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I need to release my thoughts and grief into the world. I doubt it will help but, I'll be sat looking at my phone otherwise. I've been seeing someone since December and I love him... Unconditionally. He is inevitably going to break my heart and leave me. He goes travelling for a year in April and we agreed it needed to end once it goes. Of course I've got no self esteem and have been doing the unhealthy and fruitless performance of my life at being perfect for him. I've been his rock when it comes to his anxiety. I drive all the time. I am always forking out money, I got nothing for valentines day. We don't even talk about how we feel about each other. I find myself so so jealous of other couples who can say little things like I think you're beautiful and I think I like you. I know there's nothing in it for me but, I adore him and I can't bring myself to go back to living a boring single life. I don't see me feeling better if I call it a day. I just see myself being alone and broken. I don't think there's any helpful advice anyone can give me because I'm in a loophole in my own head. But I just wanted it off my chest.

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You will have been dating for four/five months when he leaves.

 

You haven't talked about your feelings.

 

It sounds like it is extremely one-sided with the gifts, comfort, foundation.

 

That's not a relationship, sweetheart.

 

Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and have some dignity. He can't do anything to you that you don't allow. You know what's going to happen in April, so why are you still hanging around if you want something more? You're seriously shortchanging yourself.

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