with her and she would constantly tell me about this. She was afraid to have sex with me because she thought I would break up with her afterwards. She constantly gave me speeches about how she would never leave me. It seemed so sudden. last week we were inseparable and this week she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I think there's more to it than what she told me. I'm also curious as to why she was messaging me the night after we broke up when she was drinking.

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Unfortunately mhowe is right.. Troubled past CAN set a precedent for future relationships to fail. Basically they search to relive the experience from their past, even though they're traumatized by it. They end up in abusive RS and can't appreciate a good healthy RS. Unless they get into therapy to process their traumatizing past, that is.. Then they have a fair chance of a happy RS.

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Considering her state of mind right now, she did you a favor. Maybe sometime down the road she can be more emotionally and mentally capable of a relationship. She could've really damaged you in the process even more than what it feels like right now. Give her time and space to get her head straight. If you're really strong and I do mean STRONG then just tell her that you're there to talk to. When I emphasized strong that means that you would have to understand that you guys are totally platonic until she is ready for anything. Don't shut off your outside options and wait for her as this will likely be a long and drawn out process for her and you. Be good to yourself and don't fall into her problems because it can bite you in the end. This is going to be a test of time and if you feel you're unable to switch your emotional view on her then it may be best to wish her well on her journey to recovery.

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I really miss her. We had very similar interests and this whole thing was final and seemed to happen very sudden. It's like how can someone go from being infatuated with you and afraid of you braking up with them to breaking up with you and not havng those feeling for you anymore. The first night I talked to her after valentines day she made it seem like everything was her fault. The night she broke up with me she made it seem like everything was my fault and I couldn't handle her .

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One thing I don't understand is why she started messaging me the next night after we broke up? She broke up with me, so it doesn't make any sense. It's almost as if she doesn't want anybody to know we're broken up. She didn't post anything up on facebook or twitter about it and when we changed our relationship status it never showed up on anyones newsfeed. In fact whenever I talk to ppl they have no idea we broke up. She has a lot of guy friends and they're pretty shady. They all think she's hot and they all want one thing. She's very pretty, naive, and she's really nice, so she's also a magnet for creepers. Maybe she doesn't want to be hit on or something idk.

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Maybe you need to contact an authority, a safeguarding team so that they can investigate and support her through what has happened. I know you will feel like you are betraying her trust, but really if you care for her this would help her. They can offer support for her that is right. This is way too big a burden for you to carry. And it has certainly eatten her up inside

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