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does it get worse right before you completely heal?


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i'm not sure what's going on exactly, but for the past 2 weeks i've been in a "valley" of my progress to completely healing. this period of being in the valley seems to be lasting longer than it has since december.

 

up until 2 weeks ago, i had been doing pretty good in my progression to be completely moved on from my ex, at least that's how it felt. there was this lingering feeling of missing her but it definitely had lessened.

 

for some reason, the past 2 weeks i've been missing my ex more and i have been feeling pretty alone, dare i say lonely. i haven't changed up anything that i can think of as far as "taking care of myself" is concerned. the only thing is this past weekend i just didn't feel like doing anything. i did hang out with friends but my other time i spent at home just watching movies and napping.

 

so, my question is, for those who have completely moved on from your ex, did it get worse right before you completely got over everything? i know everyone's different but this "regression" has taken me by surprise. especially for how long it's lasting. usually it doesn't last for more than a week before i start feeling better again.

 

just a quick recap: 5 months since BU and almost 2 months of strict NC. i actually can't believe it's been 5 months. at times it feels like forever and others it seems like it hasn't been long at all.

 

thanks in advance.

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hey deejay, I'm dealing with the same right now. Real NC has been set in about ten days ago and now I miss her more and fearing she has moved on to someone else, that she may be flirting with someone else etc. I know I'm only doing this to myself but I can't help but miss her..

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There are worse things like losing limbs/dying young/terminal illness etc. But to me, losing your love is nearly the worst thing in life to deal with and overcome. It's extremely brutal and there is no escaping it but to wait it out like a broken leg in a cast. Time is the only healing factor, everything else is a distraction. Best not to find yourself bored.

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I had a real rough 3rd month full of dreams about her and missing her everyday. Then the 4th month started and all of a sudden I'm a lot better... I don't think it would happen this way with you though. Every person is different and heal in different ways.

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hey deejay, I'm dealing with the same right now. Real NC has been set in about ten days ago and now I miss her more and fearing she has moved on to someone else, that she may be flirting with someone else etc. I know I'm only doing this to myself but I can't help but miss her..

 

Hey, Lucha. I've been seeing your posts. I know you're having a rough time. I had my worst moments 2 - 3 months out of the BU. I also know that you've been trying to take the advice people have given you, as did i. but, one thing that i didn't want to accept was the time factor. out of all the advice that was given, time has been the best but i was in denial, thinking there's gotta be something to facilitate moving on. but there wasn't. only distractions. there will be good moments and bad moments, because progress is not linear. i've been through many. but just before this regression that i seem to be in, i had been in the best mindset since the BU and had been feeling good and positive about me and my life in the future. regardless of all of this, i still miss my ex too but they are in varying degrees. these 2 weeks that feeling has gotten more intense but i am just trying to keep moving forward and trying not to fight those feelings and just riding it out in hopes that soon, after this last "hurrah", it'll be all over.

 

There are worse things like losing limbs/dying young/terminal illness etc. But to me, losing your love is nearly the worst thing in life to deal with and overcome. It's extremely brutal and there is no escaping it but to wait it out like a broken leg in a cast. Time is the only healing factor, everything else is a distraction. Best not to find yourself bored.

 

yes, you are correct on all accounts. i sometimes thing dealing with an excruciatingly painful heartbreak is worse than dealing with a dying loved one, because once that person passes, it's final - there's no coming back. but with a relationship, the other person is still alive so that hope you have can be like an ember, constantly burning.

 

boredom is a tough thing to deal with when healing. i try to keep myself busy but sometimes i need a break from that. it's work in and of itself. at least for me.

 

I'm @ 6 years and I haven't healed completely It does get worse before it get's better I have to say. My advice don't waste 6 years of your life, treat yourself well and one day it will be like "whatever..."

 

oh man, 6 years is a long time. i am so sorry it's been that long for you. i hope you're taking your own advice now. my thoughts and heart goes out to you.

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I had a real rough 3rd month full of dreams about her and missing her everyday. Then the 4th month started and all of a sudden I'm a lot better... I don't think it would happen this way with you though. Every person is different and heal in different ways.

 

Was it the 3rd month of NC or the 3rd month since the BU. I am thinking it's the former, correct? If so, that could be me. I'm only at barely 2 months of strict NC. So, we shall see, I guess.

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deejay74 the most important thing is to look after yourself and have FUN. Yes have FUN with life with your family and friends because in the end that's all that is left. This is what I have recently just learned, treat yourself well and FUN. Life is not meant to be depressing and awful and if it is, you need to change that because we only get one shot on this planet.

 

6 years for me has been tough, but I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. My advice get yourself out there and have fun and DO NOT WASTE 6 YEARS, go out and meet new people and eventually you will want to get back on that horse and date another girl. You will find one, trust me but right now you can't see the forest above the tree's so to speak with the hurt your feeling. But it does get better in the long term I can tell you that after 6 years

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I'm @ 6 years and I haven't healed completely It does get worse before it get's better I have to say. My advice don't waste 6 years of your life, treat yourself well and one day it will be like "whatever..."

 

 

6 years is way too long. What happened there? How long were you together?

 

I've been down this road far more times than I care to admit. One thing is certain, it really only lasts a few months and I can say that any ex in my past I could care less about. I got over each and every one of them and I will get over this current one. So what's holding you back?

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6 years is way too long. What happened there? How long were you together?

 

I've been down this road far more times than I care to admit. One thing is certain, it really only lasts a few months and I can say that any ex in my past I could care less about. I got over each and every one of them and I will get over this current one. So what's holding you back?

 

I have my own thread in this forum you can read I don't really want to derail deejay's thread with my own crap.

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I have been doing that. It's just the past 2 weeks have been a little worse than the other regressions I've had since I had been feeling a lot better.

 

Please don't get the wrong idea, I don't spend my time in my apartment wallowing like I had before. I'm just going through a rough patch right after I was feeling the best I'd been feeling and it's lasting a little too close for comfort for me.

 

So, that's why I originally asked if it gets worse right before you are healed.

 

Hope that makes sense.

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deejay, you just have to be prepared for random "smacks in the face." I'm still dealing with them a year and three months later. The other night, I was watching a movie...and a certain part of it gutted me, because it reminded me of her. It passed pretty quickly, and I was fine right after...I'm telling you this to let you know that what you're going through is totally normal, and it may take you a while.

 

As for me, I have no interest in dating at the moment. The idea of going on a date actually makes me sick to my stomach...I'm just doing me right now. I have my own sh@#t to worry about.

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I'm about 9-10 months in now. From a loss. He left me, after 5 yrs. It has been VERY rough for me.

Never easy when you lost the one you came to love.. i understand

 

I still have dreams of him.. not many are 'good'. Often about him with another 'her'. hate it!

I did end up on anxiety and Depr med's and am back in therapy. I hit bottom. I felt so awful.. I am still hurting.. can feel that 'off' feeling now n then and yes, I have those 'triggers' as well, like MCJD ^ mentioned.

 

I have a few half decent days,, but still always thinking of him, of course, with those emotions. (sadness, anger, lonely etc).

 

Guess it all takes time.. much more time for some, than others. Some never really do heal completely, all depends.

Keep going.. you're working on it.

 

You're not alone... tc

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I feel like i am going through a similar thing as well. I asked my Therapist and she said it is pretty normal to feel this way. It often gets worse before it gets better. She also said that in many ways breaking up is much worse than death, injury, etc. Because often with death, its a definitive conclusion, but when you break up its worse because you feel like you aren't worthy of that person and in cases like mine where it is sudden and no reasons you don't have closure, you just feel unresolved and its more painful because this person you once loved and cared for just stopped caring about you. And you are left in a state of wonder and confusion. I don't really have any advice but I can try to pass on what my therapist said, which is to eat, breathe, and sleep and keep working on yourself. To understand that it takes time and that you have to surround yourself with friends and family.

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Thanks for sharing your responses everyone. I have been going through my ups and downs but right before this one, I was feeling pretty good, almost fully healed and then for some reason, I'm back in a rut and this one is slightly worse than some of the ones I had before my good week and it's lasting a little longer than I want it to.

 

So, I am hoping that after I get past this regression session, that I will be almost 100% healed. I hope.

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