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I feel so hurt and ridiculous


Beachlife88

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I knew this man from 5 years ago. (Old coworker) Recently we got back in touch. Started dating. Lasted 2 months. He was 9 months out of a 4 year relationship and not in contact with her. He had dated someone before me and said he was 100 percent over her.

 

He has a history with depression and been depressed over his job. His ex got back in contact and they are going to try and start over. (She broke up with him due to him working nights and her claiming he didn't spend sufficient time with her)

 

I'm hurt because I saw so much potential with us. He's told me he is still depressed. Id think you'd be happy if you were with someone you loved. He told me there was no real reason to stop dating me but he can't try to mend things with his ex if he's with me.

 

I'm so disappointed and don't understand how you can see an ex 3 times and decide getting back is a good idea, he says he wants to stay friends but I don't know. I'm so hurt and confused and feel ridiculous being broken up over a short relati

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Actually, he has a REALLY good reason to stop dating you. He wants to work it out with her. Sorry to be a downer but he'd rather try to work things out with her than date you. Simple as that. He's not worth of your love or your time.

 

Well he should have told me without me asking why he was distant. He was still dating me when he went behind my back to see her.

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That makes him a coward.

He saw her...he hadn't tried to get back with her. He just saw her and decided that was what he wanted to try and do instead of continuing with you.

 

That's what he told me that he didn't plan to get back with her. He told me he doesn't think it's a bad idea but. He has to try. That I understand. What sucks is he's told me several times he already misses seeing me

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Well....that was his choice. Don't make the mistake of hanging around and being his "friend" while he sorts it out with the ex.

 

I'm not. I don't believe in second chances but he has to do what he has to do. I'm just hurt that's all. I don't plan on hanging out as a friend

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I don't blame you for being hurt. You went into the relationship under the understandable assumption she was way in his rear view - and all of a sudden, he's getting back with her.

 

All you can do is protect yourself at this point - no friendsies, no contact. He made his choice, the last thing you want to do to yourself is be his crying shoulder when he goes down the same path with the ex he went down before.

 

And if he comes crying back - I would tell him that he apparently doesn't truly know what he wants - and you're sure you can find someone who KNOWS he wants you and not an ex. You're better than being second pick, hon.

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I don't blame you for being hurt. You went into the relationship under the understandable assumption she was way in his rear view - and all of a sudden, he's getting back with her.

 

All you can do is protect yourself at this point - no friendsies, no contact. He made his choice, the last thing you want to do to yourself is be his crying shoulder when he goes down the same path with the ex he went down before.

 

And if he comes crying back - I would tell him that he apparently doesn't truly know what he wants - and you're sure you can find someone who KNOWS he wants you and not an ex. You're better than being second pick, hon.

 

Thank you for seeing why I'm upset. I told him if I thought there was any chance he'd take her back I wouldn't have gotten involved. I cut contact no friends. I know he probably wants to stay friends in case things don't work out. No thanks! I deserve to be a mans first choice

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What sucks is he's told me several times he already misses seeing me

 

He's keeping you on the back burner, which demotes you to sloppy seconds...don't become that person. Also, it's not a smart move to be staying in contact, as this only comforts him, while your self-respect hits rock bottom.

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He's keeping you on the back burner, which demotes you to sloppy seconds...don't become that person. Also, it's not a smart move to be staying in contact, as this only comforts him, while your self-respect hits rock bottom.

 

Don't blame what person for keeping me on the back burner? And I cut him off

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Ouch, well it's good you are doing no contact and refusing to let him stay in touch. My guess is he'll have cycle through a few more times of getting burned by the ex who he obviously is not over in spite of his protestations before he calls it quits for good with her. I would've been blindsided by that too though, because enough time has passed that most people would assume he was over his ex. All you can do now is what you are doing, moving on and looking for someone to put you as first. You do seem to understand that he may try and contact you again when inevitably things don't work out with his ex, if they even get started. And you'd be more than wise to ignore him or this will happen again since his response should have been, "I am so over my ex, so glad I'm with you," when he saw her.

 

And he's shown you that he's got a bit of a dishonest streak whatever else he wants to tell himself or you about "being over her" until he saw her again. Come on, he knew.

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What's terrible is he doesn't think he lead me on or lied. Ughh! But if he contacts me he'll get an F off. Anyway he said he didn't realize I was getting involved emotionally as I did. Thought I didn't take him seriously. Whatever!

 

Like I said I broke off A 4 year relationship 1 year ago myself. For 6 months we talked until I finally went NC. That's when I truly moved on. After 4 years IMO you know if it will work or not. Besides he had that job the majority of the time they were together so I think there was more to it than she lead on, I'll be ok in a couple weeks. Just venting

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What's terrible is he doesn't think he lead me on or lied.

 

Yeah, he did know. He just doesn't want to admit it and be the bad guy, which makes him a liar. (Again) He went behind your back to go see her, so it's not like "Oops, it just happened." I know it hurts, but you are better off than to get tangled up with someone who'll do the whole "Oh, I didn't know my own mind, I didn't know you'd feel that way, I didn't know..." He doesn't know, because he wants to pretend he doesn't know. And I don't know about you, but I have zero use or sympathy for the type of person who blindly steps all over another person's feelings and then tries to excuse it with "I didn't know..."

 

You will be fine as you say, but yes it still sucks.

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