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It feels like all I do is come here to vent but it feels like I'm constantly moaning but here goes

 

Short version (May have heard before)

He left in May for a "break", end of August found out about one infedility, spent all the months upto Xmas trying to make out relationship work, few days after Xmas found out there was many one night stands and flings, completely broke me, call me naive or whatever but we had been together for 5 years and have 2 kids.

 

Since beginning of jan to yesterday, he's been making an effort with children, getting along fine, few spats but nothing major. On a whim I asked if he was still seeing the girl he was over Xmas, we admitted it because ex thought if heard things when really it was just intuition.

 

I class our break up from Xmas cos that's when I knew we'd never be able to get back together. So it was expected that he'd carry on, I suppose deep down I knew it was gonna happen. The fool part of me just believed that it ha stopped because he was spending so much time here, and kept me updated on what he been upto. And he's a free agent now he can do as he pleases it's not my business and I'm certainly not a factor in his choices. It's just heartbreaking that he likes someone else, that he's doing new things with her, I'm distraught. But it was gonna happen so I've just gotta deal.

 

I text him saying how I don't want him to come over to our house, I'll either drop off/pick up kids from his mums or he can, how he's with her now so it's best if I have minimum contact with him and I said a few other things, nothing mean just relaying what he said about it and how he's in denial and how anything that doesn't effect children is nothing to do with me. Obviously there's a lot more emotions and thought in me to him and new squeeze but I'm leaving that out for my own sanity

 

He rang to talk about sons birthday Sunday, taking to big aquarium for the day, come and book tickets ask me sort out organising it. I just really don't want to be in a room with him let alone a family day out. I just want to heal and that means having him out of my life, I know he wants to keep me in his but also have other pieces of cake.

 

He won't go If I won't go with him, even if I sorted everything and his mum (their nanny) took my place he's say no. I want my son to have a great birthday, the thought of having to spend the day with ex makes me want to cry. I know it's because he's a stranger to me now, the hope and illusion of who I thought he was had been shattered by the truth of what he's done and continued to do. I just really don't want to go but little man would love it.

 

I know they say it takes time but I've been through so many tomorrow's and nothing seems to be getting better. I'm going through the ringer with my emotions too. They say certain stages of grief/breakup? I think I go through each one as soon as I wake until a sleep then go through it all again. And them some days I'm so positive with him f*** him attitude but it never lasts. Ahh Mann this struggle I'm going through is enough to put me off ever getting to a relationship again!

 

Sorry it's long

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Why are you organizing his plans for the bday outing with your son?

 

And he won't go if you don't go? He is just manipulating you.

 

Tell him --- fine. Then don't go. Make plans to celebrate your son's bday without him.

 

He's not confident having them on his own, so wants us all to go together. Basically he's a lousy dad and he knows it, he knows that the boys won't have fun if I'm not there.

 

I'd be the one to arrange tickets and times because I'm more organised

 

Yes he probably is manipulating me, and from other posts I've had about him it takes an outsider to wise me up to his true personality so it's always appreciated when someone replies.

 

I think it's more the guilt of taking little one somewhere which he would love buy I can't afford

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The little one will have just as much fun on a date that costs nothing.

 

Don't let him manipulate you. And your son is young enough to not remember the aquarium a year from now anyway.

 

I know, he's appreciates the smallest things which he obviously got from me lol I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and tell him he can go with his mum cos I don't want to or not go at all, I know he will guilt trip me but that's that.

 

Any advice on how to deal with my vivid imagination about his new rebound? It's killing me and can't stop thinking about how we started out, all the good times and now he's having them with her whilst I'm an absolute mess. Break ups suck, and this is my first real one. The feelings are intense!

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Stop thinking about his rebound.

 

I am sorry to be blunt -- but he doesn't sound like much of a catch. And a lousy father to boot.

Stop thinking about who he is dating or seeing.

 

The feelings will subside. However, since he has to remain in your life because of the kids...it will be harder. Which is why you have to put up a mental wall

around him and except for interactions w/ the kids....stop thinking/asking/picturing his life.

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Stop thinking about his rebound.

 

I am sorry to be blunt -- but he doesn't sound like much of a catch. And a lousy father to boot.

Stop thinking about who he is dating or seeing.

 

The feelings will subside. However, since he has to remain in your life because of the kids...it will be harder. Which is why you have to put up a mental wall

around him and except for interactions w/ the kids....stop thinking/asking/picturing his life.

 

I've just teared up because you are so right, and it's crazy cos I KNOW that's what I need to do, I tell myself it, my friends would tell me it if they knew how emotional I still am, funny how it means more when someone you don't know says the same thing. Thank you

 

I'm off to submerge myself in a very large Stephen king book lol

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