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is there any chance of getting her back now or in the future?


poor boy

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My ex Laura left me five weeks ago now. We were only together for 2 months but it was a pretty amazing relationship, from both sides I'm sure. I'm 25 and she is 20. I think she's a little immature and fickle to be honest, as she's already had some other boyfriends and left them, even been engaged at 18 and lived with one of them! She's already had around 20 jobs to boot, including working abroad for the summer as a holiday rep. She is also abit of a selfish person, who just leaves jobs and ignores friends that she's made arrangements with when it suits her. And she is very cranky and has been on antidepressants before. She also told me that she likes bad boys and normally goes for that sort, but liked the change with me. So perhaps from the outside it would be said that she might not be the right girl anyway.I feel the only mistake I made was maybe moving too fast in the relationship. I hadn't had a gf in a while and made the mistake of getting carried away quickly. I told her I loved her after a month, and introduced her to my family on xmas day.I often complimented her a lot also. However, she seemed to feel the same and told me the same things back, and also often complimented me about how I'm the best guy she's ever met, how it's crazy we've only been together a couple months, and I feel like someone she's been with for ages. She said that shes had the most amazing couple of months with me and hopes their will be many more to come. She also introduced me to her family on xmas day earlier on. So the signs were good and it looked like she was interested.The last time I saw her, she stayed at my place after having a few drinks with me. we had the most fantastic night, our best yet, and had a really passionate time all evening and the next morning. She left in a taxi the next morning. She then went out with friends and after that cancelled on me and ignored me for a few days. Then she finally got in touch with a cold text to say she didn't want to see me again and needs time on her own. She blocked me on fb a few days later!I have no idea what happened, I'm pretty sure however there was no one else but you never know. I've sent her a love letter to no avail, and knocked at her house once in the last five weeks, that's all I've done. She has completely cut me out. What I want to know is, why did this happen? Is there anything I can do to reconcile either now or maybe in the future? And also, should I even want to be getting back with somebody who treats me this way or should I forget all about her?

Thanks in advance

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2 months is a fun fling. I noticed how you gave weight to meeting her parents but you completely dismissed that she has had 20 jobs.

How can you expect a girl who is unstable and wishy washy who has had so many jobs to be committed to one guy? She is like a leaf blowing in the wind right now. When she stops its only a matter of time before she blown away to somewhere else. So she needs time to grow and one day she may or may not settle down. Nothing you can do or say to convince her otherwise. She has to grow up on her own.

You asked if here is a chance in the future: No one knows where your path takes you. You might run into her again and you might not. I wouldnt wait for her if that is what you are asking.

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2 months is a fun fling. I noticed how you gave weight to meeting her parents but you completely dismissed that she has had 20 jobs.

How can you expect a girl who is unstable and wishy washy who has had so many jobs to be committed to one guy? She is like a leaf blowing in the wind right now. When she stops its only a matter of time before she blown away to somewhere else. So she needs time to grow and one day she may or may not settle down. Nothing you can do or say to convince her otherwise. She has to grow up on her own.

You asked if here is a chance in the future: No one knows where your path takes you. You might run into her again and you might not. I wouldnt wait for her if that is what you are asking.

 

Yeah it probably is. I wonder if she intended it to be a fling the whole time, or if she really liked me and something happened she isn't telling me. Its pretty crap just thoughtlessly being cut out like that send not being told as to why.

Year you're right, she is obviously just a loose cannon, maybe she really did like me but the idea of a relationship to someone like that is scary. I wish I never met her sometimes, although then I wouldn't learn the lessons. The rejection hurts so bad, I'd like to be back in control of it.

It's a shame because I thought she was almost perfect for me, so kind and generous and funny and we got along so well also. She was very loving and affectionate, and that's why I think I'll always remember her fondly. Perhaps she'll also remember me that way too, and yeah as you say there's no point hanging about for someone who's left me. I need to move on. But I'd like to think one day we may cross paths again. Even if we do I want to make sure I've become all I can between now and then to make sure I'm in a better situation to be a good bf to her or another woman, and also to myself so I can be confident and have self respect. One day I'll contact her again I think.

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People like her you take the good and get rid of the bad. You had a fun time so you should smile about it. Many moons ago I met this girl what was exactly like that. She was a vagabond, moved from place to place and never knew if where she landed was going to be it for her. She was beautiful but very flaky and we had a great time together and after about 5months I went to her place and she was gone. Just like that..

I never heard from her again.

You cant take anything personally and you just shrug your shoulders and move on. Youll meet many people like that in your life. You need to meet a flaky person so you know what red flags to watch for the next time. This is a live and learn lesson. So smile and move on.

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I know you're right, it was really fun. It's just not enough for me though I wanted more. Not being able to get it sucks. It's funny because if I'd never met her before I could probably get her to go out with me if I chatted her up, but unfortunately my chance is gone for now. Maybe I need to get some more respect for myself, I probably should be saying her chance with me is gone! I really wish I knew what she thinks, or what she thinks about me if she still does at all. Do you think a person like her could ever change and come back? I do think I set myself on people too much sometimes though and probably need to change that.

Yeah you're dead right about the red flags of a flaky person. When she said she had all those jobs I actually thought as much and said to her me and you probably won't last very long then will we. And she replied yeah we will I stick to people just not jobs. Nice lie from her there. She's a selfish person who took what she wanted emotionally and attention wise from me and then enceremoniously left me without warning. What ssigns do you watch out for in a flaky person yourself, they're probably not all as obvious as having 20 jobs are they. And what'd you do if you think they are flaky? Like still casually date them but maybe just have it down as a fling? Or maybe make sure you dump them first in order to ensure they don't hurt you and you hurt them?

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Question #1: do you think a person like that can change and come back? There is always a chance that I can be visited by Aliens but Im not holding my breath. The answer to your question is that who knows. That means two things have to happen. She has to change the only way of thinking that she knows how to do. She is flaky, its not a flavor of the month, thats who she is and she will have to radically change then think that you were the one person in her life that she cant live without. Dont wait up for her. If she wants you she will find you but as she is today, I dont think she is going to change who she is for a long time.

Question #2: What signs do you look for a flaky person? The girl you met is a good base to start from.

If you want to date a flaky girl, by all means go for it, but you will never change one. They are like that for a reason. I dont think the girl you met was selfish on purpose she was exactly as advertised and even tho there were many flags, you dove in with both feet. She didnt take from you, you gave yourself and she accepted. If you think back to the 2 months it was pretty much a one way street. You did more for her than she did for you. If someone offered you $100,000 with no strings attached and you accepted does that make you selfish? Because thats what you did, you offered yourself and she accepted.

And you cant say she left you without warning... the girl had 20 jobs...you had the warning for the iceburg right in your hand and you didnt heed the warning... but its okay thats why the saying "Love is blind"

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Good question nick, I don't know really. I should think more of myself and maybe that's the lesson I need to learn right here. I guess I feel like I want her back as I miss her company, and thought I loved her. But maybe I didn't, some people say how can you live someone after such a short space of time? I don't know if I did for sure, but I've though about her all day every day every day since we split and miss her, so maybe that is love.

Yeah no.1 you are correct, she probably isn't going to change her ways any time soon is she. Frustrating really as I know how much she liked being with me. Maybe if I played it cooler I'd still be dating her now, but even then it would only be a matter of time till things got serious and she bolted. And rather now than after a year or whatever that'd hurt more. The one thing that makes me think they we may one day reconcile is cos of the short length of our relationship, short and sweet and maybe she'll be nostalgic and have a feeling of what of over the memories herself. I'm adamant I'll do no more contact, I know it'll only make me look desperate.

And aye I agree about me giving myself to her. That was very foolish. I think another lesson to learn is to maybe be more of a challenge and play harder to get and look more indifferent in future. I feel relieved to think however, that even had I have played it like this with this girl, it was doomed anyway because of her mindset. That kinda absolves me from blaming myself a little bit. She shouldn't have led me on though that was wrong. Does it mean that she thinks I'm not worthy or good enough for her etc, or just as you say I shouldn't take it personally. My friend who I live with, his long term gf left him once for a year and then came back to him after realising she made a mistake. I think she dated some bad boys after, probably like what my ex will do. Maybe she'll wake up and smell the coffee one day. I think I'll just start getting on with things now anyway. It's not like I can contact her anymore, even though I'm sure she'd love the attention. And I should've seem it all coming with the amount of jobs she had yeah. I mean that's a pretty flaky person to have been working in that many places at 20 y.o. isn't it! I've only had 3 jobs in my life and I'm nearly 26! She's also worked abroad as a holiday rep for the summer which probably means she got around. She also wanted to have sex with me on first date, which isn't a keeper really is it.

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