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Need advice on how to "turn off" the feelings?


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Over the last few days, I started regressing again. I think to myself it's been over a year! Get over it already! But I keep falling back to my "greatest failure".

 

I wonder if I somehow deserved what happened to me. There's no question I feel worse off since the end.

I come to work well dressed and smile with everyone but I can't help feeling my insecurities.

Just last week, I had lunch with someone who was trying to get me a better job. She's shown interest in me even came out and asked if I had a girlfriend. I told the truth that I don't but I felt slightly annoyed and scared at the same time when she asked.

 

I'm not sure what to do, I'm far from rich and I do like her but I feel I don't have anything she wants so I stall with her and any other woman that shows interest. I know money isn't important but I can't get over that cuz I feel as if that was what the last one wanted from me.

So I guess she damaged me badly when she saw I wasn't falling in. I won't lie, I've fallen lower since and I can't seem to find my way. It just seems as if I'll fail no matter what I do.

For some reason, I get dressed and come to work no matter how I feel but I really feel like I'm slowly dying......

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We are all dying. You know it is a fact that 100% of all people that have lived has died...yes its true. Okay that was the Morbid thought of the day.

If its been over a year since your break up what have you done to get out of your pity pool? We have all had our esteem in the toilet before and we have all gotten ourselves out so why are you still in it? Why have you placed so much guilt on yourself?

Lets say you go out to get something to eat and you order the Chicken...and the waiter comes back with Salmon, you ask the waiter why did you bring me Salmon when I asked for chicken and he says well, you are not in the mood for chicken you are in the mood for salmon...wouldnt you be upset?

You are doing the exact same thing to this girl. She is interested in you and you have decided for her. You thought for her by thinking "I dont have anything she wants" How do you know what she wants? What crystal ball that you have that you know exactly what a woman is thinking because if you do, Id love to buy it from you.

Point is quit thinking, quit over thinking. I dont know what mistakes you made in your past but you are trying to prevent them from happening again. So instead of doing something to prevent a mistake you are doing nothing and doing nothing is making a big mistake.

So what, you fell off the horse, big deal. You think Edison got the light bulb in the first try? You think the Wright Bros didnt crash and burn a few times before getting the airplane to fly? We all have made mistakes, but if you fall down, you get back up.

So quit your crying. Stand up, dust yourself off and be the man you were before Mr Pity Party came along.. Time for you to put your big boy pants on and tackle the world.

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What does your self talk sound like?

 

The thing to remember is that we all have control over that. So change that into a language that is supportive and kind.

 

It takes 21 days to form a new habit. Train yourself to sound like your own helpful coach instead of your own enemy, and note what happens.

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I know you guys are right. I know it. It's just weird having my ex around as a reminder. Usually when I do approach a woman and talk to her I kinda get uncomfortable if my ex comes around. Wondering if they know each other....that sort of thing.

 

I'd rather if we never saw each other again but it can't be helped. A friend of mine asked me if we talked at all. I said no we haven't talked since. Why would I subject myself to that kind of embarrassment again?

 

I tried to be adult about it but she treated me like crap and made fun of me all through the breakup. I don't see myself doing that twice...... it always comes back to her. She wanted space to see some other guy, I gave her that space. I can't see why I'm being unreasonable if I don't want to talk to her ever......

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Okay, I have to ask, you live with your X? Why is she around? And why do you even care what she thinks??

Ever heard the term "No one can make you miserable unless you allow them to"? Why are you allowing your X to make you miserable. Last time you checked it was your life right? You cant be afraid to live your life because what your X might say or think. She treats you crap because 1. she is projecting how she feels about her onto you. 2. she loves how she can manipulate you and 3. YOU ALLOW HER.

At some point you have to say no more. You have sacrificed a year of your life in fear of what your X might do, say, think. Quit it!

If you want to be happy, then take your life back. If you are happy being miserable then do absolutely nothing about it.

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We work together. Of course, what you say is true about me allowing this to happen because I was fine until a few days ago when I freaking dreamt we were cuddling!

 

That came out of nowhere and disturbed me alot considering the thought of touching her repulses me now. I was hoping to god I wasn't falling for her again.

 

I just need to reset and stop over thinking. Easier said than done but I can do this. I just need for her to stay away from me.

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A dream is just that, a dream. It doesnt mean anything. I have dreams of Ghosts, Aliens and post apocalyptic and I wake up thinking..whew that was strange, then I give it no other thought. I dont decipher, analyze or try to find a meaning. If I did I would never sleep again. ha ha

You dreamt of cuddling, it was probably in your memory bank in there somewhere and it doesnt mean you want to do that again, I dream of being forced to watch a curling match but doesnt mean I want to watch curling...ewwww....curling.. is that really a sport?

I digress....

You are allowing her to change the way you live, how you act, what you say, how you eat. Im sure that she is with you more often than you care to admit on here. She is in your thoughts and why you ask?

Because you are allowing it and you have not put on your big boy pants and said enough...

How much more will accept before you say no more?

Like I said before, if you want to continue to be miserable and feel like your X is always there and you cant move forward for fear of your X, by all means do nothing. Because there is no one that is going to make you happy. You have to be the one to do that. A girl only adds to you happiness. So decide.. Happiness or misery?

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Yeah, I learned not too long ago that i control how i feel. Made a few new friends as a result. Tough periods make me think too much is all. I need a vacation stat. Thanks though, I needed the tough talk. There isn't anything wrong with me and I should stop thinking that there is.

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