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Not sure if I should stay with my girlfriend or let her go.


jjaayy

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I am in desperate need of advice. I am currently dating this girl for over 2 1/2 years now, but yet things have not changed one bit. We go through strides of times where it has been wonderful, but then the arguments come back and it gets worse and worse each time. I love her, but I am no longer in love with her. It is like every night, I feel as if I need to tell her that it is time for us to break up but I can't see myself doing that. I am not sure if it is the right thing to do, or if it is the thing that I want to do.

I can't see her with somebody else, but yet I can't see myself with her in the future. I thought she was the girl of my dreams. Buys me nice things all the time, even when I tell her not to. Please if someone is in a similar situation, help me.

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As scary as it may be, you need to speak up and tell her exactly how you feel and discuss with her where to go from there. Keeping these feelings and thoughts hidden from her is very unfair and you are basically not giving your relationship any chance. Things will never change on their own. You need to try to clarify together what you are missing and if after trying together, you still can't see yourself with her in the future, then you need to break up. Stop wasting her time like that. Relationships die without honest communication. Withholding your feelings from her until it's too late is basically pretty much ensuring the relationship's death.

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Honestly I do communicate with her, I tell her if things don't change, then it really will push me to ending the relationship. I honestly think that she thinks i will never end it. That is the problem. I want to work it out and see if things can get better but she is the type that just ignores the situation. What can I do about that? Threaten the relationship?

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If you have made clear to her what you are unhappy about in a respectful manner and she has done the same and you cannot find a compromise/solution, then it may indeed be time to break up. It sounds though like you two are in a power struggle where there is no cooperation and each one is not listening the point of view of the other but is focused on forcing their opinion to the other. If that is the case you hold 50% of the blame. The way you communicate with her may be the problem. e.g. If you are ordering her around and making threats, then your message is lost because of the way you are using trying to get it accross. Have a read through this: link removed

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I tell her if things don't change, then it really will push me to ending the relationship.

 

That's not communication - that's you telling her it's all her fault and threatening her with abandonment.

 

Part of your problem is you think that's communication.

 

Communication is learning to resolve issues and learning how to fight.

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