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Advice ?


buterfly00

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I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years. Right now we are in the middle of a break up due to the fact that I saw he was texting another woman inappropriately suggesting they "hang out" and go on a date. When I saw this, in his phone, I was furious and hurt because I am very loyal and faithful. He claims that he would have never acted on it and he's not sure why he said any of it in the first place. He has admitted to being wrong about it claims to have meant no harm but in my opinion, this is a sign of cheating.

 

A little background, he has been caught texting and messaging girls in the past, deleting messages and hiding them as well. I wouldn't say all of the conversations were inappropriate but they definitely did not reflect the way someone in a relationship behaves. He's a good guy and this is the longest relationship either of us have been in as adults.

 

There are things that I admire about him and I do understand that we are both young and growing as individuals, but there are also things that I wish were different. I feel like he doesn't go above and beyond to make me happy and takes a mediocre approach to a lot of things.I'm constantly trying to be spontaneous, and make things exciting but he doesn't. He's not really fun and would rather spend time working or working out. He also doesn't share the same love for travel and learning as I do. All of these things, I have put up with hoping that as we both grow(mentally & financially) they will get better; However, the fact that communicates and sometimes acts inappropriate with other women, makes the above mentioned issues unbearable. I can't compromise on everything..

 

He's acknowledged his wrongness, and seems to feel really bad about the fact that he hurt me but I'm not sure if its enough or if I could bear this feeling again in the future. On the flip side, should two people who genuinely love and want to be with eachother forever work things out? Please share your thoughts.

 

Thanks

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A little background, he has been caught texting and messaging girls in the past, deleting messages and hiding them as well. I wouldn't say all of the conversations were inappropriate but they definitely did not reflect the way someone in a relationship behaves.

 

This is not a one time event, this is who he is. Don't make the mistake of sticking around and hoping he'll change, he won't. What you see is what you get.

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. On the flip side, should two people who genuinely love and want to be with eachother forever work things out? Please share your thoughts.

 

Thanks

 

Yes, two people who genuinely love and want to be together forever should try to work things out. However, you are in this group and your boyfriend is not. One person does not a relationship make.

 

If you love someone, you don't try to actively date other people. He's not sorry he hurt you, he's sorry he got caught. WHY on earth would he make a date he had no intention of "going through with"? Had you not caught him, he would have gone. And you say this isn't the first time?

WHY do you like this guy again? He's not committed to you, that much is obvious.

 

This guy is not long term relationship material. He wants his dependable girlfriend at home, and his other "fun gals" when he goes out.

 

Sorry to rip the band aid off- But it really sounds like you love him but he doesn't really love you. If you stay with him, that's your choice, but he isn't going to change and you will only repeatedly get hurt. Respect yourself, love yourself as he never will, and walk away.

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