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Sort of long distance but he's going to date. Am I going to lose him?


shrines

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My ex and I broke up in May after dating for nine months. He moved a few thousand miles away about a month later for college. I'm planning on doing the same this summer.

 

We stopped talking for about a month after he moved but he initiated contact. Since then, we've been talking nearly every day for close to seven months. We want to be together and we've made that clear to one another, however neither of us want a LDR so we've been playing the waiting game. I hope to move in about three months at the latest. I love him and I want to be with him. He always tells me how amazing it'll be when I move and lists of scenarios of all the great stuff we're going to do together. It makes me so happy to think about and I know he feels the same way.

 

My ex is a musician and he just started performing at local bars. Obviously, girls have been approaching him a lot. He said he wants to have fun and date for the next three months and then be with me. But he also kind of took a "never say never" approach when it comes to getting a new girlfriend.

 

I feel like all the power lies in his hands and I don't want this to happen so close to our end date. I could easily turn guys down (and I have consistently) and yet I don't feel like it's the same for him. It makes me sick to think of him getting a girlfriend. I don't want it to happen.

 

As of right now I haven't been initiating any conversation and I've been waiting on him to do so. We still talk regularly, but not as often as we used to. I really need help with this, though. How should I act? Should I act totally cool and like it doesn't bug me at all? I know indifference is key. I still want to be able to show him what I have to offer. I'm thinking of visiting him so that I could maybe give him a taste of what it's like to have me around. I need to visit anyway to go to the college of my choice.

 

Please help.

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He is dating other women, period.

You are his back up plan.

 

I hope you are not moving out there to be at the same college with him --- because when he breaks up with you for the 2nd time, you will not have any support,

 

Indifference is not the key. This isn't a game.

"A taste of having you around"...

 

What part of the "we broke up" is confusing you?

What part of he wants to have fun/date for the next 3 months are you missing?

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You're just 18 and you're putting your life on hold for some guy who's dating around and who says stuff like 'never say never'. Unbelievable.

Stop seeing him as a 'prize' because he most definitely isn't. As mhowe said, you're his back up plan. If, by the time you go there, he hasn't gotten a gf, he'll do you 'the favour' of dating you.

Don't you think you deserve much more than that?

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I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. I do love the college and the area but a part of it is definitely being with him. I am scared of being stranded alone with no support system if I'm unhappy.

 

We broke up due to him moving away. That was the main reason.

 

He said I should date as well because it's healthy. He didn't say "never say never". But that was the impression that he seemed to give me.

 

What should I do, then? I feel sick at the prospect of him getting a girlfriend. We've spoken for hours daily and I don't want to be thrown away.

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What you should do is stop talking to him. You're obviously too invested in this to be able to date because 'it's healthy'...you need to cut off ties...how do you even know he doesn't already have a gf? I wouldn't trust this guy at all. Someone who's interested in a girl, and when he knows they could be together in 3 months, does NOT tell her to date around.

Wake up.

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