He left me and now i feel i can't cope

[Hannaha7x2]

Since my boyfriend (well ex now) left me I feel so depressed, even suicidal. Every night i sit alone and just wish he would come back to me...I have tried to beg for him back but he just ignores me and obviously doesn't care. How do i deal with this? I just want to die, i want all this pain to go away! I've starting self harming and I know I need help. I have depression and am on anti-depressants, nothing makes me feel better. I can't imagine being with anyone else, the thought makes me sick as no one compares to him. What do i do?

[Alie]

When reading this, I saw myself 4 years ago. I was so in love with my ex that I felt the same way when he left. I wanted to die and I starved myself. Now 4 years after, I am in a relationship with my soulmate. Now looking back, I would say that I was young and stupid.

 

People at that time told me that trust me, you will love again. I didn't believe them and just like you, I felt that I could only be with him. Without him, I can't find love again. Now after 5 years, I loved again and again 3 more times until I found my soulmate. Older people have gone through all this so believe them when they give you words of advice. Learn to listen to people that already experienced it.

 

So now, I can say the same thing to you, "You will love again and your life is more valuable than a guy." Just fight through your emotions, go out, and bite through it until you are heal. Don't harm yourself!

[Clio]

You need to accept that for a while you will be feeling depressed and that is absolutely normal. What you suffered is similar to someone you loved dying. No point in thinking about being with anyone else right now. No one would be able to compare, not because he is special but because he is out of your reach. It's a wanting what you can't have type of thing. Your mind can be your worst eneny at times like this. You need to go no contact and stop trying to learn anything new about him. And you need to try to keep yourself as busy as possible whether it is working, going to the gym, going out with friends and family, volunteering for a good cause, reading self-help books, whatever floats your boat. Also, it might help you to read this: link removed

 

Whatever you do, do not stay around the house alone doing nothing. Go out as much as possible. I repeat, your mind is your worst enemy right now. Your ego will try to convince you that this is the end of the world. It isn't. If you can find it, read a book titled 'A new earth' by Eckhart Tolle. And seek professional help to stop self-harmingn ASAP. It takes time to heal. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You did and you are doing the best you can. Set some personal goals and take it one day at a time. Good luck with your healing.

[No1]

Does the thought of being single scare you? I think in your mind you are thinking that if you have dont have a boyfriend you are not important or needed.

Just because you have a boyfriend doesnt mean your life is now fullfilled. Its not the boyfriend you miss. I think for you a boyfriend is interchangeable. What is the longest you have been without a boyfriend?

You matter to your friends and family. The only thing missing is that you dont have a boyfriend.. big deal...

We all hurt after a heartbreak, the pain is not going to go away tomorrow but know that you are going to make someone happy. But it has to be the right person and not just any person.

When will this right person come along? Who knows... so until that day, dont hurt yourself. Cry if you have to but know that you do matter, life with you is a little better.

[Mesemene]

First, make an appointment with your psych. Seriously. They may have to boost your meds, since you might be having a "crisis" on an emotional level that's pushing your "normal" level of depression out of bounds for your standard regimen to help.

 

And get a referral for a therapist, a good one. You need outside contact. And if things are being compounded by depression, it's not necessarily something you can "just cope with" on your own this time.

 

There ARE some things you can do to help yourself a bit. But don't skip those, seriously. When you have clinical depression and get hit with something traumatic - whether it's a relationship demise, a death in the family, or a job loss - you get help immediately so you don't spiral out of control.

 

I actually saved this from a previous post. So pasting, since it was worth saving:

 

It won't help completely, but here are some things to do which will at least keep you busy (and hopefully let you sleep better!)

 

1) Sanitize. Delete that special ringtone, put all phone/tablet/computer pics on a flash drive and put it away or give it to a friend. Get any pics in your room or home down - replace with posters or the pics you had before her.

 

2) Change. Rearrange furniture, put sheets/towels/curtains up that don't have those reminders. If you own your place or rental allows it, get a gallon or two of paint and get cracking on your bedroom. Make it look as different as possible - reflecting just your tastes.

 

3) Exercise. Even if you don't want to - when the worst of those feelings start coming in like a wave, get up. Go for a walk, get on a bike, do pushups. Push through it physically and it does give a little help mentally and emotionally.

 

4) Self-care. Eat well, even moreso if you don't feel like eating. Take your vitamins. Give yourself at least one small indulgence a day - a shower massage, a special drink/food, 30 minutes to read that book you just haven't found time for.

 

5) Goals. Set small and easily achievable goals every day. It can be anything - just something that you know you can accomplish, but might not without having that goal. Something as simple as "I will walk instead of drive to the store." "I will call at least one friend to ask how something in their life is doing." Doesn't seem like much - but - it gives you a boost and sense that you DID something.

 

6) Give yourself a break. Don't expect yourself to be perfect. If you need to cry, cry and get it out. Grief is NORMAL. Acknowledge it. Be proactive about supporting yourself, but acknowledge that you do have these feelings, and they deserve expression.

 

And keep in mind, things that are easy to let slide - sleep, nutrition, exercise - falling down on them throws down the red carpet for depression. And THAT is something you just don't need. So take care of yourself, make a plan to work through things, and reward yourself for those baby steps. I promise, they add up to major progress.

[Hannaha7x2]

Thank-you for your advice, it has helped

[Hannaha7x2]

Thankyou!!!!

[jalways44]

Hi Hannah,

Your post brought back some old feelings for me. I wanted to share my story with you so it could serve you some comfort. I was in a relationship with a guy I thought I was going to marry, I dated him for 6 years. I was 24 when I met him and we broke up when I was 30. He was pretty much all I knew because we grew into the people we were together, in our 20's. One day he broke up with me and my world was shattered. I remember it was the day before thanksgiving and I found out he was dating another girl and she kept friend requesting me on facebook and kept putting their pics in my face. I don't usually accept friend requests from people I don't know, but she kept requesting me so I finally looked on her page and she had all their pics as public so obviously I saw. That was the most painful thing i've ever been through. I thought I was going to die, I couldn't breathe, couldn't get out of bed. It was awful. I remember just laying on the floor crying and thinking life was so cruel. I too begged him to leave that girl and come back to me. I felt so pathetic. The truth is he doesn't deserve you. If he doesn't see your value leave him alone. You deserve much better. It's been 6 years since he and I broke up and honestly I never think about him. I heard he got married to that girl and now I honestly think I could actually be friends with her. As I look back at my relationship with him I realize it was so wrong, he was not at all what I wanted in a husband/father/boyfriend. God saved me from him. I haven't found the love of my life yet, in fact i'm going through a break up right now and feel your pain. But having gone through that, I realize I can get through this as well. You will look back as well and see he wasn't the right person for you. Right now things are very cloudy because of the love/emotions you feel for him. It will get better trust me. I hope my story provided you with some comfort.